The5Spot

We're Going Places!!!

2009-01-26T11:17:00.000-08:00

Because some of the authors listed on the side are now so fancy and spreading their writing love to other publishers besides Grand Central's 5Spot we've decided to diversify.

We thought we'd give youall an opportunity to catch up with everyone on their respective websites and Facebook pages to hear all the exciting updates and new project news.

So catch up with:

*Caprice Crane at her website, as well as on a Facebook and MySpace;
*Liza Palmer at my website, as well as on Facebook;
*Kristin Harmel at her website, as well as on Facebook and MySpace;
*Lauren Lipton at her website, as well as Facebook;
*Beverly Bartlett at her website, as well as Facebook;
*Gitty Daneshvari at the Hachette Book Group website;
*Megan Crane at her website, as well as Facebook and MySpace;
*Jane Porter at her website, as well as Facebook and Myspace;
*Kim Green at her personal blog, as well as Facebook;
*Holly Shumas at her website, as well as Facebook;
*and Claire LeZebnik at her website, as well as Facebook.

So, we're putting our little 5Spot blog to bed, as we've all found other beds that we...wait, that doesn't sound right. We're all sleeping with...no...uh...

Please visit us from now on at our own websites, blogs, Facebook pages and other sundry internet capacities until you, like we, get sick of us.

HAVE A GREAT YEAR!!!!!

Flight of the Conchords - The Humans are Dead

Music for a New Year

2009-01-18T18:55:00.000-08:00

I'm writing on a brand new computer. A Mac. I'm on one hand enamored of the little beauty and on the other completely terrified of its every non PC sinew. It's glorious. Just incomprehensibly beautiful.

I've been watching the Top Chef, but I gotta tell you the whole Leah/Hosea monkeyhander circus has completely turned me off. So, I don't think I'll be blogging much about it, because...feh. And Eugene got sent home AND Ariane?? I mean...I'm loving Fabio and Carla even...but, feh. 24 is on now, so...that's pretty much where my mind is at these days.

I'm listening to some amazing music these days...thanks to Megan, an ugly incident with the iTunes and a walk down memory lane.

First:

Kings of Leon - Closer
(I'm attaching a little fan video, because none of the live versions really captured the eerie, gorgeous depth to the song...but this band live is bananas.)

Just because you have to see them...here they are singing Sex on Fire on Letterman

I also watched Saturday Night Live last night, happily to see Fleet Foxes as the musical guest. Definitely check out their cut Mykonos on iTunes - along with all their stuff. Very old school, 1970's, should be at the Last Waltz kind of stuff.

Megan then turned me on to Santogold who I'm now obsessed with. Ridiculous.

Santogold - You'll Find a Way (Switch and Graeme Siden Mix)
(The beat is insane and...well, just listen..and then go find L.E.S. Artistes and download that, too)

Finally, I was thinking back and remembered an old Chris Isaak song that I used to looove, found it iTunes and am now playing it, Closer by Kings of Leon and Santogold pretty much back to back.

Chris Isaak - Dancin'
(another one of those little fan videos, but once again the live versions didn't give the song that thumping depth that really makes this song almost palpable)

Swooning on a Sunday

2008-12-14T22:22:00.000-08:00

So, Megan and I just got back from seeing Twilight...both for the third time. The discussion on the way home from the theater invariably became about Swoon Worthy Moments in film - the "I'm very protective" line that poor, tortured Edward utters probably had something to do with the tone of our conversation.

Although the last line in the official trailer...man oh man.

Megan brought up the swooping over Darcy's shoulder at the dance in Pride and Prejudice (at about the 2 minute mark)...where she literally curled out of her chair.

I then brought up Becoming Jane, citing James McAvoy's loveliness. To which, Megan replied that she couldn't get past the whole Tumnus thing. I have this scene to offer. I won't let on when he comes into shot, but...holy moly - quite an entrance. Sigh.

I also re-watched Something's Got to Give - and apart from coveting her house once more - I was moved to tears by the following scene....again. Diane Keaton is a God and this performance is one of my favorites. "This is heartbroken"...ugh...perfection (at about the 2.50ish mark)

Is it about restraint and stolen glances that makes these scenes so formidable? Is it the earnestness and honesty? The knowledge that we know that love and the unsaid are tearing these people apart and they're at a dance or on a street corner and have to keep up some level of decorum.

I've been in a music rut lately...don't know why. But, nothing beats a rut like Joni Mitchell. Perfect music for a rainy Sunday.

Have a great week!

Top Chef!

2008-12-11T00:33:00.000-08:00

Aftermath of Last Week
• Melissa Eyebrows apparently lays around the apartment like one of those Real Dolls. Excuse me while I pour lye into my eye sockets.
• Apparently Stefan is making lovey gifts for Jamie…the lesbian. That’s the most awesome thing I’ve ever heard.
QUICKFIRE
• Identify that Ingredient!
• Jamie thinks she has a great palate and then she says, “expecially”
• Oh, look the sniffs are back.
• The chefs pair up…heh, Stefan and Jamie are together. Stefan is giddy.
• The Challenge: Head to head, taste a sauce, identify the most ingredients in the sauce
• It’s like a Name that Tune thing
• Last Chef Standing wins.
• Daniel vs. Hosea – Hosea wins
• Ariane vs. Jeff – Ariane wins because Jeff is a douchebag.
• Stefan vs. Jamie – Stefan wins because he says shit like salt and pepper. Uh, duh.
• Eugene and Leah – Leah wins
• Fabio vs. Radhika – Radhika wins
• Melissa vs. Carla – Melissa is now wearing a baseball cap circa Eminem Slim Shady days. She’s apparently had a small stroke since we last saw her.
• Carla wins
• Hosea vs. Ariane – Hosea wins
• Stefan vs. Leah – Stefan wins…and it’s kinda awesome.
• Carla vs. Radhika – Carla wins
• Carla vs. Hosea vs. Stefan in sudden death
• Carla’s out in the first round
• HOSEA WINS!!!!!

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
• Chefs have to cook for a Gail’s Bridal Shower
• Dude, Daniel is all up in these confessionals…I’m going to go he’s packing his knives.
• Something Borrowed Team: Jamie, Radhika and Ariane
• Jamie comes up with some mildly racist theme based on knowing an Indian recipe, so she saddles Radhika with saying that she ‘borrowed’ Jamie’s Indian recipe from her Mom. Huh?
• Radhika’s a bit…put off by it.
• Something Blue Team: MC Melissa, Leah and Fabio
• Leah asks if figs can be blue.
• Uh.
• Fabio goes with the concept of the Ocean equaling blue.
• Something New Team – Daniel Carla, and Eugene
• Daniel goes off on a pickling thing?
• Carla’s all – what about New makes you think of Pickling
• Eugene talks about making sushi…it’s new.
• Carla’s against it, but doesn’t say anything.
• Something Old Team: Jeff, Hosea and Stefan
• They’re talking about tomatoes…a lot.
• Stefan is rolling over the other two guys…but the other two guys are douchey, so…
• The chefs go shopping
• Carla begins to explain that her and her adorable husband do this ‘Hootie Hoo’ thing in the stores…it’s a two part thing, she explains. She calls out ‘Hootie’ and her husband calls back ‘Hoo.’ Like a Marco Polo kind of deal.
• Carla begins to call out ‘Hootie.’
• To people other than her husband.
• This isn’t going to end well.
• Stefan may be a total prick, but he’s right about Hosea being a “doucheboy” and that he has immunity. Also, that if Stefan screws up, he goes home. He’s very point blank about it.
• Borrowed: 3rd Course
• Eastern Spicy Lamb, Vadouvan something…
• New – 2nd course
• Surf and Turf sushi roll, peach miso bbq sauce.
• Blue: Reference the Ocean…says Melissa.
• Old – “from the old world.”
• The Old Tomato World, apparently.
• Eugene’s rice is screwed up, too sticky. He’s menacing and Daniel is terrified.
• Tom comes in – goes up to the Blue team and announces that there’s no blue food.
• Borrowed – Jamie says the Radhika borrowed story.
• New – surf and turf…they’re all amped and weird.
• Old – the whole heirloom thing…Stefan was married twice…to the same woman. WHAT?!?!
• Eugene doctors his rice and thinks he's saved it.
• Later that night…Eugene says that the bridal shower guests can build their own sushi rolls.
• Daniel thinks it’s awesome...and he’s lifting weights during this whole conversation. On the balcony. Late at night. Huh?
• Stefan butts in – he’s asking questions and it’s intrusive, but Eugene goes from zero to sixty in .5 seconds.
• Man oh man.
• The weird mini-dramedy now stars Jamie and Stefan. Oh yay.
• And double-yay, Hosea and Leah are still flirting…oh and now it comes out that they both have significant others at home. WHAT?
• Walk into Twenty Four Fifth Avenue – really extravagant and amazing set up.
• The women start arriving.
SERVICE
• Old (Hosea, Stefan and Jeff) - up first
• The women toast and Tom is back in the kitchen. He says he wasn’t invited to the Girl Party.
• Hosea is totally shaking and nervous as he serves the women the dish.
• Guest Judge: Dana Cowin, Editor of Food and Wine Magazine
• Jeff introduces their dish, all tomato all the time.
• It’s going over well – jeff’s sorbet is the fave.
• New (Eugene, Daniel and Carla) – go next
• Daniel adds mushrooms to Carla’s salad without her knowing. Huh?
• There’s a lot of components and a lot of everything… this is not going to be good.
• Daniel’s totally going home.
• Eugene introduces the dish – sushi done new…
• The dish is messy and the women don’t know how to put it together…Eugene didn’t explain how…woops.
• Borrowed – (Jamie, Radhika and Ariane) – next
• Jamie thinks she’s going to win. What a shock.
• Ariane’s lamb is taking its sweet time to cook and Jamie is a little brat about it.
• They start plating…Jamie is…grating.
• Everyone helps and is awesome.
• Jamie introduces the dish…trotting out Radhika’s culture for her own benefit…ugh.
• The lamb is delicious, says everyone. It goes over really well.
• Blue (Fabio, Melissa and Leah) – are last
• The words bland and boring plague the team.
• Leah and Melissa want Fabio to introduce the dish…because he’s Fabio.
• The bridal shower guests lurrrrve him.
• The dish isn’t going over well…not 'politically correct (?),' old people food, not challenging.
JUDGE’S TABLE
• Top Two Teams: Old and Borrowed
• Jeff’s sorbet is the favorite from his team
• Jamie’s carrot puree goes over well
• Ariane’s lamb was perfect – Jamie tries to talk over Ariane like she had something to do with it. Sniff.
• Jamie literally says “I want this win” right there…
• WINNER: ARIANE!!!!
• Dude. Jeff and Jamie are FUMING.
• That’s. Awesome.
• Jamie says she’s always a Bridesmaid…
• Wait…I need to run the Tivo back.
• Yes, Jamie just said, “None of us expected anyone but me to win.”
• Wow. Just wow.
• Bottom: New and Blue.
• New – Gail says she was confusing
• Eugene cops to his screw up of not explaining.
• The sticky rice was bad, too.
• Eugene again.
• Carla says she wasn’t happy about it, but it was her fault for not saying anything.
• Daniel loved the dish.
• Tom – conceptually a disaster.
• Mushrooms at the bottom of Carla's salad??
• Daniel says he did that.
• Carla is pissed.
• Tom says it’s pretty bad – are you still happy to Daniel?
• Yes, he was. Tom is in awe.
• Blue – played it safe. Bland. Boring.
• Fabio says that cooking fish for 45 people is safe?
• They’re like…uh yeah.
• Fabio stops talking. Good idea.
• Carla’s salad was the light…but they could tell she was stewing about feeling muted.
• Daniel doesn’t have insight.
• Tom says, ‘he likes that dish…he actually likes that dish’
• Eugene screwed up the rice then tried to doctor it back and explain that he had fixed it…
• Tom summarizes: Blue – your food was boring, but you guys can leave the kitchen. You’re safe.
• Team New – the dish was all over the board. Eugene screwed up two things. Carla – you knew it was bad, you need to say something. Daniel – you still looove this dish…huh? I want to send all three of you home.
• PACK YOUR KNIVES: DANIEL
• THAT’S TWO FOR TWO I’VE CALLED!!!!
• Daniel is amped and childlike in his departure. Heartbreaking.
• He leaves quickly.
• Daniel starts talking about Barry Sanders.
• Aw…come on.
• Next Week: MARTHA STEWART

Top Chef: Episode 4 by Liza

2008-12-03T21:19:00.000-08:00

Last week’s round-up was postponed by a very merry Thanksgiving. I had a Harvest Pie (so good…basically Fall in a pie) to make and didn’t actually sit down to watch last week’s episode until the weekend. Sad to see Richard go – he was a good guy, but what was up with those S’mores? And the whole sobbing proclamation of “kicks ass, baby girl. Kick ass” to Jamie seemed a bit …much. I mean, we’re not leaving Richard behind on the Mt. Everest here…

Plus, the entire episode was mostly me just staring at Dave Grohl and sighing, so…oh and the fact that people were putting metal into the microwaves!?! Did anyone else notice that?!?!?

On to this week’s episode!

Last Week’s Aftermath
• Jeff’s lifting weights on the balcony – you know, where everyone lifts weights in the morning, right?
• Ariane feels vindicated from her great turkey last week – which was awesome. How impossible was that?!?
• Richard left a note for Alex – he read it to Jamie and Carla. He’s adorable and weepy when he reads it aloud. Aww, man oh man. Super emotional. I am loving Carla more and more. She’s good people.
• Is all this Alex footage mean he’s packing his knives this week?!?!

QUICKFIRE

• Rocco DiSpirito is the guest chef
• Fabio disses him for doing fake Italian…gotta kind of give him that.
• Breakfast is on tap today
• Create a Breakfast Amuse Bouche
• Melissa – French toast, eggs in a nest.
• Stefan – huevos rancheros
• Radhika – potato cake, mini omelette
• Daniel – cornflake encrusted zucchini flower (huh?)
• Ariane – stuffed French toast
• Jamie – bacon, lettuce, tomato breakfast sandwich
• Leah – bacon, egg and cheese (hers is one bite and she makes a whole thing about pointing that out. She’s totally that kid in class who points out when people aren’t following the rules…)
• Fabio – brioche with banana and espresso cream
• Jeff – twice baked potato
• BOTTOM: Daniel (all corn flakes), Fabio (too rich)
• TOP: Stefan, Leah (sniff), Jamie
• WINNER: LEAH
• He gives her a copy of his book.
• Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.
• Jamie is pissed that she’s been close twice. She’s cool about it.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
• Padma talks about raising your profile and your identity as a chef equaling people knowing what you’re about.
• CREATE A DISH FOR A 2 ½ MINUTE DISH FOR A LIVE TELEVISION SEGMENT
• Winning this challenge has a major advantage, Padma says.
• Rocco says to keep it simple.
• The chefs go shopping at Whole Foods with $100.
• Fabio goes back and cuts his own tuna – hilarious.
• Eugene is going to do sushi, so is Hosea – they both go cut their own tuna, as well.
• Alex is doing a dessert – a crème brulée. I don’t know…this isn’t looking good for him. Eesh.
• They’ve set up a table there and each chef will go behind it and perform their little 2 ½ minute segment.
• Everyone’s freaking out.
• Ariane: Jersey Beefsteak Tomato Salad, Watermelon and Feta
• She’s doing really well – super homey
• Jamie Smugface: Salad with Duck egg, bacon and caviar
• Tom’s adorable. I’m just going to put that out there. I kind of love him.
• Gail asks how you know if the egg is ready. Hers isn’t. Rocco is all, “raw egg White. Ew.”
• Alex and his dessert: he’s nervous and he runs out of time. It hadn’t set. Aw man.
• Jeff: Malfouf roll with shrimp. He’s nervous and okay, but he gets through it.
• Fabio points out that these chefs are using ingredients that no one knows and it’s not a good idea (he’s totally right…duck egg??! Malfouf?!?)
• Fabio does a tuna, carrots and asparagus – Padma asks how soon he is from Italy, he says he’s fresh out of the boat.
• Daniel does great – I love it. I thought he was being all nerdy with his “I love everything tv”, but he does great.
• Stefan is wooden
• Hosea is fumbling
• Eugene is awesome…of course.
• Melissa does a spicy something…Tom is about to blow fire out of his mouth. Seriously. He runs out of the kitchen.
• Carla runs out of time.
• Radhika runs out of time.
• Leah runs out of time – she’s totally shaking and nervous.
• The judges talk.
• Disappointments: Jamie (bad cook), Leah (too nervous), Alex (bad choice), Carla (nervous energy, good dish).
• Good: Daniel (a lot of charm, bit of a mess, smoking out the studio, a ham), Stefan (smart to have a swap out, but he was wooden), Melissa (too spicy), Jeff (had a lot, but because he has that douchebag level of confidence he did great), Fabio was a dream, Ariane ‘hit it out of the park’.
• Bottom 3: Melissa, Alex and Jamie
• Top 3: Jeff, Fabio and Ariane
• Back at the house..
• Jamie sulks and ‘cries herself to sleep.’
• Alex gets all weird and bravado – he chose a dessert and he could have ‘pussied out’ and chose a salad. I’m not on board with this – Ariane was smart with her choice.
• Leah points out that Alex is getting married in under a month and that he’s over it. Good point. He jumps on that…ooh, a way out? To reject Top Chef before it rejects me?
• Tom peeps into the girl’s room, grabs Ariane. Then gets Fabio and Jeff at 2AM.
• Tom tells them – the hosts of the Today Show will be judging the top 3.
• They’re totally stoked, as they should be.
• I’m liking Fabio and Ariane more and more and Jeff less and less. But they’re all fine.
• Jeff declares that he’s going to be serving a middle eastern roll to a ‘bunch of unsophisticated ladies’ at 6:30 in the morning. UNSOPHISTICATED LADIES? I’m not following. HOW POMPOUS IS THIS MOTHERFUCKER?
• Ariane is adorable…just genuine and awesome.
• The Food Stylist comes down, has them set their stuff onto a cart to go up to the set – I hope she can take the wheat stalk out of her mouth long enough so Jeff can help her understand a “middle eastern roll.” What a tool.
• The chefs wake up – no Top 3, but the TV is set up.
• Ah, Meredith Viera – one of the Unsophisticated Ladies. Jeff. Is. Dead. To. Me.
• Winner will be chosen on the show…
• Taste Ariane’s – going over well, Meredith hates watermelon, but she forks around it.
• Fabio’s is next – “I have no idea what’s going on.” HE’S ADORABLE.
• Jeff’s is next – Kathy Lee Gifford spits it out. Yep.
• Jeff says, “then there’s a gagging sound.” Shit.
• The hosts huddle up…it’s obviously between Fabio and Ariane
• ARIANE WINS
• Meredith comes back and congratulates Ariane – that’s awesome.
• Fabio says that Ariane totally deserved it. Good for him.
• Rocco gives her about two dozen tools and she’ll presenting a dish on the today show the day after this episode airs. Ariane says that it will make a huge difference in her restaurant which is 30 minutes from NY.
JUDGES TABLE
• Melissa, Jamie and Alex are on the bottom.
• Melissa: shrimp too spicy...for some of you.
• Rocco says, bullshit. You couldn’t have tasted more than one bite of that dish, let alone inexperienced chefs working with habanero chiles.
• Jamie got frazzled. The judges give her some really creative criticism, like more on point than I’ve ever seen (Tom says she should have flipped the egg to make it cook faster, Gail says she should just roll with the punches…) it’s all very civil.
• Jamie cuts them off. WHY.
• Apparently, she’s fully aware of everything she did wrong and she knows everything there is to know about everything.
• Rocco points out that her body language was saying she was angry.
• She says she was angry at herself and that she should know better.
• What she ‘should know better’ is how to take criticism.
• Alex – he says he thought being different would get him into the top 3.
• Tom asks why he chose the crème brulée?
• Alex says that the whole point of this competition is to ‘push yourself’ Tom says, the point of this competition is to win.
• Snap.
• Tom says there was no way it could be finished. I mean, like impossible.
• Alex agrees, but then says that he should have done something ‘easy’…
• Anyone have anything else to say?
• Melissa says that SHE wants to be here more than anything and SHE really thinks she shouldn’t go home and that SHE, SHE, SHE.
• The judges pick up on it…uh, is there someone here who doesn’t want to be here?
• Shiiiiiit.
• Alex? He takes the high road, doesn’t take the bait and just says that he deserves to be here because he’s a good chef and that his performance was not a good one.
• What’s up with Melissa though!?!?
• Are all of their pants high waters?
• Rocco – all 3 were inedible.
• Execution: Jamie was a bitch, Melissa still defends her Dish o’Fire.
• And then in the back room, Melissa is still talking at people like SHE wants to be here and that there are definitely PEOPLE here who DON’T want to be here (look at Alex, look at Alex)
• To which he asks, “is she throwing me under the bus?”
• Jamie answers, “I think she wants to, but it’s too late.” Good answer. Okay…I will withhold further sniffs.
• Alex is like, “yeah, but that’s fucked up.”
• Gail points out that Alex’s dish was doomed. Impossible.
• Presentation? He would have been fine.
• Now Melissa is stooped over and crying…Hosea is comforting her. WTF?
• What’s with these little mini-dramadies of Leah/Hosea flirting? And it’s like gross teenagery flirting that makes me just roll my eyes over and over again?? Is this a new Bravo thing??
• Tom summarizes - Melissa: your dish was too spicy, Alex: you were doomed, Jamie: raw egg and then got weird.
• PACK YOUR KNIVES: ALEX
• Dude, I totally called it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Man.
• Carla’s the first to stand and hug him. Love her.
• Hosea tells Melissa Eyebrows that he’s glad she’s still here.
• What. A. Monkeyhander.
• Next week: Gail’s Bridal Shower?? Fabio tries to pick up on all of them.

Flirting With Forty Movie Trailer!

2008-11-20T19:18:00.000-08:00

I'm shameless. Forgive me. But I'm just so excited I had to share. The trailer for the Flirting with Forty movie is playing on Lifetime, as well as on their website, and now here!

I was looking forward to the movie which premieres on Lifetime December 6th, 9 pm ET/PT, and have been putting together party boxes for all my readers holding premiere parties that night, but now that I've seen the trailer with Adele's "Chasing Pavements" playing, I'm well, giddy. And happy. I loved this story, in part because it's so much my story, but now that it's a Lifetime movie, it's everyone's story.

Watch the trailer and let me know what you think!

Top Chef: Episode 2

2008-11-19T20:28:00.000-08:00

I’m perched on a fucking step stool, because I have a modem and a wireless thingie that apparently don’t “like” each other. Which leads me here – sitting will-nill next to my phone jack with my computer balancing on my legs.

All for Top Chef!!!

So, let’s get to it – my ass is killing me.

Last week, we got rid of Lauren and Patrick. Stefan won both the Quickfire and the Elimination and is coming off as shitty and arrogant. He says Fabio is his biggest competition – and I’m remembering that Fabio didn’t even win when it was just him and another person…so, really? And then Fabio meanders through a lovely story about no matter how many dragon one slays, it’s the Princess that matters. And…he wants the princess. Apparently, the title of Top Chef is now a princess.

Quickfire

• Padma is there with Donatella Arpella – she’s a restaurateur.
• The Chefs have to cook against an expert…Angelina, a dirty water dog maker in NY.
• Create Your Own Signature Hot Dog and do they measure up to Angelina’s.
• And the countdown begins---on who says “I’m a top cuisine person…hot dogs are beneath me…”
• I’m glad that Fabio is down with the hot dog making…he’s not disrespecting it.
• Does Stefan have marbles in his mouth?
• Coltish Jill isn’t going to make a hot dog…youch.
• Jill makes a summer roll…and is nailed for not making her own hot dog. Uh-huh.
• Radhika’s Indian hot dog…
• Daniel does traditional…he did his own casing.
• Eugene does a sushi hot dog.
• Hosea – bacon and roasted pepper…
• Stefan says it’s a World Dog…and he serves a German Beer with it. Sniff.
• Carla – lamb and pork sausage. “really moist”
• Ariane – chicken and bacon sausage…strong celery taste
• Fabio – Mediterranean feel
• Jamie – pork and beef, paprika…piece of bone in Padma’s????? Ewwww.
• Angelina’s hot dog…classic. Hers is slamming.
• Bottom: Jill, Stefan (he’s mystified…obvs)
• Top 3 – Radhika, Fabio, Hosea
• WINNER: RADHIKA

Elimination Challenge

• Contestants will open a restaurant in Manhattan
• New American Lunch Menu with 3 items
• Each chef be responsible for one dish
• 50 New Yorkers will partake
• Jeff takes charge (where did that come from? Is he kind of a prick?) Everyone separates into 5 appie, 5 entrée and 5 dessert
• Fabio is growing on me…he’s genuine and not shitty like Stefan.
• Jill is off the reservation with an ostrich egg? Huh?
• Can I just say that I’m thrilled that not one contestant is wearing a fucking fedora. SIGHHHHH.
• APPIE GROUP: Jamie, Melissa, Leah, Fabio and Hosea
• ENTRÉE GROUP: Jill, Jeff, Alex, Stefan and Eugene
• DESSERT GROUP: Radhika, Richard, Carla, Ariane and Daniel
• Tom comes by….swoon.
• The restaurant they’re cooking in is Craft – Tom’s flagship restaurant.
• All of the diners are: NY Chefs who tried out for Top Chef and DIDN’T MAKE IT.
• Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
• Is Fabio telling the dragon story again that night?
• Eugene is, once again, humble and lovely. I. Love. He.

Commercial Break
• The call-in poll is about Jill’s ridiculous egg choice.
• I tried to do hand stands for you…I tried to do hand stands for you…
• Dude, the Real Housewives of Atlanta throowwwww downnnnnn….that reunion looks bonkers.

Service

• Leah says she likes having a boyfriend and is drunkenly flirting with Hosea – note to self: The Drink does not a quick wit make. DUDE, IS THAT WHAT WE SOUND LIKE DRUNK????? Aaaand, I’m never drinking again.
• Carla is opining about learning new restaurants. ARE HER EYES GIANT?
• Leah “I need a boyfriend” says it’s time to go.
• The chefs arrive at Craft.
• Two hours to prep – each course has their own corner.
• Is Jamie an asshole? (yes)
• Ariane is having people taste her lemon meringue martini…they say it’s too sweet and then she says fuck it…but then says that if she goes under they’re all gonna hear about it. What?
• Ugh – they go out to the diners (the chefs that didn’t make it on Top Chef)…and it’s a Brag-a-Thon…lord.
• Tom comes back with his executive chef…Tom’s going to run it how he does.
• H.o.t.
• The orders start coming in.
• APPIES
• Jamie does a chilled soup – she’s an asshole about it, but it’s apparently good. Sniff. I have flashbacks of assholes and the soups they make (cough…Spike…cough)
• Hosea does a cold crab salad – it’s “slimy” and “muddy”…one of the chefs says it tastes like its from a can. Woops…it is.
• Leah does a scallop thing – they’re sandy and “80’s”. Hilarious.
• Fabio – beef carpaccio with some weird olive thing…hard outside, liquid inside. They go over well.
• Melissa Eyebrows does a boring avocado thing…what???
• ENTREES
• Jill and her ostrich egg quiche – ‘dog food’ ‘tastes like glue’ woops.
• Eugene does a meatloaf sandwich – presentation bad.
• Stefan does a halibut and a ravioli – padma likes it, it goes over well.
• Jeff is falling behind…with his southern chicken. It’s seasoned nicely…it goes over well.
• Alex is doing a grilled pork tenderloin…eesh, it’s not going well.
• DESSERTS
• Radhika – citrus, avocado mousse…blahblahblah…ew. Huh? Sweet guacamole?
• Daniel – ricotta pound cake that he’s never made before (?) Going over well.
• Ariane – lemon meringue martini – her voice is bananas. Padma gags. Literally. TOO SWEET.
• Richard – sandwich, banana something…”afterschool snack”
• Carla – rustic apple tart. ‘deli counter sweaty piece of cheese”, but
• it goes over well.
• Tom tastes everything at the end….they’re all totally nervous just watching him.
• The Diners (wanna be Top Cheffers) are angered and shitty about the service. Man, jealousy is u.g.l.y.
• Tom is disappointed and shocked how shitty it was.

Judges Table

• Tom comes back and says he’s disappointed…and that the chefs set New American back 20 years.
• He calls Jamie, Hosea, Ariane, Fabio, Carla and Jill
• Top – Carla’s apple tart, Fabio’s beef carpaccio (adorable), Jamie’s soup (she apparently just wanted to “celebrate the season.” Whatevs.
• WINNER: FABIO
• I’m good with that…he’s delightful and genuine. And it’s not Jamie and her fucking soup.
• Bottom - Hosea’s crab salad, Ariane’s meringue (she drones on…sweet?), Jill’s ostrich quiche. Dude, Tom’s pissed.
• Hosea was shocked that he was in the bottom 3 with canned crab??
• Ariane’s got spit out. End.
• Jill rambled about why she chose ostrich. And in the backroom she just still seems kind of sadly bewildered by it all.
Commercial Break
• That Real Housewives of Atlanta just seems gross. What’s wrong with people?
• Australia is going to flop…I’m calling it. But Hugh Jackman? Sighhhhh.
• I hate those commercials where the camera pans to the back of the person’s head and it’s not there – but a stage is, or something. It’s haunting.
• Call-in poll – Jill choice of Ostrich Egg was ‘too risky’. Duh.

ELIMINATION
• Pack your knives: JILL
• Jill tries to say that the judges didn’t ‘appreciate’ the ostrich egg, not that it was prepared badly.
• She loses it back stage…poor thing.
• Ariane breaks down that she doesn’t deserve it. Carla soothes her really sweetly. It’s a nice moment.
• NEXT WEEK: Elimination – Thanksgiving dinner for the Foo Fighters?
• Dave Grohl? Uh…yes, please.

TOP CHEF!!!

2008-11-16T09:07:00.000-08:00

So, my DSL is still ass. The wireless is going in and out and I'm just getting used to life without being on-line - a life surprisingly wonderful. Who knew?

The wireless was officially fiddled with yesterday and looks to be up and running so, I can maybe think about blogging Top Chef - whereas before I'd resigned myself to not being able to.

So, the challenge was to team up, pick a district of New York and you and your partner would go head to head cooking an ethnic dish from that area. Winner is safe, loser goes back for possible elimination. First thoughts? Who DIDN'T think little Patrick was going to go home? His little, rosy red cheeks, that tireless sweetness...yeah, he was doomed. I'm also starting a new game in these beginning weeks: whomever brags the most in their confessional, goes home the quickest - as was the example of First Girl Gone (don't even remember her name - website says it Lauren) She was all - yeah, one of those coats is definitely mine, blah blah blah. Next shot: her on the ferry home.

Who I love? Eugene. He has that motherfucker quality blended with a genuine loveliness. I love a man with a tattoo, as well. So, I may be partial. Not feeling Stefan and Fabio - they seem like blowhards. Stefan actually has something to back it up: winning both the Quickfire and the Elimination challenge, but Fabio...uh, brother needs to back his shit up if he wants to keep talking shit. I love Carla, the little fairy girl who said she's guided by "spirits." She crazy, but totally harmless. Who else...intrigued by Alex, Hosea and Jeff. Three pretty solid chefs...and uh...not so bad to look at either. Ahem. Just sayin - they're no Harold or Dale, but WHO IS?!?!

I got a bit nervous with Jamie - she has some Tiffany/Lisa qualities to her. The one that's always all: I'm here to win, not make friends. So. Predictable. You have zero social skills. What do you say when not in a cooking competition? Like at a market or a Starbucks when you're being a bitch? Uh, yeah - I'm here to win, not make friends. The guy behind the counter is all...uh, do you want to order something? I'M HERE TO WIN, NOT MAKE FRIENDS! Sigh. Because who could be mean to Richard? He thinks Tom is cute!! He's lovely and friendly and JAMIE WAS MEAN TO HIM. Snifffff....

Danny seems feh. I liked Ariane and see myself growing to like her more...she feels like someone's Mom, or something...and Courtney Cox. Someone's Mom and Courtney Cox. I totally like Jill- the word 'coltish' kept running through my head...she seems solid and cool. Couldn't get a handle on Leah, just felt bad for Radhika. Melissa I have no idea about...she seems bewildered half the time and the other half the time I'm just kinda looking at her eyebrows.

So next week!

Oh, and I'm TOTALLY OBSESSED with Top Gear. I want to marry it. I want to make out with it a little. I. Am. Obsessed. Check it out - Mondays, I think, on BBCAmerica.

it's a beautiful day...

2008-11-04T07:08:00.000-08:00

...to vote.

life is but a dream by lauren

2008-10-30T07:36:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had a dream that seems so real you can't let it go? This happens to me often. I'll wake up annoyed at my neighbor for painting my front door with chocolate pudding, or unable to look my boss in the eye after our unexpected fling in the Gobi desert, or thrilled that my dad has given me a woolly mammoth for my birthday...and it will take me hours to get over the fact that none of these things has actually happened. Well, last night I had one of those dreams, and let's just say...Megan Crane, that guy was no good for you anyway.

I should make it clear that I don't know Megan all that well. We are e-mail friends who have met each other in person a grand total of once, at a party thrown by our publisher a year or so ago. Megan lives on the West Coast, I live in New York. I guarantee that when she sees this post, and her photo on it, she'll be flummoxed. I am quite certain I don't appear in her dreams.

But for whatever reason, Megan was the surprise guest last night in mine. In it, I was attending a reunion weekend with my real-life college sorority sisters. (There were about 20 of us there, including my friend Muffy, who was eating this crazy jelly-and-banana sandwich, but that's beside the point.) Anyway, we're all packing up, getting ready to go back home, when Megan drives up in a cute convertible, all downtrodden, wearing a sorry pink bathrobe, with wet hair. It turns out some no-good guy she's been dating has been treating her badly, they've had a huge fight, and she thinks he's going to break up with her.

OK, Megan? Any clues here?

Moving and Shaking by Liza

2008-10-27T10:36:00.001-07:00

I moved - last week, to be precise - under the Quixote like declaration that I'm now working on Book 4 and I always move with a new book. New Book, New Place, I exclaim! Why do I NEVER remember how hellish and horrible everyone reading this remembers their moves were. Do we forget how truly hellish it is? I must.

I was in this more corporate feeling housing for the last 18 months (book three's birthplace). I found it because I had to do anything to get away from my Recording Studio as neighbor situation (where Seeing Me Naked was written). I knew this last apartment was temporary - or maybe the place just never clicked in. It's always weird when that happens. You don't hang art, you really don't unpack all the way, you're always looking at For Rent signs.

I found this new place in a great neighborhood and exactly my style: teensy and cottagey. I jumped on it - really for the location alone. And then, after signing all the papers, I went back.

Holy shit. What had I done?

The house is old - so there's kinks to be worked out and wood to be Murphy's Oiled and corners to be Cloroxed Wiped (what did we do before Clorox Wipes?!?!?). There's back yards to be cleaned and lavender to be planted. There's DSL to be hooked up (still waiting on that one), and satellite tvs to be mounted. There's gas to be turned on and electrical sockets to be found and tested. There's blinds to be taken down and shades and curtains to be put up.

And this monstrosity taken down...where do people find these things?!?!

Oh...and Coroner's Tape to be taken off the front door.

I'll let that sink in.

CORONER'S TAPE.

Okay...so, someone died here. Okay. It's naive to think I haven't lived in another apartment where someone died. <-- this was my argument to calm my nerves. Now, I'm from Southern California and pride myself on this - but even I was embarrassed at how quickly I called "someone" to come in and "cleanse" the place. As she walked around with sage and candles, I thought...really? Has it really come to this? But, you better believe I was smudging corners of the room with sage and ringing that Tibetan bell loud and proud as we walked through the tiny house in search of the last resident. And then I brought Poet in.

This dog is my cross to bear.

The first night sleeping in the new house, Poet just paced the beautiful hardwood floors I had so loved, now cursed for making her pacing all but deafening. She would pace, pant, shake and then jolt her head up into one of the darkened corners and stare. And shake. And stare. And every night since she's done the same thing - apparently, the specter of the previous tenant is in the smoke detector, according to Poet the Wonder Dog.

I was talking to Megan about the upheaval of it all and said that after how ridiculously shitty Moving Day is, all you want to do it go home---and it's the one thing you can't do.

And there's something about moving that just puts spotlights on whole corners of one's life that the usual everyday grind tends to gloss over. You take inventory of not only everything you own, but everything you have both tangibly and intangibly. It's a paring down and a taking stock and a simplification and an explanation and the entire thing is this cataclysmic clusterfuck which backs you into this corner of isolation that just turns you into a crazy person rocking back and forth clicking your heels three times hoping it will transport you somewhere you feel at home.

But, it's just time. Time spent treading the new boards of your new home. Sleeping in the new place, waking up and hoping today...today, maybe it will feel more like home. And every day it does...a little. I think having Poet helps, only because walking her twice a day connects me to the community around and I think every little bit helps. The pacing, panting, shaking routine is waning now...but, I swear at 10 years old - she still has the energy of a puppy when it comes to her own insanity.

I watch House Hunters pretty regularly and I always noted how after the person bought their new house, that the show usually goes back 3 months later to check in to see how they've settled in.

3 months.

I'll mark it on my calendar now and cross my fingers.

Any other hellish moves out there??

Two songs that have really gotten me through this time:

Sia: Day Too Soon
(I can't get enough of Sia these days...I'm basically listening to her albums non-stop...)

And I can't get this song out of my head...now, YOU too can join me...

New Beginnings by Jane Porter

2008-10-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

I need to start my next book and I can't seem to get past the stumbling of fingers on keyboard, and the fingers hesitate and stumble because I'm at the beginning. Beginnings used to be my favorite part of writing. I loved the crisp, fresh idea, the opportunity to do anything, create anything, the sense of unlimitless possibilities. But now, after writing 30 books for two different publishers, beginnings mean something else.

They're work.

And due to fatigue (or just general laziness) there's no momentum, not like the old days, not like the hungry days where I would have given my heart and soul to be published. The problem isn't that I don't want to write--I do--but I find it much harder to jump start the process. Once I'm three or four chapters into a book, I find the momentum and tension begins building, and settling into the story every day becomes easier and easier. It's just the beginning. It feels so cold. So much like a non-event.

The secret for finding the momentum and passion is this: unplugging. I have to unplug the modem, unplug the phone, and make myself sit there without diversions, without excuses, and write. Two hours a day for the first couple of days, and then three for the next three, and then by week two, it's a minimum of four straight hours and by the end of the week, I should be pretty dang committed.

I also have to light scented candles and plug in little pink and orange lights and make sure I've got great music on the CD player. That way I enjoy sitting for three and four hour stretches at my computer. That way I'm lulled into relaxing, and focusing, and writing.

Does anyone else ever fight writing? If so, why? Do you think it's fear, or worse, just good old fashioned laziness? If you have tips or tricks for getting yourself to write, I'd love them to hear them. I might just try them.

Nothings by Jane Porter

2008-10-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

I spent the day cleaning my office which meant moving stacks of paper from one end of my desk to the other and trying to throw away or organize a third. I did empty my garbage can twice so maybe I did get something good done. I'm supposed to be writing my new book for Harlequin but instead I'm brainstorming my next book for 5 Spot. I always prefer writing like that. If something's due, do the other project. It'll be more fun and hell, the deadline's not for months.

I don't know if other writers collect paper the way I do, but I get attached to mail and magazine clippings and story ideas and well, reams and reams of paper. I have this "must keep" mentality about paper. If I toss something, I might need it later, or the scribblings on this page might be a brilliant future novel. So save. And save. And save. I hate it. I want to throw away most of my office and live in a squeaky clean modern room with just a beautiful piece of sculpture on my desk. Next to a beautiful new computer with a huge screen. A computer that won't crash or run slow. An office that would never be mine.

I create in chaos. I rip articles, ads, and photos out of magazines nightly. I print off stories and articles from the internet daily. I collect and collect and then eventually try to sort and make use of. I wouldn't have to do this, though, if I had proper ideaphoria. You know, the making of ideas. I'm not good at coming up with lots of ideas. I'm not a prolific idea maker. I'm a selective and slow idea shaper. I get one idea and I massage it endlessly until I can finally write a book. But if the idea is shoddy? Well, I'm out of luck because that's my idea. I'm going to have to find a way to make it work.

Now the office is relatively clean. Still not much open space but I do see the wood grain in places again. And I have a photo of Shey in a folder for my next 5 Spot novel. And a cool house Shey's neighbor is going to live in. And a premise. Now if only that equaled a novel.

Time to clean some more. Or write. No, clean. Cleaning is far easier.

Happy &$(@$# Monday by Liza

2008-10-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

This still makes me laugh...EVERY. TIME.

My new worthy cause? Ruining all of those viral videos where there's some languid person riding a bike or driving in the hills or whatever and then some masked asshole comes out of nowhere and makes you piss yourself? Yeah...I. Hate. Those.

Someone sent one around today and I replied to everyone saying, 'SOMEONE JUMPS OUT! DON'T WATCH THIS!' Needless to say, the sender was not amused. Ohh...too bad. What's the worst that can happen? You'll take me off your forward list? YES. PLEASE.

Have a great Monday!!!

A Little International Traveling Music by Megan

2008-09-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

This post is in honor of Liza, who is even now exploring England and Ireland.

Here's Tom Petty singing "American Girl" at the Superbowl. Frankly, I prefer the studio version of the song, but you can't have everything:

Here's a combination of two of my very favorite things, Counting Crows singing "American Girls" and Gossip Girl with, yes, that limo scene involving my beloved Chuck Bass:

You can see the actual Counting Crows video here. Though, I warn you, much as I worship him with all that I am, Adam Duritz's hair is a whole... situation.

Here's a link to "Land of Canaan" by the Indigo Girls-- another excellent traveling song.

Here's Snow Patrol singing "Make This Go On Forever," live:

Paul Simon's sad, "far from home," wandering song, "American Tune," live from 1975:

And the ultimate road-tripping song, while we're thinking about Paul Simon-- "America" by Simon & Garfunkel, which is completely inappropriate for Liza's current trip:

Okay. Here's Billy Bragg's classic "A New England," to get back on track:

And my favorite Irish boyband, Westlife:

This is the video with the lipsyncing all messed up:

A better, unembeddable version is here, complete with lyrics!

And a song to speed Liza safely home to the beautiful west coast, Joni Mitchell singing "California," one of the best songs ever:

Happy trails!

Movie Night with a Gaping Hole by Liza

2008-09-14T17:30:00.001-07:00

So, I saw The Women last night.

Um.

***SPOILER ALERT*** SPOILER ALERT***

Turned away yet?

Yeah, it was horrible. I mean, like unwatchable. It makes The Holiday look like Shakespeare. And I love a movie that happily takes you away for two hours...

But, my advice? Every writer should see this movie. I may even see it again for that reason. Megan and I always talk about trying to find the Gaping, yet seemingly hidden, holes in early drafts. This movie is all about gaping holes. It's as if they didn't watch their own movie or ask themselves - what is this movie about? And I totally understand - you get caught up in the details of your characters or plot or whatever and you don't step back at ask the big questions.

Having just turned in a draft, I'm in that state of mind - and it just hit home. *There were plot points to nowhere,
*bookending plots that never bookended,
*characters going on trips for no apparent reason,
*fantasy worthy plot lines that just seemed forced and ridiculous,
*unanswered plots that were treated importantly one minute and never heard from again,
*cameos by Bette Midler in the middle of nowhere to dole out sage advice and then never heard from again,
*a high-powered woman does anything to keep her job (even betray a best friend) and we see her finally compromise herself completely - the next time we see her, she's walking along and proclaims to said best friend that she had to quit that job. THAT'S NOT A SCENE YOU THINK WE SHOULD SEE???
*Adolescents rebelling for half a second and then the next shot they are back to normal (no questions asked),
*no scene led to the next - it was this bizarre stopping and starting thing that never got the momentum going,
*secondary characters who were supposed to be best friends and yet...simply weren't,
*A creepy socio-economic -us and them- theme, where you just felt there was this class snobbery going on that bordered on offensive, if not totally - I might just have been numb by that time.

Nothing worked.

It was an entire movie of WHAT NOT TO DO.

So tragic, given the cast. I loved seeing Meg Ryan back on screen, but I hated that this was the movie she was on screen in.

The best scene - jesus, not even scene, because the scene is frustratingly horrible, but Meg Ryan gives a great couple of lines in the La Perla fitting room to Eva Mendes...but then it gets all weird and completely drops the ball...as this movie always did.

But, highly recommended viewing for those writers out there....seriously. So educational.

Anyone else see it???

Question by Liza

2008-09-10T23:22:00.001-07:00

Question:

Hey, just real fast.

When did people stop wearing underwear?

I mean...when did THAT happen? And I'm not talking about going commando on laundry day, either. I mean, you look at your dresser, maybe lay out your outfit, take a shower, wander back into your bedroom with your towel on, start to get dressed and strategically omit the underwear.

And then you decide...you know what would go best with this No Underwear thing? Low-rise jeans.

So, now --- cut to: me sitting in Starbucks trying to write, looking up in thought and whammo: Naked Ass in My Face.

Like - for a long time, too. She was just chilling...with zero underwear and all kinds of ass.

I'm by no means a prude, but I do know what's kind of weird and jarring and Some Random Stranger's Ass in my Face over coffee? Not cute.

One has to argue: I'm sitting here. I don't have clothes on my face. I can feel a breeze on my face. I know I have no clothes there. Hence, I know you can see my face. CAN YOU NOT FEEL A BREEZE ON YOUR ASS? Can you then surmise that we can see your ass?

I don't get it.

Sigh.

Here's another song for you. So good.

Hard to Concentrate - Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Music...wait, what day is it? (by Liza...hey, I could be a member of the Wu-Tang Clan...Lza)

2008-09-10T09:49:00.001-07:00

I'm on deadline...like vomit inducing deadline. And the main thing that's keeping me from putting my head in the oven is music. Well, that and coffee. And...those little Madelaine's from Starbucks? Yeah those too.

So, here are some of the songs I've obsessively listened to for the past few months. Since I'm on crunch time now - I'm really only listening to one song and the minute I clicked on it...my entire body/mind got into this zone...Deadline Time. The song is called The Healing and it's off of the Lady in the Water soundtrack. If you scroll down on the link you can get a listen (Prologue and Cereal Boxes are also good...)

But before The Healing - I was listening to a lot of Brandi Carlile (Turpentine is insanely good, followed closely by Downpour), Ryan Adams (Two and Come Pick Me Up from the great Elizabethtown soundtrack). This playlist has a lot of Alexi Murdoch - I found this great song, Song For You, the other night when I was sitting in this wine bar and it just came on over the sound system. One of those perfect music moments. All My Days is also really good - it apparently has the Indie Stamp o'Approval as it was used in the OC.

I'm listening to the Once soundtrack still (The Hill by Marketa Irglova is my favorite) Whenever one builds a more melancholy playlist - Damien Rice is a necessity. 9 Crimes will pretty much do the trick every time (this clip is from one of my favorite shows, Live at Abbey Road on the Sundance Channel. Highly recommended)

Obviously there are the old stand-bys: Sarah McLachlan (Hold On, World on Fire and Fallen made it on this playlist), Tori Amos (Bouncing off Clouds and Northern Lad)and David Gray (As I'm Leaving and The Other Side)

I found this song today and I love it. I wish I'd had it months ago. I'm a big Sia fan and love most everything she does. This song is no exception.

Sia - Soon We'll be Found

Oooh, here it is acoustic.

Have a great week! Me? I'll be listening to The Healing and eating York Peppermint Patties.

Tonight! Want to Publish a Book?? by Megan

2008-09-02T09:13:00.001-07:00

Want to publish a book?

Want to finish the one you're writing? Want to ask about the agent search, query letters, the truth about self-promotion, or anything else your heart desires? Tonight is your chance!

"HOW TO GET PUBLISHED" Seminar with Megan Crane and Liza Palmer – back by popular demand!

BLANKSPACES
5405 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90036
September 2, 2008 – 7pm
(323)-330-9505

BLANKSPACES hosts MeetUps for entrepreneurs on the first Tuesday of every month with key speakers. September’s will feature Megan Crane, author of "Names My Sisters Call Me," and Liza Palmer, author of "Seeing Me Naked" and the-optioned-for-an-HBO-series "Conversations with the Fat Girl." Megan and Liza are once again getting together to give their workshop on How to Get Published. Come pick their brains!

This seminar is a whole lot of fun for us-- we'll tell you our stories, which are pretty much the opposite of each other, and then we'll dedicate the rest of the time to answering any and all questions you want to ask us about the publishing industry, writing, or whatever else comes up. (I wouldn't be surprised if Liza starts talking about Top Chef. And I am more than happy to discuss Gossip Girl.)

Two accomplished writers, no waiting.

See you there!

Fun with 5 Spot by Megan

2008-08-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a great week for the 5 Spot here in LA.

Check out 5 Spot in the Farmer's Market with the delightful Kristin Harmel, Liza and me.

And then, check out last night's fantastic 5 Spot at the S Factor event, starring Claire LaZebnik, Liza, me, and the S Factor instructors.

That's almost too much fun, people!

5 Spot Goodness: Los Angeles Labor Day Events by Megan

2008-08-27T12:11:00.000-07:00

5 Spot books and Pole Dancing-- an unbeatable combination!

S Factor – Encino Studio
Saturday, August 30th – 7pm
17253 Ventura Blvd., Encino, CA 91316
(818) 817-4585

Come join 5 Spot authors Liza Palmer, Claire LaZebnik, and Megan Crane for this incredible night at Sheila Kelly's S Factor Studio in Encino. There will be readings from all three authors, and there will be pole-dancing demos by S Factor instructors which you won't want to miss, because those ladies are incredible. AND the event, unlike the S Factor, is co-ed, so you can introduce the man in your life to the S Magic – along with some really good books!

Then, when the weekend is over, it's time to talk business. Are you a writer? Do you want to be? Want to pick the brains of two very different writers about... anything you can think of related to the writing process? The we have just the thing:

"HOW TO GET PUBLISHED" Seminar with Megan Crane and Liza Palmer – back by popular demand!

BLANKSPACES
5405 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90036
September 2, 2008 – 7pm
(323)-330-9505

BLANKSPACES hosts MeetUps for entrepreneurs on the first Tuesday of every month with key speakers. September’s will feature Megan Crane, author of "Names My Sisters Call Me," and Liza Palmer, author of "Seeing Me Naked" and the-optioned-for-an-HBO-series "Conversations with the Fat Girl." Megan and Liza are once again getting together to give their workshop on How to Get Published. Come pick their brains!

Live a Little lives

2008-08-17T20:23:00.001-07:00

My first 5 Spot book is out. I feel...the same. Okay, maybe a little thinner.

Here are some of the funniest reactions from people I know:

"Omigod, where can I get it?" (Whispered under breath, as if could only be pubbed by extremely marginal, nay, illicit self-publisher.)
"I bought it already! On Amazon! I pre-ordered it!" (Aiming for Best Fan. Is Best Fan.)
"Did you get any, like, reviews?" (Self-explanatory.)
"Is it pink?" (Fuuuuuuuck.)
"Is it better than your other ones?" (Much.)
"It's a comedy about cancer?" (Demoting me to C-list friend.)
"Will you just give me a copy?" (If I was Danielle Steele, I sure would.)

Ebbs and Flows by Liza

2008-08-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

I've been noticing a trend as of late...no, not my penchant for blogging about 1) reality shows 2) music 3) US Swimmers.

Everyone's in a weird place right now.

There's this dip happening where it just seems like everything's hard and nothing's quite working out and life has taken on this molasses-y kind of pace.

This Everything and Nothing kind of summer.

Like if you were to meet up with someone you haven't seen in awhile and they asked you how things were going, there would be this moment of, "jeez, what do I talk about first!" and then the realization that everything is kind of internal and really no actual events have been happening around you - and yet you're freaking exhausted and feel different about everything. So...you just mutter, "same ole, same ole." and walk away feeling like a loser.

Maybe it's just me. I have a tendency to drag everyone into my ego maniacal musings. But, I don't think so. I think there's this need in us (especially women) to have something Check Off-able every day. Some task that needs finishing. Some To Do list shortened - otherwise, we feel like a failure or a lay-about. We don't value the concept of Progress. Or at least I don't. I want shit finished. I want to Get There. I want the destination.

I hate (sometimes) that what matters is the journey. That the destination is only as good and noble as the journey that led to it.

But...man oh man...that journey is wrenchingly long, arduous, boring, frustrating, lonely, beautiful, hilarious, heartbreaking, educational and just downright mean some days.

And then - as it does - I saw these two things that made me look at this theory again.

A little vignette on how Michael Phelps spends his days and the E True Hollywood Story on Mariska Hargitay.

I know...it's like so obvious! How did I not think to link those two things before?!?!?!

Michael Phelps spends his days - waking up, making breakfast, swimming, eating, swimming some more, eating some more, working out and then heading home again.

Nothing glamorous about that.

Mariska Hargitay spoke about all these ridiculous lulls in her career where she talked about what a loser she was, how all signs pointed to her quitting, there was no real reason for her to continue on when there was no proof it was ever going to get better.

And - all of the sudden, I didn't feel so alone in my journey. My boring, wrenching, everything and nothing journey.

It's those lulls, those quiet moments where there's no reason to believe, there's no one around, there's The Quiet - and yet you keep on keeping on. Because You Know.

That when the shit hits the fan you need to be prepared: with a manuscript, a piece of art, a certain level of fitness - whatever...OR that if you give up now, what the fuck was it all for?

What if instead of seeing these quiet moments as some kind of failure, we saw them as a cocooning period - growth, training, readying.

Here's an acoustic version of Brandi Carlisle's The Story - kind of my anthem right now.

Let's be kind to ourselves this week. Take leaps and ready ourselves for the Gold Medal round or that call from Law and Order.

Golden (by Liza)

2008-08-14T11:08:00.001-07:00

I. Am. Riveted.

Have you been just as mesmerized by these Olympics as I have? And I have to say, I wasn't really looking forward to them - I don't know why. My tv is acting up (as it does) and doesn't really like network television so much, so after about 10 minutes the sound cranks up to like 1,000 and sounds like the parents on Peanuts. It's completely ridiculous and I'm sure there's some way to fix it, but...alas.

So, maybe it was the tv thing - but I am absolutely blind-sided by how much I'm enjoying watching these Olympics.

I tend to get really emotional while watching the Olympics - because I suppose I look at these youngish kids and think - they've dreamed of this moment every morning at 5am, every day for their entire life. And here it is.

I've been mostly watching the swimming. And I swear it's not because of...

(aaron piersol - us backstroker)

Although...

But, the story that I loved was the South Korean swimmer, Park Tae-hwan, who competed in Athens at 14 and got disqualified because he jumped into the pool before the gun. And the sight of this little boy grabbing his backpack and skulking off the pool deck was heartbreaking. So, here he is - 4 years later and ready to make some new memories.

And he wins the gold in the 400m freestyle - the same event that thwarted him 4 years earlier. Right when he won, there was this spectrum of emotions that crossed over his face that was so beautiful - from disbelief, to joy, to relief and then over the moon allowing himself to really feel the win. It's what these Olympics are about.

I've loved watching Michael Phelps - he strikes me as a good kid who's worked his ass off and sacrificed a lot to get where he is. I hope he keeps going in his bid to make history....and no, it's not because of...

But it helps.

I can't wait for the rest of the sports. Something to look forward to...something to stay up until midnight for.

Something to not write for? Not so much...better get to it....but what about onnnnne morrrreeeee little picturrrrre? Can't hurt, right?

(Cullen Jones - one of the four men on That Relay - how great was that?!?!?)

Who else has been watching?!?!?!

Age Becomes Her

2008-08-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

I like getting older. This might be a strange place to bare my aging soul as most of you are decades younger than me, but getting older is good. It feels good. Except for declining estrogen and progesterone, getting older has meant that I actually like myself a whole lot more.

Case in point--I'm forgetting things more now, like this 5 Spot blog, for one. It's not until I am face to face with Megan and Liza that I go, oh right, 5 Spot blog. Honestly, it's that bad. In my little world there is my boys, my man, my dog, my friends, my writing, and my bills. Not necessarily in that order but all priorities. And the problem with my writing is that lately it's become book writing. I just haven't had time for anything but well, writing the book that wouldn't come together so blogs and articles and essays have all fallen aside. And then I forget the other stuff ever existed and I am happy.

Happy to forget that there is far more to do than I am doing.

Happy to forget that I'm not meeting all my obligations.

Happy to forget that I haven't worked out in six and a half months.

Happy to forget my credit cards are alarmingly full and money's tight but I'm forging ahead with new travel plans anyway.

Happy, happy forgetful me. And the odd thing is, I don't even have anxiety over being forgetful. In the past, in my youth, I would have beat myself up over my failures and shortcomings. Now I just embrace them. I even laugh with giddy excitement. I'm so bad at that. Or worse, That's what I love about me.

Truly, I mean it.

Maybe this is the part of aging we should talk about. Enough about midlife weight gain and crows feet and perimenopause. Let's realize there are far better things ahead. Comfort. Humor. Acceptance. Self-acceptance.

And I only had to wait forty-four years to find it.

Poet and Liza: an uncomfortable love affair

2008-08-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

I've spoken several times about my ridiculously co-dependant relationship with The Dog. Since all this book stuff started happening, I've had to travel more and more. All this travel meant that I had to find someone/a team of people/a village/a saint to watch over Poey.

This is not an easy task.

Lest we forget - this is the dog I have to wash myself in one of those Do-It-Yourself places because she has a tendency to 1) shit herself 2) bite the groomers on the crowns of their heads. This is also the dog that has anxiety attacks if she believes there to be a thunderstorm. Now, I put "believes" in there, because 99% of the time the noise she actually hears is a passing truck, an upstairs neighbor scooting out a chair or the most common offender: nothing at all.

I love my dog.

I love my dog to the point of it being uncomfortable. I had someone staying at my apartment for a couple of days and became fixated on their inability to get the apartment to an appropriate temperature for Poet. Yes, you read that right...what's even more haunting, is that I was perfectly comfortable typing it. I felt the need to sit down my apartment guest and explain that Poet is my roommate, the longest relationship I've ever had, and that when you leave the apartment you have to think to yourself...is it a proper temperature for her? And that's right around when I pulled a fork from the cutlery drawer and gave myself a frontal lobotomy.

A couple of months ago, my parents gave me the name of the people that watched their dogs - dogs who...well, a picture's worth a thousand words:

Leo and Lulu - my parents' dogs.

I got Tim and Susan's number and began the process of letting go and sharing the Po responsibilities. This was not an easy process. Once again, I was met head-on with the fact that the person with the problem was...well...the person. Me.

*Hello, my name is Liza Palmer and I've retarded my dog.
*Hiiiii, Lizzaaaaaaaa....

There were graphs and lists and a sheet of paper entitled, "A Day in the Life of Poet, the Wonder Dog." A sheet of paper which will most certainly be entered into evidence when I am (inevitably) checked into the insane asylum.

This past week I attended R.W.A. in San Francisco - a conference I have not recovered from. It was magical. It was...everything a conference should be. Inspirational, motivational, moving, emotional...and on and on. I miss everyone - mostly miss the din of excitement when 2,000 women come together to talk about/dream about writing. It was intoxicating.

The conference also coincidentally hit right when the news of HBO's acquiring of Conversations landed in Variety.

Homebodies Tim, no stranger to the Hollywood scene (that's him saying, "we landed") made the most of this coincidence by emailing me the following picture with the below text:
*****
There are times
When a splash in Daily Variety
Isn't statement enough.

That's when savvy celebs call
Elite Image Pet Escort
Because entertainment pros know:
How you're perceived is a function of
the pampering your pet receives!

Elite Image Pet Escort - When pet and persona require recognition!

PHOTO: Poet Palmer, demanding muse to international best selling author, playwright and Pasadena bon vi vant, Liza Palmer

*****
I think I can finally rest assured...I've found that someone/a team of people/a village/a saint(s) to watch over Poey.

Maybe I should start worrying if I'm doing as good a job as Tim and Susan?

5 Spot in San Francisco by Megan

2008-08-01T08:13:00.001-07:00

Hooray for 5 Spot authors! That's Kim Green, me, Liza Palmer, and Jane Porter, all doing the RWA thing. If you're at the conference, make sure to come say hello!

The Beginning of the End by Liza

2008-07-28T00:29:00.000-07:00

I discovered nutella today.

This is bad. Really bad.

I think I'm obsessed with it...ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Do you want to hear how I met Nutella? It was innocent enough - grabbing a lovely dessert with friends at a local crepery. Yes, we have local creperies. And one says...hey, what about this top one. The one with nutella.

I ask...Nutella?

The owner of the crepery brings out a little silver jigger thing with a spoon sticking out the top and says...'try it.'

I spooned out the luxurious concoction and sit before you now a changed woman. I just...sighhhhhhhh.

There are no words.

Well...aside from the fifty I've used to gush about Nutella and the thousand or so that I yelped at the restaurant about how amazing they were and then the hundred or so more when I called my Mom and was like...NUTELLA?!?! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!??!

This could get really bad, really fast.

Summer Songs by Liza

2008-07-17T23:20:00.001-07:00

I'm a huge fan of the Summer Song. The type of song that should be played loud and preferably in a vehicle going up the 101 freeway or in some backyard with the smell of wafting charcoal briquettes.

It's a unique type of song - it can't be melancholy (which I'm quite fond of) or even contemplative (which I'm even more fond of), for that matter. It's borderline work-out music, but with a hint of feel good, smiling, hands in the air kind of revelry that sets a Summer Song out from the rest.

Last year, I think my summer song was Umbrella by Rhianna - me and the rest of the world. It's the perfect summer song. I over played it, of course...but I'm back to having it on my work-out mix.

This year? I've really thought about this.

I have three songs vying for that top spot. And I'm positive another twenty just waiting to get bumped up.

But here are my three summer favorites so far.

1) Forever - Chris Brown
(you have to click on the link because they won't let anyone embed the video, but it's worth it...Chris Brown is ridiculous and the song is meant to be heard in its joy-filled entirety.)

But, here's Twitch and Comfort from So You Think You Can Dance dancing to it last week...it's awesome.

(it starts at about 1:03)

2) Golden Years - David Bowie
Along Megan's Bowie line, here's a song that just sounds better in the summer

(I do have a tough time not thinking of that scene in Knight's Tale, but...)

3) Elevator - Flo Rida (featuring Timbaland)
The third song is one featuring Timbaland, a man whom I think is a genius. Every song he touches turns to gold. He adds this depth to songs where you just want to just bob your head, close your eyes a little and get lost in his beats. At about 1.19...awesome

And here's the So You Think You Can Dance clip...because apparently that's how I now roll.

And one more song for good measure...

Heat of the Moment - Asia

What are some of your favorite Summer Songs?

What's the most out-there thing you ever did for love? by Kim

2008-07-15T15:03:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying that love in the rapid-heartbeat sweaty-palms vein is amusing to ruminate on as I enter my 40s and my twelfth year of being with my husband. I mean, I know I used to do conquest like all the girls, but in order to summon the feeling of it, I have to, like, pick up a trowel and start hacking away at the mountain of more recent shite that comprises my psyche. I have to do serious excavation. Somewhere, underneath the lyrics to Row, Row, Row Your Boat, a list of things you can do to pass off a Trader Joe's frozen entree as your own and what my husband likes on his burrito, it is there: the one, the only, feeling of mad yearning for another human being.

I thought it would be fun to trade tidbits from the trenches. I've been writing a younger character lately, a young girl in mad love, and crazy things people do for love have been on my mind.

I once traveled from the Greek islands to Amsterdam via ferry and train without stopping to rendezvous with a guy I met in a bar several months before who started writing me postcards care of -- horrors -- my mother. I should note that this was pre-Euro and I had no currency in half the countries we traveled through. Fully dependent on the kindness of Italian grandmothers and Swiss nannies to throw me a few scraps of nourishment, I survived mainly on terrified fantasies of what would happen if my memory of Dude In Question was not matched by reality. I did not pass go. I did not collect $200. I did not change my underwear for three days.

What have you done?

Songs I Cannot Get Out of My Head by Megan

2008-07-14T13:53:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd share my current earwigs...

(And, just for the record, I don't get the Bowie thing. I never have. I like all the songs I hear, I guess--and I love this one--but the whole Ziggy Stardust thing? And, hello, his hair and make up here? Don't get it.)

And this is not just the song, but the reason I can't get it out of my head... Bonus! (Oh, Dean. How will we get you back??)

I love Missy Higgins. I also desperately envy ladies who can rock the short hair, because I definitely cannot. Ask anyone who knew me in junior high.

I've seen this video all over the place recently. I remember swooning over it back when I lived in England. Because is there anyone hotter than Alan Rickman? You know there is not. Even in a gas station. (That would be one way to make the blow of higher gas prices easier to tolerate, I imagine...)

Is it a better book...or a movie? by Kim

2008-07-10T17:23:00.000-07:00

So, in the absence of adequate childcare, I remain Netflixated. Last night was the sperm donor's weekly circus class, which, translated, is Kim's-Evening-To-Watch-Chick-Flicks-Uninterrupted-By-Male-Contempt
-Whilst-Eating-Rogue-Cheese-Nuggets.

The selection? P.S. I Love You, with Hilary Swank and various Irish or faux Irish hunks.

I will confess that I have not yet read the book. My understanding is that the book was written by the Irish Prime Minister's daughter (no, she's not connected or anything). That sort of makes me not want to read it, which I know is shallow, but there you are.

(Sort-of-spoiler alert.)

After the 36th flashback scene in which a tearful Hilary conjured remarkably real memories of her dead -- yet still hunky -- Irish husband in extreme close-up, I got to wondering if there has EVER been a case of a modern chick lit or women's commercial fiction that has been made into a film superior to the book. Anyone? Ever?

What makes a movie better than the book?

A few other (quite possibly shallow) observations:

Did Gina Gershon get plastic surgery? She does not look like the gal who romanced Jennifer Tilly in the white wife-beater. No. She does not look edgy and full-lipped. She looks like a refugee from The Real Housewives of New York.
Are ALL Irish guys hot, or do I just have a fatal weakness for them? (There's backstory here, perhaps better saved for another post. You know, the one called Irish Guys Who Lured You In With Their Charming Wordsmithery, Big Packages and Unblemished Complexions, Then Fucked You Over By Breaking Your Heart and Taking Up With a Slutty Continental European Much Thinner Than You.)
Lisa Kudrow is fantastic.
Harry Connick Jr. has jowls and from certain angles looks sort of mentally challenged, but he is still hotter than 9 out of 10 real actors. How to explain?
Jeffrey Dean Morgan (AKA, Denny from Grey's Anatomy) needs to work out a little more. I mean, come on. He didn't even bother to suck it in.
You could bounce a penny off Hilary's abs.

Ack.

A Song For Thursday Evening by Megan

2008-07-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

If I was 19 (like this guy--which I find kind of astounding) I think I would be a Robert Francis groupie. To an embarrassing degree. Because there's nothing I like more than depressing songs about love gone wrong-- bring on the angst, I say!

Set Fire to the Third Bar by Megan

2008-07-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

I had no idea there was a video for this song. I love this song-- it's one of the few songs that I find I cannot overplay. There's always something new in the delicate, haunting duet. It's best listened to in the dark, alone, while missing someone:

Hope everyone's having a lazy, happy holiday weekend!

Summer of sangria by lauren

2008-07-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

Summer isn't the same when you're an adult.

Every year at this time, I start longing for the summer to which I still feel entitled. A summer of catching crawdaddies in the muddy creek down the street with my sister and next-door neighbor, of boogie-boarding at the beach for eight hours and going home sunburned and happy. A summer including six parent-free weeks at Montecito-Sequoia Camp for Girls learning to stand up on the back of a cantering horse (no hands! no helmet!) and to shoot at a target with a rifle.

It's all different now. The creek by my childhood home in San Diego's backcountry was paved over years ago, when the tract houses went in. The sun is now bad for you. My old camp has not only turned into a family camp (the horror!) but offers yoga classes. And I'm betting there's neither gun-shooting nor horse-standing.

This year, though, I've decided it's time to stop moping and start a new summer tradition. And for whatever reason, I've decided that tradition is going to be...sangria. Because, really, who doesn't love wine punch with a kick? And what better time to drink it than summer?

The plan is to try a new sangria recipe every couple of weekends. For my first foray I am whipping up a big batch of these. In honor of July Fourth I will toast the one good thing about being an adult at this time of year: The freedom to enjoy a good cocktail.

I'll report back with the results. Meanwhile, if anyone has a good sangria recipe, do pass it along and I'll do my best to try it out over the summer.

Happy Independence Day!

Independence

2008-07-02T23:46:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about what independence and freedom mean. I wrote a post over at Lee Hyatt's great blog, Tote Bags 'n' Blogs, trying to make heads or tails of body image issues and why we all seem to hate ourselves so much. How our lives got hijacked by the almost obsessive need to waste away down to nothing.

The concept of Independence makes me think of a sort of rebellion in order to free oneself from some kind of cruel overseer. While this could also apply to the impossible standards we hold for ourselves - I started thinking about being a woman and what that means.

I was watching my new obsession - Surviving History. The format of the show is kind of like Mythbusters: a team of people work together to build devices from the past and essentially try to figure out how certain things work. It's incredible. It's haunting to see all the ways people have tortured each other over the years. Brazen Bull anyone?

Enter: The Branks.

In England and Wales, the lawmakers of the time decided that women (and only women) should be tried for "mouthing off" under the Common Scold law. A law, by the way, that was only taken off the books in 1967. 1.9.6.7.

If a woman was convicted of Common Scold she could be put in a Ducking Chair or she could be outfitted with The Branks or the Scold's Bridle - an iron mask that was designed to humiliate her. Ass' ears, a piece of wood that would be locked into her mouth (making speech impossible and having the lovely addition of causing the woman to drool on herself), a bell that would announce the woman's arrival and sometimes a chain by which the husband (usually the nominator of the Common Scold arrest) could prance the woman about town.

Watching the episode - I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. And I thought...well, I thought a couple of things - couple thousand really. How far we'd come, how much has changed and all that....but then, this haunting realization about how little things have changed kind of bubbled up in my now sick stomach. How, as women, we're taught to be "nice" and hold our tongues and while there's no Branks to be clipped on our heads - it's certainly metaphorically something that people probably wish they could still do.

How many times have I clipped a Branks onto my own head? More than once is too many.

Independence. Something worth fighting for, indeed.

or another battle cry:

Precious Things - Tori Amos

Or another?

Freedom '90 - George Michael

Jersey Girl by Megan

2008-07-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

I think this qualifies as both my older crush AND essential summer music:

Monday Music and Older Gentleman Crushes by Liza

2008-06-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

Quite a combination, right? Well, it was brought on by this week's serendipitous television viewing (not counting the back to back showings of The Matchmaker - which is a lovely weekend surprise).

I watched Coal Miner's Daughter again - which I remember watching a long time ago...I love Loretta Lynn and the music from the movie is out of this world. What I didn't put together is that Levon Helm - the drummer from The Band (he sang The Weight and The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down) - plays Loretta's father and that Tommy Lee Jones was even more adorable back in the day.

The Weight - The Band

(it starts a bit loudly, but cuts down right away. That's Rick Danko on bass - the "subject" of Rascal Page's novel in Seeing Me Naked - Danko starts singing at about 2.50ish...the 'crazy chester' line...obviously I have yet another unhealthy obsession with The Band)

I have a bit of a crush on Tommy Lee Jones - it may be from The Fugitive...the whole jeans, shirt/tie, overcoat hotness thing. The authoritative twang. Obviously I wasn't alone - as he received the Oscar that year for the performance.

Am I the only one with inappropriate crushes on slightly older gentlemen? Scott Glenn? From Silverado and Backdraft? Clint Eastwood? In...well...anything - Unforgiven (one of my all time favorites?) Is it a weird cowboy thing I might have...now that I put them all in a line like that. Eesh.

Please...join me in my crushes of older gentlemen. Any others?!?!

**And here's a great song I heard on So You Think You Can Dance (go Joshua!!)...it was during the audition process, but usually they choose some pretty solid music choices for the show...and then the really cool thing is that people then make iTunes iMixes with all the compiled music....so...awesome, right?

Where I Stood - Missy Higgins

(this is a crushingly good love song...lost love, really.)

Monday Music and Remembering George Carlin (by Liza)

2008-06-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

I'm percolating about Book Four and I think I have a pretty solid playlist for it. I know it's solid because there are times when I can't listen to it - have to get away from the constant 'what-if' game that this stage of writing turns into.

It doesn't work, mind you - once one dips into a book and decides to explore those characters, you're pretty much in it until that last copy edit. Which is nice. If nice now means, rip your brain out and take an Excedrin pm just to get some peace.

Two songs have been driving me these days... on dog walks, driving in the car, just sitting and rocking back and forth in the corner (as I do). They seem to connect in some abstract way to what I'm trying to say with Book Four. I don't know what that is, mind you...but, I think these songs do - oddly.

Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson

(the sweetness of this song...the honesty of it hit me right between the eyes.)

Digging in the Dirt - Peter Gabriel

(the swell of music at 1.34 - the chorus - makes me leave this world for a little bit...just float above it all. The juxtaposition of the driving music, the wrenching lyrics and this hopeful swell is what good music is all about - Peter Gabriel is a genius and the US album is by far one of his best...if not his best)

Have a great week...and run out and get the new Alanis album. It's bananas. Pretty much anthem material...

I have to add a little mention here of the great George Carlin who passed away last night of a heart attack right here in Santa Monica. I...Carlin was always this staple in my house - we had a very liberal home growing up and he was this ridiculously funny guide through understanding and learning to laugh at current events.

I remember when I was in high school I was painfully geeky and I thought I should branch out a little bit and throw a party. I then decided the best way to solidify lifelong friends was to throw on a George Carlin stand-up video and just watch the love unfold. Needless to say, I was left watching the video pretty much on my own as the crowd meandered out into the non-Carlin night. I felt more than a little foolish that night, but I've realized (as we always do) that Carlin is this litmus test for someone's intellect and ability to laugh at the ridiculous events in life.

He will be missed.

Jezebel has a great video up and a nice couple of paragraphs...ugh, I can't even say obit. Tim Russert now Carlin? What's going on?!?!?

Top Chef Reunion...ish. by Liza

2008-06-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

(yes, I'm buttering you up with this picture of Clive Owen. Is it working?)

I couldn't do it.

I actually forgot about it, until I came home to find the Reunion Episode just waiting for me on my Tivo. And I started watching it and...then I thought.

No.

I can't listen to another ridiculous excuse or look at another fedora. The only reason I crawled through the muck of this season was to 1) see Stephanie win 2) watch Dale be...well, Dale. I did both of those things and now I'm finally on the other side with the lovely knowledge that good prevails and that Dale can actually get more adorable with the help of little glasses.

But, I will leave you with these things which will surely bring smiles to your faces.

I never tire of these opening credits. Love Actually was on the teevee the other night and these damn opening credits always make me weepy. Like...embarrassingly weepy. So instead of reading/watching Lisa opine about how she was wronged. Instead of listening to Andrew try and convince Lisa she's a heartless ne-er do well. Instead of watching Spike be...well, Spike. Let's watch this instead.

Enjoy.

I also watched the AFI Top 10 of 10 thing the other night and loved it - I could argue several choices (Snow White? The Searchers? I'm a Wild Bunch/Unforgiven fan myself - but yes to The Godfather and way yes to To Kill a Mockingbird) I've been on a classic movie kick for a bit now, mostly concentrating on the epic stuff, specifically Sam Peckinpah and HBO sports movies (Mantle and Back Nine at Cherry Hills are ridiculously good - not to mention the David McCullough documentary and the entire John Adams series). So, I loved being reminded of all of these great movies.

This is one of my favorite openings to any movie. Definitely Desert Island material. Obviously it's R Rated - language and violence. But, the line at 2.03 gives me tingles every time. So. Good. This was one of the first movies I saw where I finally understood what a good movie was, as opposed to something that, well...wasn't.

Still mad? No reunion update?

What about now?

(and is anyone else watching So You Think You Can Dance??!! And yes, all of this teevee watching means I'm on deadline...which means, my brain is oozing out of my ears and I'm desperate to 1) procrastinate 2) lose myself for little thirty minute chunks of time)

Top Chef Finale!!!

2008-06-11T22:34:00.001-07:00

• IT’S THE FINALE and I’m LiveBlogging!!
• I’ve been LiveBlogging all along, mind you…hence why I said that Antonia would make it to the finals, only to sickeningly come to the conclusion that no…no she would not.
• I’m still enraged.
• Ugh…the clip of that last little snipe by Lisa is ridiculous. “It’s not a popularity contest..” she opines. And yet…you want your fellow chefs to congratulate you..how…how does that theory stand up then?
• OKAY – moving on. GOOD PREVAILS.
• FINALE
• The three remaining chefs are sitting around having beverages and talking about their big plan…Ugh. Whatever.
CHALLENGE BEGINS

WAITING FOR THE CHEFS ARE:
• April Bloomfield of The Spotted Pig
• Dan Barber of Blue Hill
• Eric Ripart of Le Bernadin
• Create four course meal: fish, poultry, red meat and dessert
• Lisa opines about how she doesn’t want to do dessert and then says she doesn’t memorize cake recipes nor does she like cake. What’s with the cake? I imagine there are thousands of pastry chefs out there who are spitting mad…the fact that Lisa can’t possibly fathom another dessert besides CAKE is ridiculous. What a condescending shrew.
• Each Famous Chef will be a Sous Chef
• Each Famous Chef has a basket o’Protein in front of them.
• Stephanie chooses Eric Ripart
• Richard chooses Dan Barber
• Lisa chooses April Bloomfield
• They have to feed nine diners for a black tie affair

PREP
• They have three hours to prep.
• Lisa’s doing Asian
• Richard’s doing “his journey.”
• Stephanie’s doing simple – (love her)
• There’s an awkward and fragile communication between these Zeussian chefs and the Top Chefs….
• Richard’s One Item from Home is Liquid Nitrogen. Le sigh.
• All the Zeussian Chefs look at Richard and his liquid nitrogen – and…oh, poor dear.
• Lisa says that if she’s stressed her food is shitty…so THAT’S the reason.
• The Chefs finish and head out before the last day of the competition.

FINAL CHALLENGE

• Four hours until service
• No sous chefs are there
• Tom strolls in…with a curve ball…
• The Chefs are on their own…so, they’ll “live and die by their own hand.”
• The Chefs get to work…
• Lisa – grilled prawns, dumplings, beef and then black tie rice pudding
• Richard – scallops, guinea hen, pork belly, banana scallop/bacon ice cream
• Stephanie – red snapper, quail with lobster ravioli, lamb, and ricotta poundcake
• Richard is now using his liquid nitrogen just for the…bacon ice cream. BACON?
• Tom strolls in…Richard is frazzled and Tom is not having it. Stephanie is frazzled, too…and concerned about her dessert which she’s made once before. Lisa is relaxed and says she’s not worried about anything.
• Stephanie is worried and Lisa is actually really supportive…what?
• Lisa says that Stephanie’s downfall is Stephanie…which is true. Confidence is a huge issue with her.
• Richard says that he’s a craftsman…sniff.
• Lisa is overly confident…which is actually good in this case.
• Stephanie is just worried and hopeful.

SERVICE

• The three “sous” chefs are now at the table.
• Alfredo Ayala and Tim Zagat are also at the table
• Gayle, Ted Allen, Tom and Padma are also there.
• FIRST COURSE
• Richard’s scallop – Dan is SNIFF. Zagat thinks he needs to simplify
• Lisa’s prawn – April says it’s nice and spicy, Ayala thinks it’s too stron.
• Stephanie’s snapper – Ted says it’s elegant, Eric says its delicate, Ayala says it’s the best. Tom says it’s good…almost really good.
• SECOND COURSE
• Richard’s egg/hen thing – Eric says it’s mushy and Tom says this is all Richard “falling in love with technique.”
• Lisa’s soup – Gayle loves it. April says it’s lively. Zagat says he would have had seconds.
• Stephanie’s quail – Eric likes it, Ted wants more lobster essence, Ayala loves it. Tom says her leeks are driving him crazy. Gayle agrees.
• THIRD COURSE
• Richard’s pork belly – Eric says it’s not seasoned, Dan says it’s not crispy enough, Ayala says it’s underseasoned.
• Lisa’s beef- April says it’s nice, but not tender, Dan says it’s too sweet.
• Stephanie’s lamb – Eric says it’s good, Ted likes it, April likes the pistachio/olive was good. Gayle loves the combo…Eric points out that it’s the first time everyone uses the word, “love.”
• Tom rounds up: Richard’s needs work, Lisa’s is pedestrian and Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
• DESSERT
• Richard’s banana scallop and bacon ice cream – Dan liked it, said the playfulness works here, Eric says to focus on the flavors and then get weird.
• Lisa has a “chip issue.”
• Lisa’s dessert goes over well – April is feh about it.
• Stephanie’s dessert doesn’t go over very well…
• THEY ARE OFFICIALLY DONE.
• Padma thanks the chefs and says she’ll be seeing them at Judge’s Table

JUDGE’S TABLE

• I’m nervous…I swear to…all that is green if fucking Lisa wins…ugh.
• Padma says it was delicious, Gayle says it was fun, Tom says the company was great…great chefs.
• Richard – says it went okay in the kitchen, and wonders how it went.
• The scallops – felt that it lacked seasoning…Richard’s okay with it.
• Lisa’s prawns – that chile sauce – Tom says it was very assertive, was it a mistake or what? Lisa says she’s a spicy person. Ugh. Ted says he likes the chips.
• Stephanie – wanted to something springy…Gayle says it was beautiful and cooked perfectly. The Judges all agree.
• Richard’s egg/hen thing was muddled – via Gayle
• Lisa’s soup – it’s her ‘chicken noodle soup’. Ted says it was awesome.
• Stephanie’s quail/lobster – Tom asks about the leeks…what? Not cooked…Stephanie looks horrified.
• Richard’s pork belly – Ted asks if he considered searing it a bit more? Richard says nope…not worth it.
• Lisa’s beef – just barely seared. Tom says it was chewy. Gayle says the sauce was too sweet.
• Stephanie’s lamb was perfect – Ted says it was brilliant. The pistachio was really good.
• Richard’s dessert – banana for breakfast everyday, the bacon thing...Padma says…uh, yeah…the dessert is a re-tread.
• Lisa’s rice pudding – Padma loved it.
• Stephanie’s dessert – She looks so nervous…Tom is feh about it. “a miss.”
• ANY LAST WORDS?
• Stephanie – she says Dale said not to second guess herself – she won’t do it again.
• Lisa – begins talking about herself in the third person.
• Richard says he choked. He says he over-thought it…oh, yikes.
• Tom looks…uh, what?
• The Judges are shocked…Tom says he agrees that he choked.
• They go course by course and it seems to be just between Lisa and Stephanie…
• Stephanie’s lamb dish is still a huge hit…
• I have this sneaking…ugh…I can’t even say it. COULD LISA WIN?!?!?
• The Bravo.TV poll puts Stephanie on top with 60%. Come. On.
• Tom rounds up the evening…
• Richard – playful, whimsical and he gets joy out of it.
• Lisa – big, bold and it’s all about you.
• Stephanie – surprises and wows us.
• THE WINNER – STEPHANIE
• HELLLLLLL YEAH!!!!
• Her little face gets all red…OH MY GOD!!!! SO COOL!!!!
• Lisa’s crying. Sniff.
• Richard’s crying, too. I kinda feel bad…and he’s talking with Dale at the little after-party. I'm quickly distracted from Richard's tear-filled confessional by Dale – who looks adorable. Little vest, glasses and a pink tie? I LOVE ME SOME DALE.
• Stephanie…first female. I LOVE IT.
• Stephanie’s crying…and now I’m crying.
• GOOD PREVAILS.

That's. Awesome.

Sex and the Pity by Lauren

2008-06-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

All right. I, who haven't seen a movie in a theater since American Beauty, went to see it. You know, IT. The movie every American woman and gay man, as well as a rumored 27 straight men, has now seen.

Now may we discuss?

I liked it, well enough. This is risky for a New Yorker to admit, as we all got the memo from the New York City Dept. of Sophistication that we were supposed to hate it. But I did enjoy seeing these vivid characters again and finding out what had happened to them. Except for a certain appalling moment of scatological humor (side discussion: isn't "scatological humor" an oxymoron?), nothing about the movie was particularly bad.

So why did I leave the theater depressed?

There was something dismal about the movie and I'm hoping some of you might help me figure out what. This is what I have concluded so far:

1. Yes, people get older. And the SATC stars are extremely attractive no matter what their age. But, seriously, could those poor women have been lit any worse? In so many scenes, it was as if the director had deliberately worked to make them look haggard, especially Cynthia Nixon (Exhibit A: The photo above). We know it didn't have to be that way, for in a number of other scenes she looked spectacular. Come on, lighting guys, give us ladies a break.

2. And speaking of age, did anyone notice that Carrie kept being described as 40, when anyone who watched the show would know that the character is, in fact, 42? Also speaking of age, wouldn't Carrie, at (ahem) 42, have the wisdom enough to know that Mr. Big wasn't getting cold feet about the marriage, just about the wedding?

3. Clothes, shoes, Fifth-Avenue apartments and Louis Vuitton handbags as the cure for what ails us all. It's been noted elsewhere already, but to promote this kind of insane materialism (which seemed to me far worse in the movie than it ever was on the show) during a time when people's homes are being foreclosed on and unemployment is rising...way to get overspent Americans back on track.

Your turn to weigh in. Did the movie depress anyone else out there, or do I just need to have pink cocktail and get over it?

Top Chef Thirteen and the creepy hatred of the women of Sex and the City (by Liza)

2008-06-05T01:37:00.000-07:00

• I realize that going into this I actually believe that a woman will win…looking at the chefs…Antonia and Stephanie are the best. Hands down.

• Down to four chefs: Lisa, Richard, Antonia and Stephanie…and it’s in that order that I want them to pack their knives.
• All the chefs arrive to Puerto Rico – do they all look tired?
• Lisa arrives last. All of her hair is cut off. Sniff.

QUICKFIRE
• Guest Judge – Wilo Benet: Super Famous Puerto Rican Chef
• Make some frituras for Wilo
• Plantains are to be used.
• Ugh – the first time Lisa speaks I want to stab her in the neck
• Stephanie’s up first: pork/shrimp fritter
• Antonia’s up next – oysters
• Lisa – Tostones (my absolute favorite ever...with avocado?!?!?) Chutney slaw?
• Richard – (is he wearing clam diggers?)…albondigas – he pronounces it crazy. AlbonDIgas…not AlBONdigas…he serves the plantain raw. Uh?
• Wilo’s Bottom: Antonia and Richard
• Wilo’s Top - Stephanie (tostones, too) and Lisa
• Winner – Stephanie (her first quickfire win!)
• She gets an advantage of some kind…
• Wilo invites the chefs to a party in Old San Juan – with food and music
• Richard is weird and nerdy at the party…poor dear. Everyone gets that the party is a time killer, just loosen up.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
• The chefs gather at the Governor’s Mansion
• Garden party with 100 guests..
• In Puerto Rico is just not a party without a pig…
• And then Tom unleashes a whole pig and says each chef gets one.
• They get “help”- Dale, Spike, Nikki (why can’t I get rid of her?!?!), Andrew
• Lisa begins to opine about who she can and can’t work with…it takes years…it soon becomes obvious that it’s actually SHE that’s had the problem with everyone. (as we all know)
• Stephanie gets to assign the sous chefs.
• Stephanie chooses Dale (yay!), Richard gets Spike, Antonia gets Nikki and Lisa gets Andrew…the look on his face…he would rather be engulfed in flames.
• Has Lisa gotten more arrogant?! Is it like a weird inflated head thing?
• The whole pigs are haunting…
• Andrew is freaking adorable…his little face while listening to Lisa go through her menu…he’s like a muppet.
• The sous chefs go to the farmer’s market…Nikki begins complaining. As you do.
• Is Dale now a rapper? Like in 1989?
• The chefs begin to butcher the pig.
• Haunting.
• Everyone is hammering away except Antonia who is just elegantly cutting…cutting.
• Richard has this green tape and he’s completely OCD about it.
• It’s interesting to watch Lisa in the kitchen – she’s the only one losing her shit…just fussing about, cursing. Ugh.
• Why is she still here?!?!?
• The day ends and they should all be set up…camera falls on someone’s pork just chilling out of the fridge.
• Ugh.

SERVICE
• Dale comes back and sees the pork left out..Stephanie is pissed and her little face is just all tight.
• Dale feels horrible…but they immediately begin to problem solve.
• No blaming. I love her.
• Spike and Richard are really good together. Spike respects Richard, so he just falls in line. It’s working with those two.
• Once again, rice is apparently ridiculously hard to cook.
• Nikki opines that Antonia is off. Sniff.
• Stephanie is panicking about a third dish….Dale comes up with a chicharronne (pork rind) salad thing. Awesome.
• The teaser shows Stephanie doing a Bellini. Didn’t she learn?!?!? That got Valerie sent home?!?!?
• The guests arrive…First Lady is there…
• Padma’s dress is awesome…beautiful Grecian light blue dress.
• Stephanie is up first: pork satay, coconut braised pork, black plantain pancake, chicaronnes fruit salad.
• Richard is up next: ham and local beans, pressure cooked pork belly and pork ribs, pork with coffee and mango…he’s talking too much. Too much flight instructions…the food should speak for itself.
• Lisa is up: citrus braised pork belly with plantain mash, tostone with black bean puree and pork filled yucca rellena with pineapple mojo.
• Antonia is last: honey pork belly with pickled pepper salad, curried pork with pumpkin and yucca and pigeon peas with pork sausage and ham hock.
• Antonia does seem off…like not as shiny a penny, or something.
• The Malta that Richard used goes over well.
• The crowd likes all of the dishes…

JUDGE’S TABLE
• Padma gets Richard and Stephanie
• They’re the favorites!!!
• Richard says he thought it was a great challenge
• Tom says he thought Richard had started self-edited and got simpler…better.
• Stephanie says she loved working with Dale (aw)
• Wilo says he loved the satay
• WINNER – RICHARD
• He wins a car?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me?
• A Toyota Corolla
• He’s literally stunned. Adorable.
• Antonia and Lisa go in.
• I swear to all that is green…if fucking Antonia goes home…I. Will. Explode.
• The Lisa face…ugh.
• Padma asks if Lisa is surprised if she’s there…she meanders about how everyone’s dishes are good…she’s good…sniff.
• Tom asks why Lisa didn’t bend the challenge to her strengths.
• Gayle says the puree was really sweet and that they focused more on the garnishes than the pig.
• Wilo asks about the tostones – how long before people arrived did they come out of the fryer…she goes on and Wilo says…yeah, it didn’t work.
• Antonia is up – she says her pigeon peas were bad…but then she kinda goes a little weird about it – says she likes them a little al dente.
• Antonia is the only one who put all three dishes on the same plate…more homey…she gets called on it.
• Gayle says the flavors got all mucked up together.
• Lisa says she’s going home…not that she did a horrible job. What? That’s a direct quote. She can’t ever take the credit for anything. Unbelievable.
• Lisa’s pissed and Antonia’s worried. That is them in a nutshell.
• The texting poll thingie from Bravo.com asked who people thought should go home. 91% said Lisa. Uh-huh.
• Is Lisa a sailor on the Black Pearl? The outfit she’s wearing makes me want to swab the deck.
• Tom says Antonia messed up by putting the dishes on the same plate and the peas. Lisa – just was feh.
• PACK YOUR KNIVES – ANTONIA
• I. Just. Exploded.
• No fucking way. It’s just ridiculous at this point. Ridiculous.
• Antonia’s crying…just saying she doesn’t want to go home. Ugh.
• Hugs all around…she’s classy and everyone’s pissed and quiet.
• After Antonia leaves, Lisa says, “A Congratulations would have been nice.”
• It’s such a surreal moment. Stephanie and Richard look stunned. Stunned.
• Stephanie says, “Sorry. Congratulations.”
• And because Lisa is so used to Dale and his temper, she’s totally not ready for the quiet dignity of Richard and Stephanie and just meanders away…like…what?
• They’re blind-sided and it’s such a disgusting moment for Lisa.
• Richard says it best…you won the bronze medal? Congratulations?
• It was such a moment where she knew the wrong chef went home…felt embarrassed and ridiculous and just absolutely channeled that energy onto the two nicest (first and second place) chefs who were exhausted, blown away and happened to be in the line of fire.
• It’s fascinating to watch someone implode like that. I mean, when has it ever been about the person who almost got sent home? Isn’t every time someone is sent home about seeing that person off? Now all of the sudden it’s not? I’m blown away – because I think she really thinks that she was wronged in some way and has no idea why she’s being cast out.
• If there was a rebellion when Dale was sent home, I intend to see a mob of pitchforks nearing the Bravo studios any minute now.
• I’ve cared less and less about this as the weeks have gone on…and it’s because it’s not about cooking anymore. It’s about this disgusting cancer of a person who just shits all over anyone and anything without consequence. And we have to deal with that in real life, right? Why would I sign up for that in my entertainment choices?
• Why, indeed.
• (because Stephanie is going to win, that’s why…good prevails…good prevails)

***

I've also been following this whole hurricane of reviews surrounding Sex and the City -a movie I've seen, but don't follow like a religion.

I became interested because I have watched as my own literary colleagues are patted on the head and told to shush simply because they're women and unfortunately write about heroes that happen to also be women. There's this really scary level of hatred that seeps out of reviews and blog posts and conversations about books written by women about women that are deemed "escapism" at best, "frilly" and "cute" at medium and "stupid" and "uninformed" at worst...not even at worst, who are we kidding? And the sad, sad fact that most of these bullies are other women just makes me sick to my stomach.

But now...the four leads of Sex and the City are seen on the cover of Time Out New York with duct tape over the mouths because they argued there was too much hype surrounding the movie. I couldn't help but compare the welcoming arms that Harrison Ford received when he did PR for Indy. No duct tape needed, apparently.

There's a great round-up over at Jezebel, including a link to the Newsweek article that was written in response to the overt anger that the movie triggered in male reviewers in particular.

Good prevails, right? Good prevails?

Sigh.

Top Chef Twelve by Liza

2008-05-28T20:08:00.000-07:00

I can’t even watch the last episode before the new one starts. I’m still torn up about Dale, for crissakes. Ugh…

• Five chefs left. And one of them is freaking Lisa. Stephanie says there might be three girls in the finale….sniff.
• Last round of competition before the finale

QUICKFIRE
• The chefs go to Allen Brothers – it’s a butcher’s
• An American raised long rib eye, dry aged…something something, something. Big honking piece of meat.
• Cut individual chops, making sure the bone is in front in twenty minutes
• Spike is hurling through it (butchering is in his family…insert butchering joke here) He’s not bitching and moaning. Man…I’m warming. It’s really something I need to go to therapy for.
• Then Spike says, “Rocked it” to Stephanie. I’m wondering - Is it an insecure thing? Is it me trying to make him more human by thinking that?
• The chefs take their chops and head back to the Top Chef kitchen.
• Guest Judge Rick Tramanto: James Beard Award winner – specializes in New American food.
• Thirty minutes to prepare tomahawk chop for Rick
• He likes it Medium Rare
• Rick’s lowest:
• Stephanie – butchering was bad and cook was under
• Richard – inconsistent butchering, under cooked
• Rick’s highest:
• Lisa – cooked well and butchery was good.
• Spike – butchering was “amazing” and the medium rare was good.
• Antonia – crust was perfect.
• WINNER – SPIKE
• I’ll give him this…he really shined in this one. Yes, I vomited in my mouth a little.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
• The five chefs are going to take over his new restaurant for one night
• Each chef is responsible for one appie and one entrée
• Spike chooses the protein he wants because he won the Quickfire – Spike isn’t good at making choices like this.
• Spike gives Stephanie the respect saying that she’s the top gun, he wants Antonia gone…which makes sense.
• Chefs walk into Tramanto’s restaurant and it’s beautiful.
• Spike chooses protein – chooses Tomahawk (same from before) and scallops – they’re frozen and this sends a shudder through the restaurant.
• Three hours to create a menu
• Lisa bitches about the fire being too hot – Antonia is cool and calm and doesn’t feed into it…and Lisa backs down.
• Spike’s scallops are shit and he finally sees that…he does this whole drying process to fix them
• Tom comes by - (h.o.t.)
• Tom is the “Expediter” for tonight’s service – which means he’s the boss of sending dishes out.
• Richard is very human in his little confessional – talking about his wife, failing at a lot of things and not wanting to fail at this. Aww, bless his little faux-hawked heart.
• Little teaser for the service? THE THREE PAST WINNERS ARE BACK.
• Which means????
• HAROLD.

SERVICE

• And Ilan (whom I loathe) and Hung (whom I don’t even know really…after the Tre incident)
• The Judges get a tasting menu of all the dishes.
• APPIES:
• Lisa – grilled, chilled prawns with a salad
• Judges – the lemon does well, why chill the shrimp
• Richard – Hamachi with sweetbreads
• Judges –Tramanto loves it, Ilan likes it.
• Spike - scallop with hearts of palm, oyster mushrooms
• Judges – Tramanto is picking it - feh, Hung likes the mushrooms
• Stephanie – Crisp veal sweetbreads, with raisins/pignoli
• Judges – Harold likes it – wants pine nuts toasted, Hung likes the tartness, Gayle says Stephanie’s dish is exactly what Spike’s dish was missing.
• Antonia – Mushroom, artichoke salad with egg…
• Judges – Gayle thinks it wasn’t strong, egg good, Tramanto not good, Harold “hit and miss”
• Richard gets weird about Tom saying that he’s slow.
• ENTREE
• Richard – beef filet with potato puree in a deconstructed presentation
• Harold says put it together and it’s good…Padma says – then put it together
• Lisa – new york strip with peanut butter mashed potatoes
• Judges - Tramanto likes it, Ilan doesn’t like the seasoning, Gayle – ick.
• Spike’s entrée – tomahawk with sweet potato puree
• Judges – meat good…should have kept it by itself. Puree too sweet. Tramanto – it was okay.
• Stephanie – beef tenderloin with…
• Judges – THEY LOVE IT.
• Antonia’s – Rib eye with fennel, potato gratin
• Judges – Ilan says the fattiness of the meat is good – all rich. Tramanto likes it the best…it’s the most rounded.

JUDGES TABLE

• Lisa’s toast enrages me. She enrages me. If she had a kitten it would enrage me.
• Padma calls all the chefs into the Judge’s Table
• Richard – appie goes over well, entrée has problems – meat undercooked.
• Stephanie – never shows that she’s under pressure, she does really well
• IS TOM WEARING A TURTLENECK?
• Lisa – Gayle likes the lemon – wanted the shrimp warm, not chilled – Tramanto ‘struggled with it.” Entrée – everyone wanted to hate it, but it was okay. Tom says his steak wasn’t cooked evenly.
• Antonia – Tramanto – egg cooked perfectly, gratin was fabulous…steakhouse food.
• Spike – Tomahawk was done well…scallops frozen? Choose something else…Tramanto says it’s about choices – vendor brings something like that in, Spike says – well, they were in your cooler. Tramanto says, “well you used them.” REALLY? You’re going to fuck with Tramanto? Spike shakes his hand
• And afterwards Spike is freaking out…finally – a moment of humanity. He’s all…why did I say that??!?! FINALLY.
• Tramanto – Stephanie was tops. Gayle agrees.
• Richard – Gayle says his appie was the single best dish of the night.
• Antonia – Gratin was amazing, steak dish was good. Gayle says she’s insightful, true.
• Spike – both courses. Talks about simplicity, but doesn’t do it. Tramanto says he loves Spike’s spunk. Echem
• Lisa – Tom is feh with her. Padma tries to defend her, and Tom’s not having it.
• It’s between Spike and Lisa.
• Tramanto announces the winner – STEPHANIE
• Stephanie goes through – Tramanto gives her his cook book, and a shitload of appliances.
• Richard goes through
• Antonia goes through
• I totally agree with these three. Good job, judges.
• Tom points out that both of them shouldn’t be surprised that they’re in the bottom two.
• Lisa- not ferocious, ugh – her face is bananas
• Spike – bad choices, simple flavors? Everything has to be perfect.
• PACK YOUR KNIVES – SPIKE
• This is the one time…ONE TIME where I was voting for him.
• He’s gracious and lovely…ugh.
• I’M ENRAGED!!!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?
• Spike’s little confessional has little glimmers of humanity mixed with that weird arrogant stupidity.
• He goes out with a weird, “no one puts baby in the corner’ kind of sentiment.
• I just can’t wait for Lisa to be completely outgunned in Puerto Rico.
• Lisa’s hair?!?!?!?!? In the final episodes?!?!
• And does someone cut the shit out of themselves?!?!?

Sex and the City: The Movie

2008-05-28T06:04:00.001-07:00

Okay, I'll keep this short . . . and don't worry -- no spoilers!

I saw the Sex and the City movie last night at a screening in Atlanta (Thanks skirt! magazine and 360 Media!!), and it was AMAZING. And by amazing, I mean that my friend Amy and I couldn't fall asleep last night because we couldn't stop talking about it and rehashing it scene by scene.

I'm a huge fan of the series (I've probably seen each episode a dozen times), so I was terrified that the film wouldn't live up to my high expectations. But it not only lived up to them; it exceeded them. The acting, of course, was phenomenal, as were all the amazing clothes and shoes. But it was the story itself that blew me away. It was so, so well-written, and it stayed true to the personalities of all of the characters. I have plans to see it again with my friends Kristen, Amber and Megan on Friday night in Pittsburgh, and I honestly can't wait.

To all of you who are planning to see the movie this weekend . . . ENJOY. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll walk away feeling like you've had an inspiring visit with an old friend.

Kristin and Amy Tangerine at the Atlanta premiere of the movie last night.

Top Chef Eleven by Liza

2008-05-21T22:59:00.000-07:00

• Tom shows up…early. Early.
• Dale in glasses is adorable.

QUICKFIRE

• Work the egg station on the line at a Lou Mitchell’s – an institution of diners
• The Owner introduces the chefs to The Hole…wait, that sounds nasty.
• First Up – Antonia – Two eggs over hard, two single over something something…she’s calm and the owner is all…yeah, whatevs.
• Stephanie – poached eggs. Pot is nasty. Stephanie is not good.
• Richard is weird and arrogant and can’t understand what people are asking of him.
• Lisa – sets shit on fire. I wonder if another chef came over and moved it. Prolly.
• Dale gets 5 waiters barking orders at one time…he’s doing okay.
• The Owner comes out and says: that they all did remarkable.
• Between Antonia and Dale
• WINNER – ANTONIA
• Tom’s not going to be at the next challenge – he gives them an address, gives Antonia an address to where Padma will tell them what the challenge is

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE

• Chefs led into an open space.
• RESTAURANT WARS
• Divide into two teams and divide this space in half.
• Ugh, the more Lisa talks the more I loathe her.
• Antonia gets to choose her team because she won: She chooses Stephanie and Richard. Good choices.
• So, that leaves – Spike, Dale and Lisa.
• The same teams as Wedding Wars, minus Andrew and Nikki.
• I totally miss Andrew.
• TEAM ANTONIA/WAREHOUSE KITCHEN: Gastro Pub
• Richard has a restaurant called “Blaise Up?” Jeez.
• TEAM DALE/MAI BUDDHA - Asian Fusion
• “Asian guy, Asian chef, Asian restaurant.” – Dale, after he wins the coin toss to be the executive chef
• Lisa keeps opining about how Dale “has pissed off a lot of people” – and I’m thinking…who are these legion of people? Uh, yeah…it’s just her.
• Spike is doing the front of the house for Team Dale
• Stephanie is doing the front of the house for Team Antonia
• For once, I totally feel for Spike – the look on his face when he watches Lisa and Dale squabbling about which side of the counter they want is priceless.
• BOURDAIN!!!!!
• Three letters: h.o.t.
• Bourdain says that Team Antonia is reaching for the mediocre and says that’s super safe. He says, Team Dale is shooting for the stars and that that could go really wrong, really fast. Two very different teams.
• Each team gets one additional pair of hands: The other contestants come back.
• Awwwwwwwkward.
• Dale picks Jen. Interesting.
• Awww, Andrew?!?!
• Antonia picks Nikki. I thought I was done with her?!?!?!?!
• Dale fucks up some avocado stuff and Lisa goes off on how he’s losing it and then cut to: Lisa yelling and screwing up. And I keep thinking – what is she talking about? Is she psychotic?!?!?
• Oh, god….the voice. Nikki’s voice. My ears.
• Lisa asks Spike and Dale to taste the soup and both of them are all…yeah…sucks. And for once, Lisa can’t say that it’s Dale, because Spike is disgusted as well.
• I’m shocked again by how delusional Lisa is…she’s “forced” to do a mango sticky rice and blames Dale for why it sucks. And he’s offering suggestion after suggestion about how to fix it and the whole time she’s bad mouthing him. I don’t understand. How is this not YOUR FAULT. She’s an Asian trained chef, right? So sticky rice is in her arsenal, right? So, how is it Dale’s fault? It must be amazing to walk around and not think anything is your fault. Ugh.

SERVICE
• Stephanie is adorable…great boots.
• Spike is all cleaned up…and doing well. Didn’t bitch and moan about having to set everything up. Am I warming? There’s no fedora this evening, kids. There’s hope for us all.
• Guest judges: Jose Andres of “Made in Spain” on PBS.
• Team Antonia – First Course: beet salad, goat cheese and linguine and clams
• Bourdain likes it, Chef Jose does well…Stephanie is freaking adorable.
• Second course: Trout or lamb squared (total richardism)
• Bourdain is loving it – the texture is good, impressed with the skin left on the trout
• Dessert – Gorgonzola cheesecake and banana scallops with ice cream
• Bourdain hates the smear – and Ted Allen points out that the decorative smear probably isn’t very good done in brown.
• They appreciate the effort…but…
• TEAM DALE
• Bourdain – the décor makes him feel like he’s in the back of Prince’s Van. Hilarious.
• First Course – Spicy coconut Laksa/dumplings
• The judges – Bourdain says its smoky – exactly what Dale and Spike told Lisa it was.
• Spike is now fucking with Lisa. I kind of love him right now. Dale calls him a “fucking idiot.” Hilarious. Good times.
• Second Course - butterscotch scallops
• Lisa and Jen break out champagne? She says that he’s not happy with her mistakes…so he’s a failure as a chef. WHAT THE?!?!?!?
• Dessert is a halo-halo and that shit mango sticky rice
• Bourdain says that it’s “baby vomit with wood chips.”
• Diners fill out comment cards
• I love that Bourdain is going to be on the panel tonight…he will give it to Lisa straight.
• Spike says that both Lisa and Dale kind of sucked…and he’s kind of right. Oh, man. WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?!?!

JUDGES TABLE

• Padma calls in TEAM ANTONIA
• They are the winning team!!
• Bourdain was really impressed with the performance
• WINNER – STEPHANIE!!!
• She gets to go on a culinary tour to round trip air fare to Barcelona. Awesome.
• They call in TEAM DALE
• This is going to be bad.
• Spike handled the front of the house – Bourdain asks who did the front? Spike’s all – all of us.
• Lisa and Dale finally agree on something – they both are shocked.
• Butterscotch Scallops? Dale. Too sweet…didn’t work.
• Bourdain: looked like a melted candy bar
• Laksa? Bourdain: face in the campfire to Lisa
• Ribs? Dale executed them, Spike’s recipe
• Sticky Rice? Lisa…appalling.
• Lisa blames Dale for picking the rice – they fight about it forever.
• Is Spike just dumb? I think…yes. I mean, like mentally not very strong.
• Dale and Lisa fight some more.
• They talk about how Spike is smart because he stayed out of the line of fire.
• Dale and those butterscotch scallops were bad.
• Lisa? Padma says that every dish she did, she’s done before…and still fucked them up.
• Bourdain breaks it down – he says, just look at her body language. Closed off, not inclined to take criticism from this table, from her co-chefs.
• Lisa talks shit to Spike in the waiting room, Dale calls her out. Man…this is ugly.
• Bourdain talks about stepping up.
• Dale goes down for leadership and those scallops.
• Lisa – smoky laksa, rice pudding was awful
• Spike – through guile or luck – a good day to be in the dining room.
• PACK YOUR KNIVES – DALE
• NO. FUCKING. WAY.
• Nooo, he’s totally welling up. Talking about disappointment…wiping his little eyes. Noooo.
• FUCKING LISA - Dale comes in second on the QuickFire and Lisa sets shit on fire and Dale's going home?
• It’s going to be interesting to see who she blames her next failure on.
• I’m pissed.
• First Andrew, now Dale?!?!?!
• That ain’t right.

Monday Music and Prince Caspian by Liza

2008-05-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

So - I rediscovered this song today and remembered how much I loved it...

St. Teresa - Joan Osborne
(what ever happened to her? I remember seeing her in Standing in the Shadows and she was amazing. This is a ridiculously good version of the song with Pavarotti..what? Yep...)

I also saw Prince Caspian this weekend with my nieces and really enjoyed it. It was one of those perfect summer movies: hot as blazes outside, air conditioning inside, crisp, cold water and some red vines. Oh...and Ben Barnes (pictured above) didn't hurt either. My niece was right: three letters....h.o.t. indeed.

There's also a great song in the end sequence of the movie by Regina Spektor that brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful...and perfect.

The Call - Regina Spektor
(so beautiful....so beautiful...)

Enjoy!

We're Gonna Party Like It's 1989....

2008-05-16T06:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning in a time warp.

It was 1989. I was 10 years old. And my favorite band was on TV.

Okay, so I'm fully aware that it's actually 2008, and I'm 29 -- not 10 (a quick check of my crow's feet in the mirror confirmed this). But for 25 minutes this morning, as I watched the New Kids on the Block make their comeback on the Today Show, it was like someone had simply stripped away the last 19 years (okay, the last 16 years . . . I admit that I loved them fully through 1992).

I had been moderately excited all week about seeing their comeback concert this morning, but I wasn't prepared for the tidal wave of nostalgia that hit me. I talked about this with my friend Reina, also a former diehard New Kids fan, and we decided that perhaps it's not so much about the band as it is about feeling like someone had handed out childhoods back to us. Seriously, I consider myself a pretty mature adult (well, 75 percent of the time, anyhow), but the old NKOTB butterflies were back in my stomach this morning as I sat three inches from the TV, clapping my hands together and drinking in every detail of the comeback show.

Let me just say right now . . . these guys are still HOT.

Alright, I know that all of you reading this who never succumbed to New Kids mania the first time around are probably giggling and thinking I'm insane. So let me just add a little fuel to the fire: I wasn't just a fan. I was OBSESSED.

Yep. There it is. The secret's out. I was the most devout of devout New Kids fans. I was the girl who who slept on New Kids sheets under New Kids curtains, took a New Kids sleeping bag to sleepovers, knew every word to every song, and passionately defended my favorite New Kid, Donnie, when he "allegedly" committed arson in the hallway of a Kentucky hotel or when he "allegedly" started an altercation aboard an airplane. (11-yr-old Kristin: "He was framed, I tell you! Framed!") I wore New Kids t-shirts, wrote Donnie's name on the soles of my shoes and even had an official New Kids on the Block peace sign necklace that I managed to pair with virtually every outfit.

But oh -- it gets worse. I'm originally from Massachusetts (home of the New Kids on the Block, might I add), and my whole extended family still lives up there. And as luck would have it, my grandparents actually lived mere blocks away from Donnie Wahlberg's house in Braintree. I felt like the luckiest kid in the world. I spent many a summer afternoon strolling casually back and forth in front of the big white house, hoping that he'd come outside and, although he was 21 years old to my 11 years, he would fall hopelessly and endlessly in love with me.

Shockingly, this never happened. I of course attribute this to the fact that he was never actually home at the time that I was doing my casual-seductive stroll. Had he been home, I have no doubt that it would have been love at first sight; we'd now be living happily ever after; and you'd all be addressing me as Kristin Wahlberg. (I kid, I kid.)

(Although, I should also add here that while strolling back and forth in front of the Wahlberg house, I did have the opportunity to talk to a teenaged Mark Wahlberg, before he was Marky Mark, and way before he became Mark Wahlberg Movie Star. Let us all drool for a moment....)

Okay. Yes, he's, like, the hottest human being on the planet. But still. I remain devoted to his big brother, Donnie. I didn't think I still felt that way. After all, by the time I was in high school, I was, of course, way too cool to admit ever having loved the New Kids. But 15 years later, let me stand up and say: "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh" (the most ingenious lyrics ever written, of course). Oh yes. They're back. And I still love 'em. Because it's kind of nice to be 10 years old again, crushing anew on the boy (man?) I first fell in love with 19 years ago.

Donnie Wahlberg. Yesterday. Today. Forever.

*Sigh*

* Please note that the preceding entry is laced with just a little bit of exaggeration when it comes to my current New Kids feelings (although sadly, no exaggeration went into the descriptions of my past obsessive actions)... But really. It was great to see them again, and you'd better believe I'll be at one of their concerts this fall. In the meantime, please feel free to address me as Mrs. Wahlberg. And if you know Donnie, please tell him that his wife-to-be is waiting. He'll recognize me by the NKOTB peace sign hanging from my neck.

Top Chef Ten AND ANOTHER WINNER!

2008-05-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

(that's the grey tailed tattler...echem)

Wooohooooo…NIKKI’S NOT HERE!!!

Why we gotta see Spike without a shirt on all the time. And referring to people as “a little bitch.” It’s so exactly how it is in the real world where someone like Dale is getting a bad rap (or maybe it’s just Spike who thinks so) and people like Spike and Lisa (who are the actual villains) kind of just slide-ish.

And I’m liking Andrew. He just is. Passionate and just himself. I’m pulling for him.

QUICKFIRE
• Ugh Sam from Season 2. I just never saw it. Feh. Sure, the tall thing is good, but he’s just…he smacks of a narcissusian level of vanity.
• Bring back salad. Sam says to bring the Sexy Back…into salad. Really?
• Spike wants you to scream “let’s have sex after we eat this salad.” That could only happen if Spike would then present me with someone other than himself.
• Ugh. Lisa. She’s talking. I honestly can’t even listen to her any more.
• I totally have that Outkast song – So Fresh and So Clean stuck in my head right now.

• Sam’s Choice for bottom:
• Richard
• Stephanie
Lisa (maybe I do like Sam?)

• Sam’s Top:
• Spike (Ugh…maybe not)
• Antonia
• Dale (okay…I do like Sam)

• WINNER OF QUICKFIRE: SPIKE (ridiculous)

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE

• Padma and Sam bring out a bunch of fast food.
• Challenge is to make gourmet boxed lunches
• Whole grains, lean proteins, fruits and veggie
• Serve to the men and women of the Chicago P.D.
• Spike gets 10 minute headstart on shopping and choose one ingredient from each food group that only he can use.
• I’m getting a bad feeling about Andrew…I just am.
• Spike chooses: chicken salad - chicken, bread, tomatoes and lettuce
• So – no one can cook with those four things.
• Lisa orders chicken. Echem. Yeah, she then puts it back.
• They have two hours to cook.
• The P.D. has to assemble/microwave it themselves.
• Andrew’s doing sushi? For Chicago P.D.? really?
• Dale is doing cabbage cups…I lurve those.
• Lisa is doing a shrimp, veggie thing. –Andrew says that shrimp has a lot of cholesterol, to which Lisa goes on a rant about how just because your dish was soooo good one time the judges had to “find something bad about it” by saying that you didn’t follow the rules. Is this where she didn’t use Polish Sausage in the Polish Sausage challenge?!?! Wow, she’s really deluded.
• Stephanie is doing a meatball soup thing…sounds cuddly.
• Richard is doing a burrito thing –
• Someone cranks Lisa’s rice all the way to high…dude, if Spike did that? I love he now.
• Stephanie’s theory is that Lisa made it up – that she fucked it up. I agree.
• Spike drops his knives like nine times on the way out.
SERVICE
• The cops start streaming in – and the chefs explain what they have.
• “Question of the Day” – Richard. God, his dorkiness is endearing. Spike says cheesy…and yeah, I can see it. But…genuine.
• Antonia is fast becoming my favorite...she personable and lovely.
• Stephanie’s soup is going over well…uh..there are some cute cops in Chicago, though right?
• Spike’s salad – Padma calls it pedestrian. Woops. It’s not going over well.,
• Dale’s bison cabbage wrap – it’s going over well with the cops…Ted Allen thinks it could use some spice…but, it went over well.
• Antonia’s fillet and jasmine is doing well – the judges like it, well cooked and tender.
• Andrew’s take on a maki roll – he’s over talking to Ted…god love him. The cops are a little sketch…but adorable. Woops…it’s not good. The judges…yeesh.
• Richard fronts Sam with the Do You Like Burritos question...Sam’s all…uh, yeah? It’s going over well.
• Lisa did her stir fry – spicy…like for spicy’s sake, right? Feh.
• Dale is genuinely nervous because there’s not a clear winner/loser

JUDGES TABLE
• Lisa and the rice…ugh.
• Dale and Stephanie are called in!!!
• TOP TWO!!! I love it!!!
• Dale and the leaner bison was a smart choice.
• Stephanie and her soup with barley…
• Seasoning was right on.
• SAM CHOOSES – DALE!!!!
• Dale wins a bottle of Merlot…two tickets to the Napa winery.
• Adorable.
• Spike, Lisa and Andrew go in for the losers…
• This is going to get uglyyyyyyy.
• Andrew’s dish is called out for being not substantial enough…he’s really good about explaining. Aw, man. I feel bad for him. He’s not doing well – he’s panicking and…Tom said, “How about serving us something’s that was good.” Wooooops. (I LOVE HE)
• Spike and his chicken salad… Sam calls him out on picking items not based on what he wanted, but taking them away from the others.
• Lisa…Padma asks why she’s there…she’s all…you asked me here, you tell me. Tom’s all…well, here’s why. Lisa talks about her rice…the judges aren’t buying it. Tom points out that the shrimp sucked. Rice? Shrimp sucks.
• Anything else? Lisa pipes in – Andrew didn’t use a grain. He’s just not doing well. He can’t handle this level of pressure. Lisa’s scared she’s going to get punched…by a legion of people, I assure you.
• Andrew goes kinda nuts, but, Lisa would do that…Andrew is reacting as anyone would.
• The Judges talk about:
• Lisa’s bad shrimp and just being shitty.
• Spike’s pedestrian chicken salad that was just about fucking with the other chefs.
• Andrew’s weird sushi was whatever.
• Dale in the middle of Andrew and Lisa fighting is hilarious.
• Lisa really chose the wrong person to fuck with. Man. Andrew is going ballistic. He’s right though…he’s saying that what she did was shitty and that she has to live with her decision and that she just needs to take care of her shit and stop tattling on people.
• I’m with Andrew…and I fear he’s totally getting kicked off.
• Ugh.
• Andrew – hit the mark on the nutrition, but needs to bridge from the other food to nutritional more.
• Spike – unimaginative and shitty
• Lisa – you’re a whiner and your stir fry wasn’t a stir fry – it was bad shrimp and steamed veggies.
• PACK YOUR KNIVES – ANDREW
• Fuck.
• He’s really cool about it…ugh…that sucks.
• Spike and Andrew confess their love for each other…kinda cute.
• Man…Lisa is still here and NOT ANDREW?!?!
• That’s…that’s just wrong.

*****

Okay - so we never got an address from the last winner so, we're picking another one!

MUFFY!!!!

(Okay...so Muffy? Email your mailing address to Megan (megan@megancrane.com) and she'll get the signed Certain Girls to you!)

Ryan?!?! From Top Chef?!?!

2008-05-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

So, in the comments of the Top Chef roundup, Jeanie Beanie left an ATOM BOMB.

RIGHT?!?!?!

Here is our email exchange when the picture of our favorite, and by favorite I mean kinda annoying, yet earnest, Top Chef was revealed.

Jeanie: Here's that pic you couldn't see. =)

Me: Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!
Dude, he's way hotter in that picture...he needs to not open his mouth...ever.
What the?!?!?
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Jeanie: Right? He comes across so clueless on Top Chef but OMG he is so hot in person! He spoke for about an hour (I missed the first 15 minutes) and all the girlies were swooning in the audience, including me. My fiance was rolling his eyes the whole time. Ryan was really nice too despite what all his haters are saying about him online. He would've let me take a million pics with him and still been nice about it.
****

This is awesome. Thank you so much Jeanie!!!!

***Oh! And Gina 227! Please email Megan with your address - we'll give it a week and then choose another winner....onward!!!

Top Chef Nine and The Winner is Announced!

2008-05-08T00:02:00.000-07:00

Ha! It took an embarrassingly long time, but...LOOK! Pictures!

The Dodger cap with all the fabulous names!

My grubby little mitt searching for a winner!

And there it is! A weirdo, zoom lens-ish paparazzi shot of Gina's name!

*****
And we're off...

QUICKFIRE• No more immunity
• Team One – Andrew, Antonia, Richard and Stephanie
• Team Two – Nikki, Spike, Lisa and Dale
• RELAY RACE – 1) peel/cut oranges, 2) clean/turn artichokes, 3) clean mung fish/make two fillets, 4) make one quart of mayonnaise
• Ummm….I love Dale. “Why are you still here?” to Nikki.
• Lisa vs Antonia with the oranges – Lisa wins…by a lot. Ugh.
• Spike vs. Andrew with the artichokes (insert “choke” joke here) – Spike gets huge head start, Andrew employs a peeler, Spike breaks the second artichoke – ANDREW WINS, no more lead.
• Dale vs. Richard with the mung fish…this is nasty, by the way…BOTH GOOD/EVEN
• Nikki vs. Stephanie with the mayonnaise – of course, Nikki had a thousand excuses, Stephanie is stirring, stirring, stirring - STEPHANIE WINS!!!
• Team One wins!!!
• Dale does the FUCK thing – Lisa says, “Dale doesn’t like losing.” And everyone kind of freaks out about it…feh, you know? If Spike could peel an artichoke, we wouldn’t have a problem.

COMMERCIAL BREAK –
• That Prince Caspian movie looks awesome! So, I was at Iron Man over the weekend and my niece was looking at the Prince Caspian poster, turns to me and says, “Three letters. H. O. T.” It was one of those moments where you think…you are so cool, little girl. I know we’re related and I remember when you were born and everything…but, you are one smooth kid.
• Fish Eye Wine…really? When did that name sound like a good idea?

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE• Winning team will get advantage.
• Restaurant Wars? Yeah, we’re not doing that.
• This couple come in – Corey and JP – they’re getting married tomorrow…
• Restaurant Wars becomes Wedding Wars
• 125 guests each - one team caters to Corey’s taste the other team to JP
• Winning Team chooses – Bride
• Losing Team – Groom
• Spike opines about the plight of the bride and how the winning team chose poorly because all women dream about this day their entire lives. Sigh.
• Total Budget - $5,000
• Work through the night…they’ve set up cots…awesome
• Andrew apparently has a “culinary boner”…wow, that’s incredibly a) awkward b) kind of gross c) confusing – is it like...you know, I don't want to know.

THE CHALLENGE• JP likes Italian
• Corey is southern
• The teams govern themselves accordingly.
• Team One (Richard, Andrew, Antonia and Stephanie) Team Two (Nikki, Spike, Dale and Lisa) is…ugh…listening to Nikki. Really? Dale is…crushed.
• Nikki starts bad mouthing Dale…really? Spike is really banking on Nikki…I just…has Spike been here for this competition? I mean – has he SEEN Nikki be in this specific competition?
• Richard/Andrew have to pick out flowers…they are lacking, to say the least.
• Team Two – Lisa is doing the groom’s cake, Nikki is doing pasta, Dale is doing all the protein and Spike is grilling the veggies.
• Team One – Antonia is doing the appies, Andrew/Richard are doing the protein and Stephanie is doing the bride’s cake (chocolate/lemon)…mmmm.
• Team Two is quickly realizing that Nikki is an idiot…Dale is literally banging his head against the wall. It's so amazing how quickly Spike decides to just cover his own ass.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

• Ooh, it’s Jack Ryan weekend….I swear I could watch The Hunt for Red October over and over and over again….’I would have liked to have seen Montana…”
• Ugh, God…PS I Love You…horrible movie. Just…bad. “I’m trouble.” --Hilary Swank. Really? I mean, at what point does someone step in and say, “You know what…I just don’t think people talk like that…I’m trouble? Really? I mean, do you know anyone who’s ever said that? Have you yourself ever said that…and not like while monologuing to yourself about what you SHOULD have said…that one time? No? Yeah…me either.”

BACK TO THE CHALLENGE• Time passes…
• Now Andrew thinks he is Popeye’s Wet Dream with all his spinach…well, thank god you have a ‘culinary boner’ – because THAT would have been awkward.
• Team Two starts eating their young – Spike thinks Dale is fucking up, so he grabs the sea bass and does it, that way he can be all…uh, I have the bass, so my name's Paul and it's between yo'all.
• Nikki is “lingering” on the pasta.
• Nikki wants to know what Dale’s doing – but when anyone asks Nikki for advice she’s all “I don’t know” and now she’s saying (talking shit) about how Dale’s not a team player and what is that exactly? Doing what she says when she doesn’t know what the answer is? So, how does one do that??
• Lack of sleep – Andrew quiets down apparently. Cute. Antonia mean mugs…Lisa. Nice.
• Ugh – I’m annoyed. Tom comes in – contestants clearly exhausted….Italian easy…I love Tom. He said Lisa took the easy way out because she said the groom wanted his cake to look rustic or whatever, Tom then says, I don’t think he meant ugly. Southern is hard because it’s so simple – and it has to be done right.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

• ExtenZe? Really? Male enhancement…hmmm. I just…I just don’t think it’s “real science” like they assert…in a sport drink? This is a bad SNL skit.

BACK TO THE CHALLENGE – THE WEDDING• Everyone’s on edge - haven’t slept in over a day…
• Judges – TOM, GAYLE and GALE GAND of TRU restaurant…pastry chef.
• Wow, this is someone’s wedding. They’re really getting married…on Top Chef.
• Stephanie’s cake looks pretty good…Richard is getting nervous and Antonia’s not having any of it…she’s all, ‘sniff’
• Wait…what was that Bride’s quote? Rewind Tivo “I used to say all the time that I just wish that he loved me the way that I love him and then one day he did.” Wait…what? Uh…kind of depressing?
• Appies go out – looks good – pulled pork, flat breads, bruschetta…
• Dinner starts – buffet…
• Team One smartly decides to keep Andrew in the back. I. Love. Them.
• Nikki is apparently the only contestant that has been up all night…oh wait.
• Dale is in back – because, quite frankly, he’s surly.
• I’m liking Richard – he’s just positive, you know? Just in it to win it…and not getting weird with anyone, just getting the job done.
• Team One – Andrew’s dish goes down (as his team said it would…never make a crispy anything at a buffet – it won’t stay crispy)
• Team Two – the groom walks through and Nikki tells him that she won’t be offended if he doesn’t take anything. Uh…what?
• Oooh, snap – pasta is too sweet, the ragu that Dale did that Nikki bagged on – yeah, they liked it.
• The Cakes – Stephanie…adorable. Way prettier. Groom’s cake…feh. Looks like a mudpie. Pretty? Everybody was like wow? Really, Lisa? Delusional.

COMMERCIAL BREAK
• So, this Oust commercial. You know, it’s not often that you see sexism at work – in that really scary way…but this commercial is perfect. Dad with a baby, he changes the diaper and tosses the dirty diaper into the bin – it misses. He walks out. The Mom, making that ‘boys will be boys’ face, puts the diaper all the way in the bin and then sprays the Oust everywhere, then joins the Dad and Baby in the living room, where he’s watching a game. Really? Would you ever just toss a dirty diaper into a bin and not check if it actually made it in? Knowing that someone was going to clean up after you? I mean, really? Can you imagine? Yeah, that tea bag? It’s just there on the floor…I missed the bin, honey. I just knew you’d be by to pick it up, so I said…fuck it.

JUDGES TABLE
• Lots of yawning.
• Spike gives it up to the “ladies that made cakes.” Ugh.
• Up First - Bride’s Team – the favorite
• Why the Bride, they ask. Richard says it was his choice. It’s the ‘bride’s day.’
• Tom calls Andrew on the chicken (from the kid challenge) and says the spinach was gross…Richard says the star anise was his idea…and Andrew’s all, “yeah, it sucked.” Richard makes a face.
• Gayle – wedding cake? Everyone’s impressed with Stephanie…yayyyy! She’s back!
• WINNER – RICHARD
• Gives it to Stephanie…adorable. She gets a gift certificate to Crate and Barrel.
• Yeah…I like that Richard.
• Groom’s Team – loser
• This is going to be bad….I just…ugh…
• Lisa has that fucked up look on her face…
• Tom asks who drove the bus – Nikki is all, “definitely not me.” Loser.
• Cake? Lisa is all…the cake is supposed to be ugly. Tom’s all…then you succeeded.
• Wow…they’re getting ripped apart. All of them.
• Nikki…I will cut Nikki with Andrew’s culinary boner.
• This is where the only sane person sounds crazy – you know? Spike and Nikki are talking to Dale like he’s crazy…”you should have liked it, it took him three hours to make it.” Dale, about Spike’s fish dish…
• Spike had one fish dish…that’s it. Veggies, too…but not well.
• Dale – did bulk of the work – he should have edited.
• Nikki – a major disappointment.
• Nikki tries to convince Dale not to point fingers…uh, yeah…when you’re the loser and you want everyone to take the blame…right? Ugh…she’s ridiculous. Over. Her. Please…please…let it be her. I mean, I’ll even take Spike another week to get rid of her trifling ass.

THE VERDICT
• Dale – did the bulk of the work, but it wasn’t good.
• Nikki – most experience, but did nothing.
• Spike – lazy
• NIKKI PACK YOUR KNIVES!!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!
• Next week – Dude…they all go cuh-razy.

THE GIVEAWAY!!!

I put all the slips of paper into a LA Dodger hat - I couldn't bring myself to handle a fedora (ugh)...

I took pictures of me actually doing it, but my whole computer is doing its little 'you're three weeks away from deadline, so I'm going to act crazy' thing.

THE WINNER - GINA 227

Thank you so much to everyone for de-lurking and putting your name in...Gina - can you email your address to Megan (megan@megancrane.com) with your address?

Wooohoooooooo! The ousting of Nikki and free autographed books! Not a bad day.

Hilarity With Haikus

2008-05-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

So I was just scanning People.com when I noticed this hilarious post about John Mayer and his new feathered '80s haircut. If you read his blog, you may have spotted his May 1 announcement that he's taking his hair '80s style, a la Michael J. Fox, Shaun Cassidy, and yes, Mary Lou Retton. And if you've seen pics of Mayer in the last few days, you may have noticed that he does indeed look very, um . . . feathered. Well, in a recent interview with a People reporter, he issued a challenge: to write a haiku about his hair. The response on People.com has been astounding. Who knew there were so many poets out there just waiting to be inspired by a feathered 'do?

So here's my challenge (because I happen to think that John Mayer is a musical genius with a dreadfully amusing sense of humor): Let's see what kind of haiku we can come up with! We're writers! We're readers! We appreciate powerful words! So check out the new 'do and let's see what kind of haiku you feel inspired to write.

Is this not the most creative way to goof off when I'm on deadline for a novel, by the way? My haiku is coming. I promise. I just need to visualize the feathered layers a little longer....

And by the way, Dictionary.com defines a haiku as "a major form of Japanese verse, written in 17 syllables divided into 3 lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables, and employing highly evocative allusions and comparisons, often on the subject of nature or one of the seasons."

Monday Music, Why Avril Lavigne can Suck It, Iron Man and GiveAway News

2008-05-04T20:06:00.000-07:00

This weekend was supposed to be the all Avril Lavigne weekend. I bought one set of tickets for one niece on May 3rd and another set for the other on the 4th. I was looking forward to it in this abstract, this is hilarious kind of way - just because it's so bananas - two nights of Avril Lavigne. I figured I'd have Girlfriend stuck in my head for years...

We arrive at the Honda Center - little girls dressed in their best and brightest...and are told that the show is canceled. I can't begin to tell you how disappointed we were. It's one thing as an adult to have a concert canceled, but imagine being twelve or thirteen...just heartbreaking. And I just...I mean, wasn't it last week that Kenny Chesney went on with the show even after breaking his foot? Yeah...Avril? You can suck it. Little girlies had been dropped off and were now frantically trying to call their parents...I mean, what a freaking nightmare.

I'm officially boycotting everything Avril - not that I'm a fan or anything, but I have been known to download the theme to Eragon every now and again...no more, Avril. You have been officially banished.

We salvaged the night by taking the girlies to see Iron Man - and it was...AWESOME. Highly recommended. I love me some Robert Downey, Jr. And wait until the end (after the credits)...just sayin.

The big Jennifer Weiner GiveAway is going to be announced Thursday - so, get in your names before then - just put your name and favorite Jennifer Weiner book in the comments section of the Giveaway post.

And for Monday Music - I was sitting at the Hard Rock Cafe today - with the second niece, after the second canceled Avril Lavigne show - and this song/video came on over the loud speaker. And I do mean - loud. If you've never been in a Hard Rock Cafe - the music is crazy loud...just how I like it. They had the hits rollin' too - Stronger by Kanye, Shout by Tears for Fears, Everything's Changing by Keane and this one.

Ben...Ben...sigh.

Death Cab for Cutie - Soul Meets Body

Have a great week!

Jennifer Weiner? Give Away? Can it be?!?!

2008-05-01T23:21:00.000-07:00

Megan and I ventured out this breezy Thursday night to see Jennifer Weiner read from her long-awaited sequel to Good in Bed: Certain Girls.

I've seen Jennifer Weiner speak several times - I've been a fan of her and her work for years (who hasn't?)...

What I love is that even with 9 million copies of her books floating around the world - and that's not an exaggeration, by the way, 9 million actual copies, not hyperbole - she's just this amazing person who still remembers your name, tells stories about Rock of Love and agrees to take lame pictures with you: Exhibit A.

(I don't know why we're hovering over the poor woman like that)

We also met up with the ridiculously cool and talented Julie Buxbaum who was there as well. So, of course we had to rope her into a picture. We lured her in with a Dennis Lehane story...as you do.

It was one of those nights - perfect Santa Monica weather and a great crowd.

So we thought we'd spread the wealth.

We got an extra signed Certain Girls! Who wants it?

How about you leave your favorite Jennifer Weiner book in the comments, we'll throw your names into a hat (Fedora, perchance?) and pick a lucky winner!!!

Missing a Dear Friend on His Birthday

2008-05-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

I know I hardly ever pop up on here anymore, and for that, I’m sorry! It’s no excuse, but I’m writing like a maniac every day now; I have a first draft deadline for my next book on May 15, and I have so much more writing to do between now and then.

But I had to stop in briefly today for a quick post. Today is the birthday of my best friend from childhood, Jay Cash. We’re just three days apart in age – he was born on May 1, and I was born on May 4 – and we lived two doors down from each other from the age of 2 to the age of 10. And for those eight years of my life, we were inseparable. We obsessed over the same things (Superman, Spiderman, the Transformers, songs from the musical “Annie,” break-dancing). We spent a year in our Superman capes attempting to fly (it didn’t work). We built snowmen and igloos and pelted each other with snowballs. We played house (for me) and had “sword fights” with big sticks (for him). We played freeze tag and four-square like pros. We learned to do everything together. And even after I moved to Florida at age 10, Jay and I kept in touch. Throughout my childhood and early adulthood, we continued to write each other letters and talk on the phone all the time. We still turned to each other for advice. I loved him and trusted him completely. We were making plans to visit each other sometime soon.

And then, late one night in October 2003, he was driving home and lost control of his car around a curve. They say it happened quickly. I hope that it was fast enough that he didn’t have a chance to feel scared or experience pain. But his car hit a utility pole, and he died alone that night by the side of the road.

I miss him every day, but it’s particularly hard each year on his birthday (especially since we always celebrated together!), and of course on the anniversary of his death. I think of him often, and I have so many regrets – regrets that I too often took our friendship for granted, that I didn’t tell him often enough how much I cared, that I always assumed there would be a tomorrow. I should have flown out to see him when I had the chance. I should have talked to him more. I should have done a better job being there for him during tough times. I shouldn’t have relegated him to the back burner when I had other things going on in my life. I shouldn’t have let months pass sometimes without talking to him, knowing that we could pick up exactly where we left off. I shouldn’t have let so many opportunities slip away.

So in Jay’s honor, reach out today to someone you haven’t talked to in a while, an old friend who means something to you. Or say “I love you” to someone who doesn’t hear it often enough. And don’t forget how lucky we are to still be living each day of our lives. My birthday’s on Sunday, and I know I’m supposed to be complaining about getting old. But losing Jay puts it in perspective. I realize how lucky I am to be turning another year older when he never had a chance to make it past 24. Every new year is a gift, I think, and I’ll do my best to live my life in a way that would have made him proud.

Jay and me in our matching Superman shirts when we were kids

Top Chef Eight by Liza

2008-04-30T21:44:00.000-07:00

My theory – after spending a bit too much time on the Tivo pause button – is that due to the teaser clip from the wedding show two shows from now – that Lisa, Andrew or Mark is up for knife packing this time around. I couldn’t find those three in any of the shots for the two away show.

I know…I have to get a life.

Opening shot – Lisa alone on the balcony. What a shock.

QUICKFIRE

Visiting Judge – Oprah’s Personal Chef: Art Smith (simple/healthy)

• Create a fabulous entrée in 15 minutes
• Using Uncle Ben’s Rice (product placement much)

I’m loving Dale (fried rice) more and more…Stephanie and Antonia (rice and salad) as well…top three for me. Begrudgingly I’m good with Richard…he’s self-aware and just nerdy enough for me to be tolerant. For now.

MARK = NASTY: SPOON IN MOUTH, SPOON IN RICE. RICE TO JUDGES.

Bottom Three
Mark
Stephanie (whaaaa??!)
Lisa

Top Three
Dale
Richard
Antonia

WINNER WITH IMMUNITY - ANTONIA!!!

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE• Art’s organization Common Threads: bringing family together at the table
• Devise complete dinner: delicious and nutritious for a family of 4
• Budget of $10
• Child can help make
• Can be cooked at home

What I’m hit with is what assholes some people are. Andrew opining about how he wanted to do a lobster terrine? I mean…who the fuck would eat that…what kids would eat that…it’s just…this is the Project Runway thing again.

Do you get to the point in your field where you forget where you came from?

Antonia is a single Mom? Did we know that?
• Ahhh, now we see the phone call with the girlie.
• Antonia tells a smell my poo joke.

Mark: re: a fish curry, “that’s what I make for me and my lady.” Sigh. Apparently, Mark is Tom Jones.

Extra help arrives: KIDS!!! They’re bananas cute…Antonia starts crying because she misses her girlie and it's genuine…the only one to greet the kids? Richard. Cute.

• Richard is trying to sneak a beet into the mix. Abigail is wary.
o When HotTom comes in Abigail totally goes into what they’re cooking…says, “we let the onions sweat…” adorable.
• Spike…again with the soup…and then the kid cuts himself – and then Spike says that it’s cool that he acted like he was fine…then he asks if he has a girlfriend. The kid’s like 10.
• Dale takes to his little kid because they’re both on the shorter side. Adorable.
o HotTom talks to Dale’s little guy…adorable. I can’t stop saying adorable.
• Andrew is cute…he’s interactive and talks to his little boy at his height level…and then says he was heavier as a kid and taught himself to cook to take the weight off. Aww, Andrew. Do you get that he's just always been a bit of a misfit?
• Nikki was apparently the only latch-key kid in the entire history of the world.
• Mark is making a curry…Jesucita is all…uhhh…this guy nasty.
• Stephanie is doing a couscous…and peanut butter…and it may be a bit complicated. Her confidence is waning….

SERVICE STARTS

• Serving the kids from Common Threads…
• Richard and Abigail come out with a chicken thing and apple…Abigail has to answer for the beets…she’s all…roll eyes...Richard and the fucking beeeets.
• Lisa and Andrew – chicken, edamame and apple. What’s with the apple? Not going well.
• Dale and Emmanuel – sausage and potatoes…apples….again. Cabbage isn’t going over well…not universal enough. Emmanuel is bragging on Dale.
• Spike and Alex – pasta…the kids are stoked, but Spike starts making excuses about this and that… why? Just set the plate down and move on. No one will know.
• Nikki and Amaris – chicken and veggies in a one pot meal. Going over well…
• Mark and Jesucita comes out with a curry…Padma says it’s too sweet...no protein?
• Antonia and Jeffry – stir fry…they say…better than Spike’s pasta
• Andrew and Miguel – chicken paillard…apples and orange salad…going over well.
• Stephanie and Arlynn – couscous and a bunch of other stuff…not going over well. “Restaurant chef that doesn’t cook at home”-Gayle
• Richard then makes a creepy comment about wanting to go home and make babies…make “little Blaises.” I shit you not.

JUDGES TABLE

• Padma calls in: Andrew, Nikki and Antonia
• I like that Andrew’s going in…he’s doing really well…and I’m warming to him…
• Nikki – one pot, well seasoned, well balanced with brussel sprouts
• Andrew – made fruit accessible, with fennel…expanded their horizons
• Antonia – whole wheat noodles – delicate and flavorful
• WINNER – ANTONIA!!!! AGAIN!!!! • Padma asks for: Lisa, Stephanie and Mark (2 out of 3)
• Stephanie – peanut butter and tomatoes? Bizarre. Portion too large…couscous not made right.
• Mark – Mark is baffled and thinks he’s in the bottom 3 because Tom doesn’t like him…not because he’s serving shitty food. Added more veggies? He’s being weird…like, assholey and stand-offish and honestly perplexed that it's not some personal vendetta of Tom's to roust Mark out of the Top Chef hallowed halls. How arrogant/retarded are you where you're all...it's a Tom conspiracy! My cooking is earth shattering! d.e.l.u.d.e.d.
• Lisa – she tries to say that she learned from the polish sausage incident…she’s weird and defensive and is missing that the judges are saying that her shit is bland…not that the poor are not entitled to good food…which was her point or something. Can’t take criticism – and that’s pointed out when the she leaves…
• Lisa’s still talking shit – bland food this…bland food that…weird. She’s weird, dude. Like totally entitled and - you know, it's the difference, right? One's ability to take criticism - to know that you have more to learn. Does Lisa honestly think that she's a better chef than everyone? In the entire world? (probably)

THE RESULTS

• Stephanie – off-putting
• Mark – off balance
• Lisa – lacked flavor

PACK YOUR KNIVES - MARK

Tom has to re-assure Mark that he likes him. Who is he - Sally Field?

Mark’s parting words? Rock on, Rocker. Seriously?

****Next week? Wedding challenge! Cooking for 14 hours straight!

Ends with? DALE SLAMMING A LOCKER AND YELLING…FUUUUUUUCK!!!

It’s on like Donkey Kong.

Ms. Crankyrants by Lauren

2008-04-28T07:37:00.000-07:00

Argh. I'm in a mood this morning. Perhaps it's the looming deadline I'm trying to ignore. Perhaps it's the pouring rain. Or maybe it's the irksome behavior of a few of my sister citizens on this ever-shrinking planet. Based on a number of unpleasant encounters over the past several days, it seems some people (undoubtedly none of the cool gals who read this blog) need a bit of reminding that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them. Other people live here, too, and you bug the living daylights out of us. To wit:

1. Nobody wants to hear your cellphone conversation. The rest of us could not care less that you're going to stop at the market on your way home this afternoon, or that you think you'll give this new guy a chance and see where the relationship goes. I am talking to you, woman on the elliptical trainer next to me this morning. The next time you decide to prattle in my ear for the duration of my workout, I will rip that iPhone out of your bejeweled hand and crush it in an adrenaline-fueled rage.

2. If you're driving near a school at 8:30 in the morning, and have to stop for a red light, kindly do not block the freaking crosswalk. I'm talking to you, horrible woman in the white tuna-can convertible with the New Jersey plates at the intersection of Park Avenue and 93rd Street. If you do choose to stop in the crosswalk, forcing parents to lead their children into oncoming traffic, prepare to get dirty looks. Do not respond to the dirty looks by leaning out the window and bellowing, "What's your problem? Didn't you get laid last night?" This is Park Avenue. There are schoolchildren present. For heaven's sake, lady, be a lady. If that's possible.

3. If you are a mother accompanying three children on a train--say, the Amtrak 140 from Washington to Penn Station on Saturday afternoon--and your two young boys are arguing loudly about who gets to use the pen first to sign his ticket, do not suggest in a soft, musical voice, "Noah? Please let Ezra use your pen. Noah? Honey? Please let Ezra use the pen. Please, Noah. Let Ezra have a turn." Say, "NOAH. GIVE YOUR BROTHER THE PEN. NOW."

Thank you for listening, and have a pleasant stay here on Earth.

Festival of Books, the Face of the Sun and Monday Music by liza

2008-04-27T09:43:00.001-07:00

Unable to burn the idea of silver scrota (the little known superhero...SILVER SCROTA!! It's a bird! It's a plane! IT'S SILVER SCROTAAAAA!...) I wanted to share some pictures from this weekend's Festival of Books here in Los Angeles.

Just a little bit of setting for you..because I'm a writer and I feel it is my duty to really set the stage for you.

It was 3,000 degrees yesterday.

Moving on.

Megan and I showed up to her Border's Signing early to be met with:

From the back:
Harlan Coben
Joanne Harris
John Lescroart

I mean...what the? This was like the other year when I sat exactly where Michael Connelly had been. Sigh.

Then we checked out the Book Soup Booth where I was signing later that day.

My entire signing was marred with this statement," Can you get me the...yeah, Liza Palmer...next to The Trauma." I couldn't get away from Trauma, apparently.

Then the real highlight of the day.

Megan and I were sitting on the steps of the library on the beautiful UCLA campus in the one shady spot waiting for our signing times - me with my new lover: a big, beautiful glass of lemonade. This woman rolled up with what I thought was a baby in a stroller. Nope. A dog. (and not the only strollered canine, i assure you) Then another woman came up. The exact same dog.

And then they met.

Below is the meeting of Nugget (on the left) and Harry James Potter. They're both 6 months old.

Right?!?!? Cutest. Ever.

Then it was time for Megan's signing and well...

I then signed over at the Booksoup booth where I had the ridiculous serendipity to be signing right before Francesca Lia Block. It was...well, it's kind of what this festival is all about. Seeing your heroes up close.

And for the Monday Music...I'm obsessed with two people right now. Leona Lewis and Billy Joel. I know, right? totally schizophrenic. Well, I used to drive around, back in the day, to that Billy Joel's Greatest Hits album, you know the one...the greyish one with him on the front? And I just...well, I got nostalgic.

So, here's two songs for you. One by Leona and one by Billy.

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love
(this is a weird live version, but she's incredible...)

Billy Joel - You May be Right

Silver balls by Kim

2008-04-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

not sure quite how to approach without pictorial evidence...will attempt. bear with me -- i'll have a photo up next week.

so, i'm in nashville at the moment, visiting my in-laws (husband's dad and stepmom). as always, it's an adventure in, well, suppressing my yankee impatience.

but, first, silver balls. actually, more accurately, silver scrotums. scrota? to wit: cruising down suburban nashville thoroughfare. spot twinkling object swinging from rear bumper of oversize truck in front of us.

twinkly silver object is car jewelry in form of scrotum.

me: what's that?
gabe: um...
me: is that balls?
gabe: i don't...
father-in-law: and on your left, that used to be tammy wynette's house. (starts warbling "stand by your man")
me: that's a ball sac!
gabe: that's a ball sac!
me: hanging from a car!
gabe: do you think it's, uh, real?
me: like those bronze baby shoes--
gabe: (retching a little) oh, god, oh god...
father-in-law: and over there by the lawn jockeys you'll see one of our 173 baptist churches...
me: omigod, we saw a silver scrotum hanging from a car bumper.
gabe: i thought that bumper sticker was pretty funny.
me: the one that said "i'm part of the vast right-wing conspiracy"?
gabe: yeah.
me: silver balls!
gabe: can we drop it?

Flirting with Lifetime?

2008-04-24T17:24:00.001-07:00

So, I'm scrolling through the Internets...I mean...uh...writing and I come upon this...

Pacific Coast News is reporting that:

"Heather Locklear made the Hawaiian island of Oahu even more breathtaking as she filmed scenes for her upcoming TV movie 'Flirting with Forty.'

The Lifetime movie stars Heather as a divorced mother of two who decides to spend her 40th birthday in Hawaii and has a romantic encounter with a surf instructor, played by Robert Buckley, who you may know as Kirby on 'Lipstick Jungle.'"

This is huge news!

CONGRATULATIONS, JANE!!!!

Top Chef Seven by Liza

2008-04-23T23:50:00.001-07:00

You don't even want to know. Why asparagus? Why just one. I actually envy you not knowing.

QuickFire

HEY PASTRY - a branch of the culinary arts that's very near and dear to my little Elisabeth Page loving heart.

And...um...Hottie Hotterson isn't a bad ambassador of the pastry art, I assure you.

So everyone makes a pastry. And everyone is shocked that they have to. Then everyone remembers that every single other Top Chef had to make a pastry. And then they remembered that every one of those ex-contestants said the same thing.

The HMS Hotterson chooses: Antonia, Spike and Mark as the bottom three and Dale, Lisa and Richard as the top three.

Richard and his banana scallops are crowned the winner.

I've decided that I like Richard. He's kind of...harmless and self-aware and dorky and Seinfeld quoting and...well, he's not Spike. And the Asshole Bar is mighty high and apparently one has to be wearing a fedora in order to reach it.

Elimination Challenge

The chefs head out to the Second City for a night out. Mark flashes his nasty, black pantied ass (and yes...panties) to the camera and then has the audacity to say that Richard's pink shirt is somehow effeminate. Uh...weren't you, black panty man, bathing with Spike last week? A bubble bath, in fact?

Obviously the Second City thing turns into this weird improv based challenge. The crowd yells out a color, a feeling and some ingredient. That's what the teams of two has to make.

They are:

1) Spike and Andrew - yellow love vanilla
2) Antonia and Lisa - Magenta drunk polish sausage
3) Jen and Stephanie - Orange Turned-On Asparagus
4) Mark and Nikki - Purple depressed bacon
5) Dale and Richard - Green perplexed tofu

When the teams head to Whole Foods is when I start to bang my head on the wall. Lisa and Antonia decide to not use Polish Sausage. I'll give you a minute. Just check the list. Yeah. RIGHT?!?! They say they're going to use Chilean sea bass. Uh-huh. Yeah, check the list again. I'll wait. they begrudgingly say they'll put some chorizo on there. Sigh. What the fuck?!?!

Spike and Andrew are in love with themselves. It's actually quite embarrassing. It's like when you take a little pre-schooler and re-introduce him to an old friend (meaning, like they met 4 days ago) and they awkwardly hug and look at you and then kind of hug again and then look at you some more. Yeah, it was like that. There was a lot of high fiving. A lot of 'hey, we're improving!'...I mean...just tragic. And of course, that Fedora Shit made a soup. What the fuck? Souplantation has already been opened, son. Just cool it.

Tom comes in...and just a sidebar...um...is anyone else finding Tom RIDICULOUSLY HOT?! Is it just me?! I mean...it's getting to be kind of...distracting. I just...well...needless to say...it's embarrassing at this point.

So Tom comes in (sigh) and says that the chefs have to pack their shit in 20 minutes and that they'll finish prepping their dishes at the Top Chef House for another hour. Oh - there was also a thing where there was no electronic devices - I thought that might deter SoupBoy, but it didn't. They just said there'd be "more love" involved. Ugh.

It's at this point that Lisa chimes in with, "if you didn't see this coming then... you're shit out of luck or something." And I'm thinking...really? Every other time they got to cook in the kitchen. Not one time did they ever move the chefs. EVERY OTHER TOP CHEF HAD TO COOK A PASTRY AND THIS BITCH HAD NARY and all of the sudden she's all, "sheeit, if they didn't see Tom coming in here with an hour and twenty minutes to go and telling us that we're cooking for the second city people back at the Top Chef house for the next hour before serving them' then they're shit out of luck. I MEAN...COME ON.

And then she just started losing it. Like...she's mean. Like...mean. Like Tiffani from Season One mean. (and doesn't Stephanie remind you of Harold?!?! -he shook and lost the first challenge, too....just sayin')

The chefs serve their food..

1) Spike and Andrew's soup goes over well. ugh
2) Stephanie and Jen are awesome in their presentation, but the dish falls short (but do you now know what they did with the asparagus? turned on? get it?)
3) Dale and Richard make tofu...good.
4) Antonia and Lisa serve no polish sausage...and the do a shot of tequila. Just them....
5) Mark (in sunglasses) and Nikki serve their depressed bacon. Feh.

Judge's Table

Padma calls for Dale/Richard and Spike/Andrew.

I can't even tell you...I'm rocking back and forth and just saying over and over again..."daleandricharddaleandricharddaleandricharddaleandrichard..." I couldn't have Spike and Andrew win for that effing soup. I couldn't.

So...thank god. Dale and Richard win. Phew. They get some dishes or something.

They then call in Stephanie/Jen and Antonia/Lisa as the bottom two.

NOT STEPHANIE!!!

But, she's safe - I know in my heart she's safe...she has to....I'm hyperventilating. I need a paper bag.

In the end, Jen goes home. And she's tragic and sad and still "doing it for Johnny"...and I just...I don't know - she never got back in the game after Zoi left. So, I guess a couple can't be in this game - because inevitably one is going to get sent home and the other is just going to feel like they have to carry out some weird, culinary revenge.

hello...my name is jen biesty. you dismissed my lover. prepare to die.
HELLO! MY NAME IS JEN BIESTY! YOU DISMISSED MY LOVER! PREPARE TO DIE!

Next week...KIDS!!!

Crane Takes to the Pole (by Liza)

2008-04-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

Best. Headline. Ever.

After Megan's ridiculously fun event at the S Factor the other night, we all had to have ourselves photographed by The Pole. As you do.

Of course - the entire publishing world then found out when said pic was then made the Picture of the Day by Publisher's Weekly.

Then our Moms found out.

They must be so proud.

PICTURE OF THE DAY

Crane Takes to the Pole
On Saturday April 19 author Megan Crane led an active discussion and signing in L.A. After talking about her new book, Names My Sisters Call Me (5 Spot), the author joined readers in a pole dancing workout. The sell-out crowd took part in Sheila Kelley’s S Factor, which utilizes the striptease workout to help women improve their fitness while cultivating their sensuality. Crane is pictured (l.) with author Liza Palmer (Seeing Me Naked).

Mom, matted dog, drudge by Kim

2008-04-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

Set the scene: Breakfast at our place (AKA, animal wilding replete with shrieking, sailing plates, two-fisted gorging, legit cat fight and spilled milk). I've had five hours of sleep (this includes two interruptions: once to rescue Lulu from her peed-in pants -- an inevitability after she refused to hit the potty on the way to bed -- and another time to calm Zev after he was ripped out of sleep by Lulu's incessant allergen-induced sneezing).

Thought: Can I possibly survive much longer as a human being on this little sleep, or will I morph into a completely new species, superhuman in all aspects (except of course for one perfect, fatal flaw, like if someone sees my bare stomach I die)?

My conversation with my 4-year-old daughter, Lulu bin Laden:

Me: If you get dressed now, I'll do your hair in two pink, fluffy, princess pigtails.

[No answer: Lulu opens her mouth and drops egg out of it slowly, deliberately. Zev screams with pleasure and does the same. The cats high five.]

Me: Two pink, fluffy, princess, diamond, magic, engorged pigtails! And I'm going to brush it out first, like mine, to be different. [Wave hand at mop, which resembles Michael Landon's singed, tricolore crop during the Little House on the Prairie years.]

Lulu: [pause] Will it be straight?

Me: It will be...different. It will look sort of, uh, wavy, like mine.

Lulu: [gazing at my Landon fro with pleased expression] Good, I want to look like a matted dog.

Top Chef Six - by Liza

2008-04-17T01:19:00.000-07:00

(I googled "handsome man cartoon" and this is what popped up. And well, needless to say - I had to have it. Oh and, by the by - his name is Prince Derek (i shit you not)

Okay...Episode 6 or the episode we're enlightened to the fact that Spike is "a talented dude."

Ugh. I feel like I'm harping on Spike in these recaps, but I just...I realized what it was that totally bothers me, nay...offends me about him. I'll point out my revelation in just a second.

QuickFire Challenge

(that's for you Lauren...)

*Padma comes out with a female chef who owns Avec restaurant in Chicago.
*The challenge is to make a simple dish paired with a certain beer.
*The Poker Faced Chef picks Nikki, Spike and Dale as the bottom three
*She then picks Richard, Stephanie (yay!) and Jen as the top three.
*In the end - Poker Face Chef chooses Jen as the winner.

Now, this is also the episode where we realize that Jen is now morphed into Matt Dillon from The Outsiders.

Instead of "We're doing it for Johnny!" it was "I'm doing it for Zoi!"...I don't know, these reality shows always get a bit extreme. Zoi is probably in the Marriott right down the street for fuck's sake...it's not like they take them out back and put two behind her ear. Jesus.

Elimination Challenge
The chefs have to cater a Chicago Bears Tailgate party at Soldier Field.

*My notes simply say, "Is Marc retarded?" Didn't he just seem...stoned during this entire episode?!?!
*Spike buys Whole Foods out of all their Chicken Wings -and then proceeds to say that he's "attacking" his prep, and "attacking" his dish and attacking...attacking...attacking. Ugh.
*Richard is going to do a pa-TAY melt. GET IT?!?! I found Richard kind of okay in this episode - he seemed more laid back and not as arrogant - and no scales.
*Nikki is apparently a big Corey Hart fan and is shopping with her sunglasses on at night. Awesome. She's also going to do a sausage something - and decides not to make her own sausage. She's making a sandwich. So - what...the skill is...where now? This is the same woman who yammered on for hours about making her pasta - and she can't make a sausage?
*Ryan is making a 9 course meal...with, and he DOESN'T want to say it...California Flair. There are poached pears involved. I don't know either.
*Andrew is hyper and awkward, but a great cook with some kind of shrimp/bacon thing.
*Stephanie does her little pork tenderloin thing - no problems...just cruising.
*Jen does some cucumber thing with a quinoa thing - for a tailgating party. Yeah. BUT SHE'S DOING IT FOR JOHNNY, MAN...SHE'S DOING IT FOR JOHNNY!
*Lisa's doing skirt steak as well as grating on my last nerve.
*Dale's doing ribs
*Antonia's doing a jerk chicken thing.

I really took to Dale in this episode. I liked how he approached Lisa in the beginning. I liked even more how he was all, yeah, I apologize for my behavior, but I don't apologize for your personality. Woops.

Here's the epiphany I had about why Spike enrages me. Dale is an asshole. He's said it about himself. But. He's a good guy - if that makes any sense. There's a soul there and a heart (when Gayle Sayers came over and he was grinning like a little 11 year old boy = adorable). Also, he takes responsibility for his shit. He's his own thing. Spike, on the other hand, when Jen wins the Quickfire he says something like 'oh yeah...go lesbians.' And I just thought...wow - where are YOU in this loss? He just blames everyone else and opines about butternut Squash soup and how he's too nice and this and that, but when he loses on his own merits it's, "Oh...yeah...go lesbians." And him and Marc in the tub? The worst hot tub reality show scene ever. OH AND HE DID ROCK THE FEDORA. IN THE TUB. FYI.

Judges Table
The winners will be chosen by the comment cards from the fans. So they chose:
Antonia
Dale
Stephanie (again)

And then the judges choose DALE as the winner. Awesome. And he gets an adorable little jersey and the grill he cooked on today at the tailgate party.

The bottom three:
Marc
Nikki
Ryan

Nikki tries to say that it's because she ran out of shit at the end before the judges tried her stuff (wtf?!?!) that was why she's in the bottom three. And they were all...uh, the fans voted you here. Uhhhh. And then the not making her own sausage thing...Yeah, Fran Drescher, Corey Hart? Outta here.

Marc is weird and stoned and a mess. His whole thing is a mess. He's a mess. His food was a mess. His station was a mess. Apparently while he was serving he tasted with his spoon, put it back in the batch and ladled it right out. For the judges.

Nasty.

And the Ryan. Poor I'm Ridiculously Handsome Ryan and his Nervous Talking Thing. Just on and on and on....(that was the one thing I liked about Nikki, she was all...He never shuts up.)

*Here's the thing. You can keep your sensibility of how you like making food - whether it's Asian, gastrophysics or whatever or California Flair (as Ryan put it). But, it comes down to skill. How do you take your signature and gage your audience as well. You're tailgating. For Bears fans. Don't make a poached pear. And then - don't get all huffy. Which I saw a lot of this episode. It really started with Zoi - when she's all, "if that's what they like then I don't want to be here" kind of thing. It's that entitled arrogance of believing you have nothing else to learn.

And in the end - it got Ryan sent home.

It was actually quite touching - and he was oddly poetic when he said that the experience was humbling and that he learned that "I'm not the shit." That's kind of an amazingly esoteric concept (for him) to grasp.

Maybe it's all that California Flair.

Happy pub day, Megan! by Lauren

2008-04-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

Megan's new book is out today. Congratulations, Megan!

Top Chef Five by Liza

2008-04-09T20:22:00.000-07:00

This is the week that changed my perception - I thought I knew who I liked in this competition - and who I disliked - and this episode totally turned everything around.

I still loathe Spike - more than ever - his douchebaggery multiplied this episode - how is that even possible, you ask? I don't have the answer.

Quickfire challenge was with Ming Tsai and it focused on the palate. The chefs were brought in one by one, blindfolded and then asked to choose the more expensive choice of the two foods put before them. Things like caviar, sake, butter, olive oil, pork...you get the idea. Out of fifteen choices, Stephanie came in last with only six right. I'm Ridiculously Handsome Ryan and GirlFauxhawk Jen came in second with eleven out of fifteen and Antonia came in first with twelve out of fifteen. So, she earned immunity.

Elimination Challenge was to cater the first course in the Meals on Wheels celebrity Chef Ball. They would be serving eighty people. They pull knives for teams (the teams are all elements: Fire, Water, Air and Water...these are also going to dictate what they choose to make) The teams break down to Fire: Stephanie, Dale and Lisa. Water: Richard, KiwiMarc and AddAndrew. Air: It'sNotMyFaultNikki, I'm Ridiculously Handsome Ryan and GirlFauxhawk Jen. Earth: ImmunityAntonia, Zoi and Spike. Ugh.

The teams break off and have fifteen minutes to figure their dish out. And immediately the personalities come out - but since we really don't know some of the chefs, I'm shocked to learn that I really don't like that Lisa. And she was in a team with Dale, for crissakes. She's that type of person who just puts down every suggestion, but never offers up a solution of her own. Dale and Stephanie were leaning towards a beef dish, Lisa bitched and moaned, so Stephanie suggested prawns...which Lisa was okay with. I mean, it's one thing to not like a suggested dish, but it's another to not even offer up an alternative.

Which brings me to the Earth team - Antonia was the lead on this - and true, she had immunity, so the other two should have been a little more pro-active, but they're not. Spike wanted to do a butternut Squash soup and the other two thought it better to do a carpaccio. This decision would come back to haunt them.

Water decided to do a salmon made some weird way (a way that none of the judges liked - said it was mushy) and a salad and a parsnip puree thing that no one really knew what to do with.

Air decided to do a duck thing - because ducks are...in the air? I don't know. Still don't know.

ADDAndrew is really growing on me. I totally like that he can be on a team, he can be on his own, he can follow, he can lead...he has no ego, except to put out good food. Richard was in charge of the salmon and it was Andrew who was all...uh, there's scales on all these...so, what's up? Richard, of course, didn't listen.

Cut to: Ming Tsai pulling scales from his mouth at the charity ball. Not good.

The Fire team's dish goes over well - and there's a cut to Nancy Silverton who runs the Campanile restaurant here in LA, as well as Mozza with Mario Batali...both sooooo good. She likes the dish...this is good.

Earth is just blah...but I do like seeing that Ryan, once again, with the earnestness...when he's giving the dishes to the servers, he's the only one on his team who really engages the servers and calling one of them 'dear' - I don't know, he's almost too nerdy to be mad at half the time. I think I've decided that I'm liking him...he's totally harmless. And he was also the target of one of Nikki's ridiculous statements...Ryan screwed up something with the drink thing that they were doing, so he said shit or something. So, Nikki puts on that condescending librarian voice and comes up with some solution and then adds, "When you swear, you draw attention to yourself." No shit.

And then Earth - Zoi with the bland mushrooms and Spike with the bitching and moaning about how he shouldn't have taken a backseat - this coming from the guy who led Manuel to a cliff with his Good Morning, Vietnam spring rolls and then gave him a push.

Judges Table
Fire wins it - with Lisa finishing first and getting some bananas trip to Italy. Dale is bitter - as he should be. I don't know - I really started to like Dale in this episode...I mean, he's an asshole, but even he was like...damn, Lisa take it down a notch as she was blustering about the kitchen tossing shit and yelling at everyone. And even at the end of everything, Lisa was all, 'hey let's burn the fire sign.' Ugh, lame. But, Dale rolled his eyes, but then went over and got the sign for Lisa to burn. I don't know...he was far less malicious than Lisa - an asshole to be sure, but passive-aggressive and weird? No.

I also can't help but notice, yet again, that Stephanie was on the winning team. She did the prawns, the main component, and yet didn't win. She is by far my favorite...just constantly turning out good, solid (and winning) food.

Earth and Water are brought back as the two lowest scoring teams - with Earth being the lowest for the diners who got to fill out comment cards.

Immediately the salmon is brought up - the scales, the mushy texture, but Andrew's salad is heralded and Marc's parsnip whatever continues to confound people. But, the Water team is safe.

The Judges then turn to Earth and realize that Antonia, despite having immunity, led the team. The judges say that a soup would have been a great idea - but then say, that that team isn't at the bottom for making carpaccio, they're in the bottom because they made a BAD carpaccio. Spike does his little mumbling thing where he disses people under his breath...ugh, I began to question if I could be as violently enraged at a REALITY SHOW contestant. Yes. Yes, I can.

In the end, Zoi is sent home...which I'm totally comfortable with. She was whiny and was all...'competition isn't for me, I just want to cook." And I thought...uh, then why are you on a COOKING SHOW?!?!?

But, after she left was when the shit went down. Spike starts talking shit to Antonia, who totally holds her own. He says they should have done a soup, blahblahblah and Antonia just keeps repeating, "Stand behind your dish..." while pouring proseco for herself (i feel you).

And then that's when Jen (Zoi's girlfriend) says that he sold his teammate down the river, to which he so gentlemanly replies, "So the fuck what." Awesome. And that's when Jen has to be physically held back from clawing his eyes out.

But this is when it gets good. Dale steps in and says the wrong person went home -adorable. Defending Zoi. And LISA says some shitty thing, that no one can really hear, about whoever went home deserved to go home...and that's where Dale GOES.OFF. Saying stuff about her just being negative and moaning about shit...and Lisa? Yeah, she doesn't say shit. I totally sided with Dale on that one. Totally. You know that was the Not Going to Italy Anger talking. As it would.

WTF, right?!?!?

Walk Faster, Please, No Matter How Famous You Are by Megan

2008-04-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Liza and I were in a car, going north through Beverly Hills toward Sunset Boulevard. As we drove down this one street, we saw a crossing guard out in a crosswalk. This in itself was not strange, as there was a school directly to his right. What was strange was the fact that no one was actually crossing the street. Yet he stood there, hand and stop sign in the air, as if a parade of children was marching before him. We got closer, and I noticed that there was not only no parade, but no traffic. It was just us-- and the crossing guard's back was to us. The hell?

Then we noticed that there was a couple off to the left on the sidewalk, not even really approaching the crosswalk. Yet the crossing guard was, apparently, anticipating their desire to cross the (entirely empty, except for us, and we were now at a standstill) street?

Slowly, slooooooooooowly, the couple condescended to step off the sidewalk and into the street.

"Take your time," Liza muttered, annoyed. The crossing guard stood at attention.

I looked at the woman, and then I stared at the cadaverous creature who walked ever so casually and not at all rapidly across the street at her side, mere feet in front of Liza's dashboard. He sported True Religion jeans and a black leather jacket. His hair was perfectly coiffed and impervious to weather.

"Of course," I said, "that's Larry King."

And it was. Just... out for a walk, and apparently a figure of reverence for the poor crossing guard, who stood out there for about fifteen minutes, just for Larry.

This is why we love LA.

(Next time, let it be Gerard....)

Go Jayhawks! (by Liza)

2008-04-07T23:27:00.000-07:00

Having written an entire book around a former Jayhawk (Daniel Sullivan from Seeing Me Naked) - I am ashamed that I chose UCLA and North Carolina for the finals of March Madness. Although I came in THIRD in my little basketball pool, I must say I am proud of my fictional character's team.

So, in honor of my favorite Jayhawk...here's my (late-ish) Monday Music...
(T-Minus a day and a halfish til TOP CHEF!!!)

Daniel - Elton John
(it's cut off a bit in the beginning, but I wanted a version from the 70's and not from his recent concerts. He just...he sings it differently now - and I'm just partial to the old (right) way. Echem.)

I actually had this song in the novel in the early drafts. Will toyed with Daniel by asking if Spain was pretty, because he'd never been. I mean, he should know...he's been there enough. (needless to say it didn't make the cut into the final draft...I thought it was HILARIOUS)

Gym eccentrics by Lauren

2008-04-05T06:08:00.000-07:00

This is my gym.

I have been climbing the elliptical trainer here for a year.

I have an odd relationship with working out. I tend to do it religiously, obsessively, for two years. Then, one day, I'll think, "Ho hum. I'm tired. Maybe I'll skip the gym today." So I skip it--for the next two years. Until, one day of my slothdom, I think, "Hmm. I could use some exercise." And, lo, the cycle begins anew.

I love my current gym because I am the hottest chick there--only because I am the youngest chick, by a good thirty or forty years. I also love watching the vibrant older people who work out when I do. I love the cardiac rehabilitation group that comes in in the mornings--the stooped gentleman with the toned calves who always wears the same t-shirt. It says, "Cardiac Rehab 20 Years." I love that this man survived a heart attack two decades ago and is still around to come to the gym. I love the lady who wears secret, beaded Bo Derek braids interwoven through her otherwise demure bob. It gives me hope that when I am in my 80s, I'll be up and around, with a slogan t-shirt and a fierce hairdo.

I am fascinated by Toothpick Lady, who wears layers of heavy sweatclothes and rotates for hours, it seems, among various cardio machines--how much thinner could she possibly want to be? I wonder how Novel Lady manages to read a hardback tome while doing crunches. I avoid working out to the gorgeous young guy with the brown hair. I made this mistake once. Only once. Stinky Man apparently never bathes.

I suspect I seem equally cuckoo. They probably think of me as Bandanna Lady because of my (dorky) bandanna sweatband, or Coffee Lady because I always bring a cup of coffee onto the elliptical trainer, and put the cup in the holder where a water bottle should go. They probably avoid working out next to me because I like to watch whatever's on their TV screen instead of what's on mine. For all I know I sing along to my iPod.

Check back with me in 40 years.

Step It Up and Be Awesome is More Like It (by Liza)

2008-04-04T00:31:00.001-07:00

(this picture is an homage to my March Madness team choice - UCLA all the way!!!)

I am the master negotiator when it comes to TV versus writing. I write all day - I earn a certain amount of time on the couch. Of course this equation also involves dishes, dog fur on the hardwood floors (an awesome characteristic to any apartment until you realize that you can see every little thing that gathers on its glistening planks), emails, phone calls, work outs, dog walks and various and sundry errands. This usually works out to Top Chef, John Adams, The Office, The Mighty Boosh, Flight of the Conchords and maybe some Barefoot Contessas. It's a spartan watching schedule, but it keeps me hungry...a little television feral. Like a wolverine.

When I earned an extra hour tonight - I found myself watching Step It Up and Dance - the new dance show on Bravo. A) I love me some Bravo B) I love me some dance shows (as referenced by my long time love of So You Think You Can Dance C) I had just brewed a nice cup of Mighty Leaf Green Tea Tropical and galdernet I wanted to languidly sip it. D) I like to think that from the ridiculous amount of writing my brain is turned moderately mushy hence the low-bar TV choices. E) I do watch Charlie Rose...I swear.

Ummm....that show is awesome. I'm hooked.

(IS ANYONE ELSE WATCHING?!)

Top Chef Four by Liza

2008-04-03T00:26:00.000-07:00

This week's episode started in a very somber way - given that Erik was voted off last week...everyone is feeling his absence. Of course it quickly morphs into competition mode, but it still kind of sucks that he's gone.

And I notice that Spike is wearing yet another fedora. Is he from Chicago? Because how does one pack 109 fedoras for a plane ride? Nope, says he's from Florida and now resides in Williamsburg. So, he had to pack all those fedoras beforehand and then be all, "I'm going to be fedora dude." Enough...obviously I'm a tad frustrated. (I thought this was going to be the week he was voted off, by the way....we were close, people. Close.)

The Quickfire is with Chef Daniel Boulud and he says that the challenge today is going to center around knife skills. He announces that he has already worked with two of the chefs, "I'm Ridiculously Handsome yet Earnest" Ryan and American Idol Stylist Richard Fauxhawk. Ryan confesses that Chef Boulud was not his cup of tea. Daniel Boulud is a legend in French cooking. When I was doing my research for Seeing Me Naked - his name came up and up and up and up...and it was by learning about him that I first knew to go to Lyon for Elisabeth's training. Apparently this Cafe Myth in San Francisco is a fusion of French and California...so, different strokes, I suppose.

In the end, Chef Boulud likes Zoi, Dale and Richard's plates and dislikes Nikki (what a shock), Lisa and Memo's offerings. I realize that I'm starting to like each episode a little more, just because of the lessening of contestants - they're so unwieldy in the beginning - too many notes. <--what's that from? (Amadeus - does anyone else play the "What's that from?" game?) In the end, Chef Boulud gives Dale the win and immunity...and I totally see why...his plate was gorgeous. And I wasn't really following the contestants who tried to rebuke the legitimacy of the challenge by saying that they aren't of Chef Boulud's school - what? You don't CUT your food?!?! I'm all for alternative paths to success, but there is a time and a place to take responsibility for your performance - and not blame the practice of cutting food as to why you didn't finish first.

So the Elimination Challenge was to cater a dinner for twelve for Richard Roeper - the same Richard Roeper famous for this gem of a quote in response to those Dove ads of regular sized women, "But the raw truth is, I find these Dove ads a little unsettling. If I want to see plump gals baring too much skin, I'll go to Taste of Chicago, OK? I'll walk down Michigan Avenue or go to Navy Pier. When we're talking women in their underwear on billboards outside my living room windows, give me the fantasy babes, please." Needless to say, I'm not a fan. Bit, I digress - the contestants were to choose their favorite movie and then plan a dish around that film. Chef Boulud says he would chose Casablanca, so his dish would be Moroccan inspired.

The contestants pair off - Richard, Andrew and Dale (who got to choose who to be with) are the first course. They choose Willy Wonka and do a beautiful salmon dish with a white chocolate, wasabi, celery root thing. Andrew absolutely alienates himself by trying to suggest they be Oopma Loompas as they serve the dish. It's a flat joke that goes on for far too long, once again Andrew doesn't pick up on any social cues. Talented as hell, but god love him. Richard is now grating on my reserve nerve. Second course is Spike and Memo with Good Morning, Vietnam. They did a summer roll with some swiss chard on the side. Not good. The Third course is Nikki and Jennifer with Il Postino and like Spike and Memo, I think this pair wanted to make a certain kind of food and picked the movie after. They made this tortellini thing that wasn't horrible, but I mean, you have Italy at your fingertips and you make tortellini? It just wasn't inventive or new or anything...just an Italian staple done really well. The fourth course is Marc and Ryan with the ode to The Christmas Story - the whole turkey gets burnt and the family has to go to a Chinese restaurant - so they did a duck with an egg roll. Really cute idea, but watching these two gentlemen come up with a movie was painful. Ryan is just not that bright, but you know...he pulled it out in the end and did a great job. The Fifth Course was Zoi and Antonia's rack of lamb with the movie Talk to Her. They did this whole speech about passionate women and color and vibrancy and blahblahblah and then they shot the lamb and it was....feh. The Sixth Course was Lisa and Stephanie with Top Secret and the whole cow scene - so they did a New York Strip steak and a braised short rib with a caramel sauce. Super good.

I immediately am nervous for the Vietnamese dish - it just didn't go over well. And I just wasn't impressed with the Italian dish either. I think the first course did well and Ryan and Marc survived...I'm thinking.

In the Waiting Room for the Judges Table, it just became this weird beat down of Richard's crew - and yes, they're pretentious, but I just don't think that the judges would keep advancing people for pretension alone. It just smacked of sour grapes - Zoi, especially. Leading the charge to bag on people - who were sitting right there, by the way - and they didn't say anything. It could have gotten so much uglier, but Richard et al, are these kinda dorkier guys (save Dale) who aren't about to start shit. And it was creepy and bullyish and the whole, "if that's the kind of stuff they want...then see ya!" Uh, yeah, Zoi? I believe they're breaking up with you first. Just fyi.

The top two teams are Stephanie/Lisa with their Top Secret dish and Richard/Dale/Andrew with their Willy Wonka dish. In the end Willy Wonka wins...which is nice. I like that the quieter, kind of dorkier, at times gratingly annoying kids keep winning. I'm totally rooting for Stephanie. Love. Her.

The bottom teams are Zoi/Antonia with their luke warm rack of lamb and Spike/Memo with their summer rolls. Zoi finally admits that what she spoke about was not what was on the plate - and she tries to get up in Tom's face about it being about taste and not about color - and he's all - uh, then don't talk about color. She finally was like...uh, okay, maybe you're right. But, Tom says they're safe, that while the dish wasn't all it was cracked up to be, it was a good dish.

Once again, Spike is in the bottom and once again it's someone else that goes home. Memo is asked to pack his knives and go. And I just...he was so genuinely lovely. I really would have liked to have seen where he would have gone in all this.

Next week looks off the hook, right?!?!

What did you guys think? Did the right person go home?!

Doin' the New York thang by Kim

2008-03-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

just back from nyc with the fam. i mean, the CLAN (husband, 4-year-old daughter, 1-year-old son, my mom and dad, my pregnant sister). stayed at my brother's apartment in tribeca (where he lives like a king courtesy of his friend tony, who seems to have figured out both gainful employment and compensation, and floats my brother on the basis of his sunny personality, nose for great salsa and amenable mini schnauzer, jake the snake.)

which is not to say it's ideal cramming a family of four into a single room, even if you do set up the baby's crib in the closet. it was amusing to visit the lower east side tenement museum -- highly recommend -- and see how my people's circumstances have hardly changed in the 100 years since my ancestors stumbled out of the pale of settlement and onto delancey street. okay, so i don't wear a wig and my husband has no payess (admittedly, that would be weird, given he's half italian), but still...the similarities are striking.

since this is a blog by writers and people who love top chef, i will focus on writerly matters and food (not unrelated). i mean, do you really want to hear about how my dad -- who's from the bronx, for chrissake -- sort of got run over by a taxi (his umbrella definitely got run over) and wore a bulgarian babushka the whole time to stay warm? and carried a man-purse? no, you don't, not really.

so, writerly matters.

i will start out by saying that i have published two books, with another forthcoming, but i have not sold many. my byline is known to few. i am still dogged by the terror of officially being deemed a failure by the publishing gods and having to work for The Man again in some (lame) capacity. i am still struggling with finding a publisher to call home. it's all part of the game, you see. that said, the prospect of seeing my literary agent in person for the first time in six years, and meeting my editor for the first time, filled me with anticipation (and anxiety).

my agent is a great person. she is fierce and maternal and fiercely maternal. she is funny as hell and neurotic in that way only the smartest LA-NYC hybrids can be. i just wish i was one of her success stories instead of the person whose ARCs litter her shelves. anyway, she -- get this -- took my entire clan out to lunch at one of those little neighborhood italian places that are so deeply good in nyc. half of us were on jenny craig or weight watchers, but that didn't stop us from tearing into piles of calamari, bread, pasta, chicken thingies and a dessert tray to die for like we had just been defrosted from cryogenic chambers after 100 years of stasis. even the waiters were impressed. i managed to survive the family-on-agent contact for several hours before my dad starting punning. agent managed to impart to me that i needed to get moving on my new book, get a hardcover deal, get a movie deal and come up with bank to buy a private publicist. my mom tried to photograph all of us, but agent resisted, perhaps due to intimate quarters and annoyed stares of fellow diners. mom sulked.

so, food. weight watchers definitely an inhibiting factor, but did my best for the local economy: delicious fish and wine at pearl's oyster bar, an israeli hummus place in the village that was seriously all hummus all the time, vietnamese noodle bowls...the list goes on. oh, the pleasure of a street stand nyc hot dog (or two -- not many points left after that, i can tell you).

oh, the piece de resistance: meeting my second cousins for the first time in great neck, long island. can we talk about long island for a second? i guess as a native californian, i'd always thought the accent was, you know, an affectation. how wrong i was! and what a balls-out accent it is! we arrived by train just as all the observant jewish folk of great neck were walking to shul on saturday. feeling like the shabbes goy, i skulked behind the mighty tinted windows of my 1st cousin once removed's second husband's mercedes and watched parades of families go by. the women wore fur coats (!). the girls wore tights. the husbands didn't look like they wanted to rush home for the hockey match. it was a revelation. here's what was waiting for us on the buffet when we arrived: baked fried chicken (no skin), baked ziti, three salads, meatballs, brownies, cake, fruit plate, cheese, tiramisu...i'm forgetting about 12 platters. my cousins all have beautiful long dark shining hair, clear skin and eyes like does. their grandmother -- my grandma's sister -- had passed away unexpectedly a couple of months ago, so -- surprise -- they held an impromptu memorial during the reunion. it was actually very moving and quite interesting, hearing everyone compare notes on the stein sisters' -- three of them -- idiosyncracies. one of their surviving brothers was there, and when he wasn't sleeping he chimed in with charming stories from the tough days on orchard street. it was amusing to watch the young cousins' boyfriends -- one was british in the floppy-forelocked, good looking hugh grant vein, and the other was homegrown long island boy with serious accent, a great sense of humor and yen to watch that hockey game -- maintain expressions of Serious Respectful Interest in the proceedings for the better part of three hours. thankfully, i was able to get a few breaks by pleading diaper changes (not mine, kids, kids!).

anyway, new york always challenges me in some vital way, and not just, i think, because i'm a cali girl through and through.

Top Chef Three by Liza

2008-03-28T01:39:00.000-07:00

Before I get into the gut feeling I had about tonight, I have to make one thing clear.

Fedora = douche

Okay...we can proceed.

I'm starting to get the whole editing puzzle of Top Chef - figuring out that Lisa, Marc, Stephanie, Antonia and Memo aren't going anywhere, because they're just kind of in the background at this point. But, if Ryan, Erik and say Zoi are in the forefront...probably going to be a rough week for them. Why it wasn't a rough week for Nikki-I-Apparently-Can't-Make-Anything-Good-That-Transports" is beyond me.

So the opening shots are of the contestants in the Top Chef Manse. And we see that Shirtless (ha! I typed "shitless" - Freudian?)...Shirtless Spike still impersonates Borat. Borat - the modern day Austin Powers. Catch phrases that witless, ex-frat boys can parrot is not quite what Sasha Baron Cohen nor Mike Meyers quite had in mind. And yet...here we are.

The Quickfire this week is brought to us by Rick Bayless. The task is to re-define The Taco. Gage it for a more upscale audience.

And immediately we get several confessionals - DoucheSpike being, of course, one of them - about how the taco is this soul, street food and that to make it upscale is against ITS VERY NATURE!

In the end, Richard Fauxhawk wins with this jicama roll thing - that maybe tasted fresh and awesome, but in reality looked like a dangling finger. And the reward? Rick Bayless is going to steal the winning taco recipe. And that's a reward for whom, exactly? So, Richard Fauxhawk now has immunity. I've finally pegged what I find disconcerting about Richard. It's the...well...the fauxhawk. He has this farmboy (slightly long in the tooth) vibe going on - and the fauxhawk just ends up looking like one of those uncomfortable makeovers they do on American Idol or something. Some stylist somewhere in the green room holding a Hugo Boss suit and a t-shirt screaming about how Miami Vice is totally coming back. Trust her.

Richard's win is, of course, met with exasperation from Spike, who can't believe that he didn't win. DIDN'T RICK BAYLESS LISTEN TO HIMSELF WHEN HE EXALTED SPIKE'S TACO, Spike opines. It's hard to believe that someone is this douche-y, you know? I mean, he believes what he is saying hook, line and sinker and it's actually fascinating to watch. Is it false bravado? Is it the whole 'act as if' thing going on? Or is he just a tool? A fedora wearing tool. Well, now that's just redundant, isn't it?

Echem.

The contestants get in two teams - red and blue - and head out on a field trip. And there is a definite vibe to the two teams. It's so funny how high school basically follows you everywhere. Because those two teams were right out of a high school cafeteria. Blue were the quieter folks, while Red were the more outgoing (and more insecure - echem...Andrew...people who just want to be accepted).

The teams arrive in a basic Chicago suburb where Padma tells them that the Elimination Challenge for this week will be to cater a block party for 40 adults and 70 kids....USING THE INGREDIENTS SWIPED FROM THE SURROUNDING HOUSES!! Dun dun dun....

The teams set out - and I find myself actually warming to Ryan. He has this earnestness about him that blurs the whole I Think I'm Ridiculously Handsome vibe. He respected every house he entered and was kind of adorably awkward. He's not out of the woods, but right now everyone is being out-douched by Spike.

So, the Blue team decides to go a tad more upscale with their fare - there's a paella involved and Stephanie (my early fave!) does a great fresh fruit cobbler thing with a fried won ton cinnamon awesomeness. Nikki delivers this piece of shit macaroni and cheese which is as Rick Bayless put it, "a brick." Because she couldn't work with Velveeta? Wait. I mean, isn't Velveeta like the equivalent of a Cook it Yourself Cheese? It's not rocket science - the Velveeta. I mean, it almost sprouts little Velveeta legs and melts itself. I've heard. Antonia and Memo are solid with their dishes and just kind of cool characters. I'm liking them more and more.

The Red team - and I totally followed them on this - thinks that they should do the standard Americana fare. There are 70 kids, after all. So, they do sliders, corn dogs, pasta salad and Dale does this pork kebab thing that's head and shoulders above the rest. And I know what they were thinking. But - the food still has to be good. You can do a variation on the slider. Or a kick-ass side salad. I did love how Zoi was bummed that she had the chance of getting kicked off..."from a fucking pasta salad." I really like her - she's smart and funny...and I'm realizing rather quickly that smart, funny women are sooo completely underused on reality shows. Women are always the dumb asses (Beauty and the Geek, anyone? Millionaire Matchmaker? Real Housewives of Hellll? The Bachelor?) And I also like Zoi's relationship with Jennifer. Zoi's the passionate, loud mouth and Jennifer just kind of stands by, chewing her lip and looking worried.

The block party goes on and it doesn't take long for the Red team to finish serving and then they just start drinking beer and playing with the neighborhood kids, the dunk tank and so on. And when I say "they", I mean, Spike, Andrew and Ryan. But, it's not this playful thing - it's this forced adolescent play. You know, like when you're out somewhere and there's a pack of teen aged kids and it's almost like there's an unspoken contest for who can be the loudest and most forced - who can look like they're having the most fun therefore can't be fucking miserable? Yeah, it was like that.

In the end, the Judges call in The Blue Team and announce that Stephanie is the winner of the challenge with her fruit cobbler, cinnamon thing. And that dish is basically the dish that won it for them. Tom C then asks Richard if he knows what a paella is - and then jacks him for really making a rice pilaf. Youch.

The Red Team comes in. And I...I can't possibly express how bananas they go when they realize they've lost. And, once again, when I say "they" I mean, Spike, Andrew and Ryan. Ryan's more earnest about it - and maybe a tad dim - but he's genuinely confused. Then Spike goes on this whole (fedora wearing) diatribe about how they did everything right, they were feeding the neighborhood and the judges are snobby and he's confused and blahblahblah. Ted Allen interjects with a great response and the best part was when Spike decrees that he thinks they rocked it or whatever and Padma responds, "You didn't." Awesome.

And then Andrew goes off on this kind of scary tangent about that Top Chef is "his house" and security guards are going to have to drag him out and not leaving and I know that he's passionate and all, but there's this fine line between competitive and restraining order that he might want to look into. It's actually painful to watch Andrew sometimes. You totally get that he was that dorky kid all throughout school who never quite fit it, was always just a bit too hyper and never really learned how to control his impulses - impulses which should be, at the very least, reigned in.

It broke my heart, but Erik was asked to pack his knives and go. I felt it. And I have to say, I'm actually relieved. I really liked Erik and I was so stressed out that he was going to cut, that I wasn't enjoying the show really. So, now I can sit back and not worry.

He's back soul-cooking in San Francisco. And more power to him.

My Television Hates Me by Liza

2008-03-27T01:36:00.000-07:00

Yep. No Top Chef. But! It said it would record tomorrow. So, I'm not going to click over to Kwana's page and read her recap...nope. I'm going to patiently wait until tomorrow night and then just blog then. I'm sure it'll be fine.

I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

The Art of French Kissing Comes to LA! (By Liza and kinda Megan and really about Kristin...)

2008-03-26T01:11:00.001-07:00

This is the ginormous crowd gathered at L.A.'s Geisha House for the one and only Kristin Harmel and her amazing book, The Art of French Kissing. As you can see Megan and I were moodily lurking in the back - and if you look carefully, that's Kristin on stage in white with a bullhorn so she could properly speak to all of her adoring fans.

The event was amazing. One of those nights. Kristin definitely knows how to throw a party - and the evening was helped by the presence of Amy Tangerine - the most talented designer selling her incredible shirts, bags.

I know it sounds as if I'm going overboard and everything is amazing and everyone is talented and blahblahblah. But, you know how every once in a while you kinda look around at the people in your life and it just hits you how ridiculously cool they all are? And how you're kinda in love with your life and maybe want to make out with it a little? The realization always hits in these little moments of time. That was me tonight. I was driving through Silverlake, windows open, perfect breeze, a mug of Earl Grey tea and Ryan Adams on the iPod (his album, Easy Tiger, is getting me through my infernal music rut)and it just hit me how excited I was about the night ahead of me. How excited I was to see Kristin and support her incredible book - I mean, it's pretty cool to know and get to be around people that talented, you know? Am I gushing? Is it annoying? Okay...I'll stop.

I have to rest up. We're on Top Chef countdown, you know....

Monday Music by Liza

2008-03-23T22:57:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter!

I did my yearly pilgrimage up the coast and felt my music lacked a certain passion that I needed. I'm in a rut. I thought I'd remedied this with my Download o'the Century whilst sick with the Death Flu. And while it did ease a bit - I just feel a little musically unsettled. This is normal.

However, I found a couple of songs hit the spot perfectly. Classics, if you will.

Have a great Monday and I hope these songs ease the pain of another week at work...a week with far less egg shaped candy than I'm really comfortable with.

California Love - Dr. Dre/Tupac
(Pasadena? Where you at?)
(oh...and this is one of those long versions...so just skip to 1.19)

Dave Matthews Band - Where are You Going?
(something about this song makes me pensive, but hopefully dreamy)

Have a great week! See you all again on Wednesday -TOP CHEF!!

Top Chef Two, by Liza

2008-03-19T23:40:00.000-07:00

I found myself feeling giddy today - even though there's something in the air today, something weird (am I the only one who feels it? Like people are more...emotional, somehow?)...And I realized that it was that feeling...that Project Runway Feeling. Looking forward to tonight and finding that I was invested in the Top Chef. This hasn't really happened since Season One.

I find myself liking this group of contestants. All the women are strong and I like that the producers are casting real, talented women and not bowing down to the whole reality tv thing where the only women apparently available want to be set up with millionaires and/or are already desperate and married to said millionaires in either Orange County or New York.

Okay - the episode started out with the Quickfire challenge. The chefs were taken to a Farmer's Market and told that they had to make something with just 5 ingredients. That's it. 5. And I'm all...uh, I can make something with two. Penne and sauce. Two. Here I go again - cereal and milk. Two. I should go on Top Chef, for real. So, they ramble through the farmer's market as if they've never been to a farmer's market before and don't understand that each little tent essentially has the same shit. It's not like they're going to turn a corner and see a tent filled with Wonka Bars (wouldn't that be awesome?). And Kiwi Marc is hurrying up all the vendors which equals them slowing waaaay down and then being kind of pissed - and I like how every time they showed him being all bananas there would be another Top Chef contestant just like chilling there, waiting patiently and then being served. NO problem. And he's all....hurry it up, mate this and I'm in a hurry, mate that. So, in the end he forgot a bag of some kind of fancy lettuce. Shows to go you...

So, the guest judge this week is Wiley Dufresne - whom I kind of have a crush on. So much so, that I put his restaurant wd-50 in Seeing Me Naked (it's where Rascal and Elisabeth go to dinner when they're in New York). He's one of those Marcel-y, molecular gastronomy kind of chefs where gadgets and foam are king. Like Richard (Faux-hawk boy) would believe himself to be.

So the Quickfire goes off and everyone's running around with their 5 ingredients and even with only 5 ingredients, I still didn't understand half the shit these people were cooking. In the end - Kiwi Marc wins with something with a turnip and was it a peach or an orange? And some kind of meat and butter. He replaced the misplaced lettuce with the butter - always a good trade, if you ask me. So, he's now immune. I'm liking Kiwi Marc, but there's just something about him that keeps me off balance, you know? Like at any point, he's just going to cook some ass stuff and be eliminated. He just doesn't seem clear headed.

So, on we go to the Elimination Challenge: The chefs are to cater a party for 200 people at the zoo. They each choose a knife with the words: Bear, Vulture, Penguin, Lion and Gorilla on it. These are the animals whose diets their appetizers must reflect.

The chefs head out to Whole Foods and I am immediately reminded why I loathe that Spike dude. He drops some kind of fruit on the floor and walks away from it. Lisa comes running down the aisle, slips on the fruit and Spike smiles as he turns around and sees that she's fallen. Now, I know in his mind he's all, "I'm here to play the game, bitches!" But, the truth is - you're a lazy ass and didn't pick up your shit. And where I come from that's not called playing the game, SPIKE, that's called being an asshole. But, that's cool. You go ahead and "play the game" back at your bedroom that I know you still keep at your parents' house.

Right away, the Gorilla group has got problems. It's Stephanie (the awesome winner of last week), Valerie (blah) and Antonia (whom I really like). They decide to do a black olive blini, some kind of celery chip and crab salad, a banana cake and something else. The blini looks nasty and the chips are not getting crisp. And they turned a vegetarian animal into a meat eater, which I kinda thought sucked.

The Penguin group (ADDAndrew, Lisa and Jennifer) work great together. Just tons of energy, no real leader just a common vision, and they have a sense of fun about them. They made a yuzu glacier, a thai crab salad and a squid, tapioca thing.

The Lion group (FauxHawk Richard, Erik and I'm Handsome Ryan) were in charge on cooking up the All Meat, All the Time menu...this is a lion afterall. So, they did a bison tartare, something with beets and a chicken whatever. And of course Richard brought out all of his toys...and it just looked...I don't know - unnecessary. Erik wasn't having any of it. he said, "I'm more of a soul cook." I'll let him slide on that because a) he's from San Francisco b) I kinda like him.

The Vulture Group (Marc, Zoi and Manuel) definitely came from behind. I don't think anyone thought they had a chance. I mean...VULTURE?! But, they made an anchovy quinoa cake thing, a lamb meatball and a chicken sate thing. And they were just this mellow little unit that just seemed very zen and focused. No real leader, just mutual respect and trust.

And then the Bear group (Dale, Nikki and Spike). This group was just doomed. Dale tried to be the supreme leader, Nikki was weird about making everything look pretty - even her little turd mushrooms - and Spike was just being a petty shithead throughout the whole thing. Not good.

In the end, little ADDAndrew won with his Squid dish - and it was kind of adorable how childlike he was/is. He is just unable to mask any emotion and maybe it's my problem that I want him to, you know? In the Quickfire challenge, when Wiley Dufresne said that he liked his dish, he literally gasped and giggled like a little kid. I think it was right then that I started to pull for him. Yes, he's hyper and a little all over the place, but there's an authenticity to him that's really lovely.

The final bottom three were Nikki and her turdmushrooms, Stephanie and her crab salad and Valerie and her BlahBlinis. And even after Dale threw Nikki under the bus, the judges decided to send Valerie home. Which I totally get. She had no presence at all. First SullenNimma and now BlahValerie. The judges are doing well, I think.

Next week looks good as the clip shows us that Zoi tells someone to "can it." Why don't I say "can it" more? I mean...it's kind of magical, right?

(and is anyone else obsessed with the John Adams mini-series?! Or is it just me?!?!)

Monday Music by Liza

2008-03-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

I was reminded over the weekend that I have sorely neglected one of my all time favorite bands. In a lovely banquet hall, candle lit beauty and Between the Sheets by the Isley Brothers comes floating over everyone.

And I remembered the first time I heard the Isleys - same scenario, but this time the dance floor was empty and this song came on. And there were these little twinkle lights everywhere and I couldn't help but move. This song has an otherworldliness to it that just makes you slow down and bob your head.

For the Love of You - The Isleys

The other song for this week is another classic. I went on this whole old school bender when I had that damn Death Flu. I remember clearly discovering this album in school and while it's commercial success is obvious - I think if you give this album another listen you'll realize like I did how freaking bananas it is.

Lust to Love - The Go-Gos

Top Chef Rundown by Liza

2008-03-13T00:15:00.000-07:00

The entire satellite cadre was against me tonight. My cable went out for the 7PM showing of Top Chef, then I was watching at 10 and then 11, both went out again. Then finally I watched the end of the 11 showing and the beginning of the 12AM showing. For fuck's sake.

Speaking of 'for fuck's sake' - the language this season is remarkably bad, right? I mean, I can totally get behind it (obviously...or should I say fucking obviously) but it just seems like there are a lot more bleeps. I have a really good feeling about this season.

Okay - so everyone starts arriving to this little pizza place in Chicago. Ryan - the "dense" (according to Rocco DiSpirito) little frat boy who thinks he's ridiculously handsome. Uh.

Sidebar - I thought it was super interesting to watch the devolution of everyone from the cocky beginnings to the sweaty messes they became not one challenge later. Ryan being a prime example of this...

Nimma - or as I like to call her Sullen-nimma - arrived from Atlanta. And she just never really came out of the monotoned sad girl. And a cauliflower custard? Really? She was also one of two competitors who didn't deign to hang out with anyone else the first night. How'd that work out for you, Nimma? (are you getting that she was the one who was asked to pack her knives yet?!?!)

Zoi from San Francisco arrived - wearing some awesome necklaces - and we come to find out is half of a couple. And they didn't know the other was going to be there...

Marc from New Zealand is adorable and reminds me of the Flight of the Conchords boys. (he was also one of the people who devolved into a sweaty mess in the end)

Richard Blaise reminded me too much of Richard Blade (from 1980's KROQ fame). He rocks the mohawk - and did a peach pizza. Which worked.

Jennifer is the other half of the Zoi couple. They outted themselves at the pizza parlor and were met with this bizarre combination of gasps and disbelief. It was weird. It was like they announced they were serial killers or something. What year is it?!?!

Erik from San Francisco comes off as this scary guy, but turned out to be this soft spoken awesome guy.

Andrew is the loose cannon this season. Total hyper active, borderline Tourette-ish kind of guy. And is into paranoia, combined with this entitled hero complex thing. Which is not a rarity in this kitchen, oddly. What I also noticed is that Andrew was all big talk in his confessionals - he'd be all, "fuck this and fuck that guy and he can suck it and everyone is ass!' and then the clip would be him shaking the guy's hand and saying "hey!". Yeah, you are a BAD ASS.

Stephanie is one of my early favorites. She's genuine and has the good sense to be nervous as hell. She won the elimination challenge with her duck a l'orange and I loved that she did. Adorable.

Spike is trying really hard to be this season's Sam. But, I don't think Sam ever rocked a WICKER BASEBALL CAP, son. So you can try to be as fine as you want, but in the end you're the guy that wore my grandmother's patio furniture on your head.

I like Antonia a lot. She seems like a bad ass - grounded and competent. I see her going far.

Manuel, Valerie and Nikki all seemed okay - but not earth shattering. And Dale just seemed like a mean spirited asshole. Like for no reason. Whatevs...DALE.

I think I'm going to call Antonia, Richard and maybe Stephanie going to the end. But it could go to asshole Dale, too. I liked the clips from the season where they're all telling each other to fuck off.

My kind of show.

(how awesome was Rocco DiSpirito and Anthony Bourdain?!?!)

--I'll do a more play by play next time, but I thought I'd focus on the contestants this time. And the swearing. And that it seems like a good season, right? Like it's a bunch of bar room brawlers who are talented as hell. There's no real stand out, yet and there's no real obvious contestants who are going home. The only one this week was Sullen-Nimma - and she's gone. Next week? Dense Ryan.

What did you guys think?!?!?!?

Monday Music by Liza

2008-03-10T19:03:00.001-07:00

I'm changing things up a bit. I think we need a boost of good music on Monday not Friday. Shit, on Friday -who needs music? We've got the weekend?!?!? Who has "Working for the Weekend" stuck in their head right now by Loverboy? No one? Okay - how 'bout now.

I took a beautiful drive up the coast yesterday after spending far too much time on a playlist for just such an occasion. I downloaded far too many songs and spent far too much money. This song was recommended by a friend - and it's one of those songs I know, but didn't. And then I promptly downloaded all of their music because I DIDN"T HAVE IT?!??! How did that happen? This cut was taken off their gigantic hit album, Rumours. This cut didn't make it. Shows you how insanely bananas that Rumours album is.

Fleetwood Mac - Silver SpringsThe lyrics are some of the best out there. The bridge at 2.36 sends chills up my spine..."I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me"...are you kidding me?!?!?! Brilliant.

I'm also obsessed with the soundtrack of Once right now. This song winning at the Oscars meant that all's right with the world in at least one place.

This version is by The Frames - which was Glen Hansard's band before he went solo or went duet.

Falling Slowly - The Frames
(the first break at .47 is unbelievable. Beautiful.)

Have a great Monday night...let's get through this week together.

"How to Get a Literary Agent" by Lauren

2008-03-07T14:05:00.000-08:00

Hello aspiring writers in the New York Area! I will be teaching a Mediabistro seminar on Wednesday, April 16, from 6:30 to 9:30 p.m. The class will (with luck) demystify the process of finding an agent.

Here's a description of the course from Mediabistro.com:

Aspiring authors often spend as much time worrying about getting representation as they do writing their books. The truth is, there are scores of agents out there, and landing one is nowhere near as hard as it seems—even if you have no publishing connections. In this seminar, you'll learn how to find the perfect agent for your novel or nonfiction book, how to know when your book is ready to send out, and how to write a professional-sounding query letter. We'll also discuss the do's and don'ts for dealing with agents, and what you can realistically expect when you sell a book.

In this seminar, you will learn:

*How to find agents who specialize in books like yours

*The five-second tweak that will make your query letter sing

*How being rejected by one agent can make you more desirable to others

*What an agent will and won't do for you

*Why a huge advance isn't always a good thing

Instructor bio

Lauren Lipton's romantic comedy It's About Your Husband has been called "Smart, sassy and impossible to put down" by The Princess Diaries author Meg Cabot and "A tale that will resonate with readers everywhere" by Something Borrowed author Emily Giffin. She is currently at work on a second novel, Mating Rituals of the North American WASP. She is also a journalist. Her work has appeared in The Wall Street Journal, In Style Weddings, Martha Stewart Weddings, Glamour, Marie Claire, and The Los Angeles Times.

Click here to register, and for location info.

LIVEBLOGGING the Project Runway Finale! (by liza)

2008-03-05T20:04:00.000-08:00

:56 – I just swigged a giant gulp of Robitussin. It should keep me through this hour. As the minutes tick down, I’m thinking more and more that Christian is going to come out on top. Although PR rewarded the young buck (neck tattoo) last year. But the year before that they rewarded the tightly wound, precision girl (chloe/jillian) So who knows.
:57 – they’re auffing Chris…
:58 – Didn’t I call these three?!?!? In the very beginning? Echem. (didn’t everyone call this three?...maybe)
TEASER – model’s gone…Jillian’s moaning (again)…”this is it, guys.” They’re portraying Christian really bratty (not hard)…hmmmm. He’s totally winning.
WE HAVE LIFT OFF….
:01 – the three designers in the GOTHAM apartments…I like that there are no real assholes in this finale. It’s nice.
:02 – Jillian’s collection - Oh god, that top? Sailor meets shag rug on the arms? I don’t get it?! Resolution? REE solution? Funny way to say it
:03 - Rami’s collection – Christian’s clocking…the lace piece is beautiful.
:04 – Christian’s collection – the neckpiece thing..with a clean jacket, skinny pant. Overdesigned? Everything he does is overdesigned….”you look nervous.” I’m glad he’s worried…this matters to him. It’s good to know.
:05 - model casting? Why is Jillian always the last one out of the room at all time…
:06 – Jillian specifies that she needs “petite” models…as opposed to those fat asses trolling the runways nowadays. For fuck’s sake.
:07 – Make up lesson – Rami wants shadow, Christian wants a strong mouth and…brow. Jillian wants natural. Feh…
:08 - Rami says that Christian needs to design for models not women – I think it’s a valid point. I’m liking Rami.
:09 – Jillian doesn’t like her models anymore. She’s dumping one…wants to switch one for some Russian girl…Christian says she’s indecisive – totally. End shot – Jillian holding her head like she’s the only one this finale is happening to. Again.

COMMERICIAL BREAK –
• That Make me a Supermodel show. So done. Dude, without Tyra any show about models just doesn’t work. I’m not smiling with my eyes, is all I have to say.
• That Beyonce lipstick commercial. Bullshit. That shit would be everywhere. Why you lying, Loreal?!?!
• Top Chef!!!! Next Wednesday! I’m totally going to blog about that…should I? I love that show. But, we did talk about the Horrible Tre Vote Off last year. I saw him on Iron Chef the other day…my heart skipped a beat.

:14 – We’re back. Jillian is still “annoyed”. Ugh. Get over it. Rami advises her to handle it. He’s super calm, just sewing. Why do I love him right now?
:15 – Jillian calls – and the model guy says…uh, what are you thinking? Yeah, you’re locked in. She’s particularly whiny. Awesome
:16 – Hair meetings with Nathaniel.
:17 – Night before the runway – models come in and walk in the designs. Christian has so many flight instructions – don’t bend your arms? Jesus. These are clothes, honey – right?
:17 – One last gather round with Tim: Jillian, Rami and Christian is the order for Bryant Park. Tim gushes – he’s so proud. I love he. He says to just trust that they are superb…and an inspiration. Adorable.
:18 – Jesus, 4:15AM – they’re waking up and going. But at this point – you haven’t slept, right? So might as well wake up.
:19 – BRYANT PARK!!!!!
:20 – 2 hours until the show…preparing clothing…Christian’s models were late. Really?!?! What the fuck.
:21 – ANDRE!!!! Where’s Andre?!?! What about Andre?!?!?!
:22 – JAY!!!! There’s Tyson Beckford. That’s just unreal beautiful.
:22 – Christian’s model is like five hours late…wtf?!?!
:23 – POSH!!! You know, I like her. Don’t know why…just do.
:23 – Heidi, “hello everybody!” She introduces judges…Nina…Michael…POSH!!!!
:24 – Jillian! Her family is adorable. She looks nervous…and curtsies. Adorable.
:25 – Sleek…coat…fedora…skirt with a scarf thing…pretty…very Donna Karan – beautiful…gold skirt…very Xena…cute little ruffly skirt…there’s that sailor shag rug deal….cute coat…she can really make a coat…I like the equestrian thing she’s doing….high boots…her formal is a bit…saran wrappy…cute top part though…beautiful dresses…the long black, one floats down the runway…beautiful. All the models come out…her family is beaming…nice use of blacks and browns… Really nice job. Definitely the best stuff on Project Runway. Amazing.
COMMERICIAL BREAK –
• Text in who should win…you know this is not open/shut at all. Seriously.
• Ugh – Prime Rib Ranchero at Quiznos? God, can you say mystery meat?
• Apparently, Billy’s got an Oreo cakester. It’s big news.
• Oooh, Stop Loss. This movie looks amazing…and not just because I’m only watching war movies these days.

:30 – Rami’s up…he looks adorable. He’s very excited…it celebrates women. He thanks his family…adorable.
:31 – starts with a blue piece…pretty..another blue dress – nice neckline…there’s that nice dress from that first 3, beautifully cut…red pants…nice neckline…ooh, that red dress is adorable. Red and black number…beautiful skirt…so well made…the model just fucking slipped…not bad though…beautiful silk red shirt and high black pant…gorgeous off the shoulder khaki number…ooh, woven dress 0 beautiful…his gold formal thing looks impossible to walk in or the girl’s just weird…oh my god, that lace formal is stunning. Total Oscar worthy…there’s that black formal from the 3 collection…beautiful. Gorgeous from the back. Here they all come…it looks really amazing together…a true collection.
:34 – here’s Christian…he sounds really nervous…there’s the fierce…Cute. Okay…
:35 – starts with a ruffly skirt and big hat..leathery top. VCute. Here’s a Spanish-y looking number…neckpiece on the jacket..that’s a nice simple jacket – ruffly arms with a skinny pant..ugh, there’s Carmen…long coat kinda looks like a graduation gown…there’s that big white neckpiece…not so much…doesn’t work…beautiful – cream top with black pant – that’s nice. There’s a maroon coat – looks very renaissance…all cream outfit on the late model…two-tone brown and cream dress – beautiful. Chiffon..another two toned formal…feathery and gorgeous. There’s jack! This final formal is stunning…very birdlike – Here’s the full collection. He’s definitely the most courture-ish of everyone…not wearable though.
:37 – Padma! Thinks Jillian…Jay thinks Rami. Nick Verreos! Thinks Rami…talks about woven. Adorable. Kevin likes Christian’s stuff. How cute is Kevin?
COMMERICIAL BREAK –
• Bravo’s doing a dancing show??!?! Uh – are you trying to act like anything’s better than So You Think You Can Dance?!?!?! love that show.
• Ugh – the Housewives of NY – fucking useless. That show actually enrages me. So ridiculous.

:41 – The judges – how amazing was the show? So amazing.
:41 – bring out the designers…
:42 – Heidi says she was blown away..totally.
:43 – heidi introduces judges….Nina, Michael and VBeckham…she’s really cool, it seems. Saying Congratulations…
:44 – brings our models…Heidi starts with Jillian…she says she was inspired by the art challenge..Victoria says it was very feminine and made beautifully. Michael says feminine and modern, mentions the knit wear, Heidi says she saw new stuff, liked it. Jillian says she tried to be innovative…Nina says it looked a little disjointed, but that the knits were spectacular.
:45 – Christian says he wanted to create a hard/soft thing…Heidi calls him out on being nervous…he says he was. Posh says she likes it…not fierce, says he’s major. Michael says the two-toned dress at the end was Spectacular. Black clothes can get monotonous…a lot of feather, heavy handed. VBeckham loves it – says it may be monotonous, but it was all her style. Loved.
:46 – Rami – says he wanted to make separates, cocktail looks. Heidi liked his the best. Loved the weaving. Michael agrees…colors not so good (duh – the blue was a little off)…Michael says he showed everything. Posh says she thought it was lovely…incredible. Posh totally liked Christian the best. Adorable. Nina says his collection is totally him…Rami’s strength really is evening wear. Agreed.
:47 – Judges talk: Jillian? Knitwear was left field and great. Very feminine and accessible. Posh says silhouettes were good...Nina says she doesn’t think Jillian doesn’t know what her style is. Christian? Dramatic first look – and just kept delivered. Posh says it was so stylish, different, breath of fresh air. Michael says not everyone can wear it – Posh is all…uh, but I can. Rami? Michael says he’s cerebral…so much thought put into everything. Posh says his attention to detail is awesome. Nina says Rami and color are bad. Totally true. Tough decision…the judges say yes…Posh is smiling. It’s totally Christian.
:49 – Ugh….commercial shit!
COMMERCIAL BREAK -
• THAT Pettigrew movie…that’s got the Pushing Daisies boy in it…sigh. And Ciarin Hinds?!?! Hello - Persuasion?!?!?
• Ugh – Atonement. Hey, if one of us would have said 8 words then everything would have worked out…darn! It’s a fucking bad episode of Three’s Company, for crissakes.
• The American Idol video game…uh, isn’t this more commonly called karaoke.
• Voted – Who should win? We say Christian!

:54 – We’re back…Heidi says everyone’s awesome.
:55 – Jillian – you stepped outside of comfort zone. Rami – you created stunning, =exquisitely crafted collection. Christian – you are a showmen…way past your 21 years.
:56 – Jillian? You’re Out. HARSH. Jesus. She hugs everyone and heads out…cute belt. She was so disappointed and let down…she looks upset. Aw.
:57 - Rami? Christian? One of you will be the winner….. Christian looks like he’s going to cry…adorable.
Christian!!!!

He’s totally crying….awwwww….that’s awesome. Rami heads out…he’s all class. As usual.

:58 – Heidi hugs Christian…Posh gushes…she would be honored to wear anything of his…he’s fucking ecstatic. Adorable. His model comes out…whatevs.. His family comes out…adorable. Christian tries to act cool in his side bits…but he’s totally shocked. Heidi’s giant next to little Christian…he says goodbye to Posh….adorable.

Okay -so should I blog Top Chef next?!?!?!?

The Death Flu by Liza

2008-03-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

I've been sick. I'm acting like I'm out of the woods - not so much - I'm just feeling cocky because for the first time in over a week I put on a bra. It's the little victories.

This flu was flown in from Minnesota and has the white hot anger one would expect from a state that's boasting highs in the 0's. It was one of those sicknesses where I can't even remember days, just these flashes of coughing, sobbing, drooling, watching the time tick by memories.

And TV. A lot of tv.

Yesterday I decided it would be a good idea to watch 300 over and over again until finally closing out the night with an 11:30 viewing of The Deer Hunter. I advise not ever to do this. All night, I had dreams of a leather pantied Christopher Walken playing Russian roulette in the opium dens of Vietnam. Not good. Although, I consider The Deer Hunter to be one of the top movies of all time: Robert DeNiro and Walken in their prime. Ridiculous.

I'll try to get my shit together by Wednesday in order to report back about Project Runway (I was right - Rami got forwarded onto Bryant Park after Chris decided it would be prudent to use HUMAN HAIR in his designs?!).

But, until then...I give you this piece of brilliance.

Star Wars as explained by a 3 year old.

Partying with women of a certain age. My age. (Kim)

2008-02-28T08:16:00.000-08:00

It doesn't get any better than this: me, some of my oldest friends -- er, literally -- thirty-three bottles of wine, vintage Scorpions, a wackamole septic system, an overworked breast pump, a hot tub straight out of an 80s porn flick and the 35 Weight Watchers points I'd scrupulously saved for the occasion (no, Zinfandel isn't on the Core Foods list, though it sounds weirdly nutritious).

My latest theory of revelry: Women over 40 know best how to relax, how to let loose, how to party like it's 19fucking99. Why? Because they spend their "real" lives working two jobs (either at work or at home or both), wiping asses, outperforming their male colleagues so they can get promoted, eating flakes of meatball of the floor in lieu of dinner, chaffeuring, dieting, exercising, and just generally sacrificing their baser urges to the gods of species survival and corporate mastery. When they finally get to chill, to put on the brakes, to act non-tactically, they go nuts. In a good way.

To wit:

The Great Shaved-ball Debate of 2008.

Scorpions as interpreted by Jack Black as interpreted by, well, me.

Boot camp with the Spooner.

Dinner table bush: Wild! Untamed! In your pasta!

See how great aging can be?

Happy pub day, Kristin! by Lauren

2008-02-26T07:13:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to Kristin Harmel's New York book party to celebrate her latest 5 Spot book, The Art of French Kissing. The best part was that I finally got to meet Kristin, whom I've only known up until now from e-mailing and co-blogging. (Remember I once asked Kristin if she were the world's tiniest woman? Turns out she really is one petite gal.) The party was a blast. Lots of fun, smart women's-fiction writers, both published and hoping-to-be. Lots of Champagne. Lots of book talk. Oh, and P.S. Kristin also has a young-adult novel that just came out, When You Wish. Girlfriend makes me feel like a slacker.

Congratulations, Kristin!

Woot Woot! (by Liza)

2008-02-24T21:43:00.000-08:00

With so few women writers in Hollywood, it was lovely to see Diablo Cody win an Oscar tonight for her Juno screenplay.

Congratulations....so awesome.

I would have loved to have seen Ellen Page win - but I thought Marion Cotillard was incredible. So...it was definitely win/win.

What did everyone think of the Oscars?

LiveBlogging the Project Runway Reunion Episode (and Spike Jonze) by Liza

2008-02-20T20:22:00.000-08:00

:59 – I realize rather quickly that I’m nowhere near drunk enough.
:00 – They’re playing this whole opening - oh my, was that a Colonial woman trying out for Project Runway? Okay – they’re all coming together…clips, memorable moments…
WE HAVE LIFT-OFF
:01 – Hello Designers! Heidi and Tim welcome the designers.
:01 - What is in Carmen’s hair? I hate her already…again.
:01 - Ricky with the hat. Sigh.
:02 – Apparently Elisa inspires little outsider girls all over the world
:02 – Jack Black and Catherine Keener want to bone Sweet P over Brad Pitt.
:03 – Who were the early favorites Heidi asks – Early on, Steven fell in love with Rami and his ability to…sigh…drape.
:04 – finalists are coming in: Christian (fierce…fierce…fierce)…Jillian (cute clothes)…Rami (“draping master”)…Chris (dramatic flair)…
:05 – They’re replaying the last episode where they prolonged Rami and Chris'pain…only one will show at Bryant Park.
:06 – Rami and Chris are asked about their collections…Chris describes his collection as “kooky”….aw shit. Rami doesn’t mention draping when describing his collection…there’s hope for us all.
:07 – Jack…and the staph infection are remembered…he’s totally going to cry. Is it weird watching the designers watch themselves? Feels weird.
:08 – Jack’s crying…Sweet P’s crying…fuck, I’m crying…everyone’s crying.
:09 – Jack is trying to downplay it…Tim’s all – uh, weren’t you in the hospital for a week?
:10 – Heidi proclaims Victorya seemed upset/angry about Jack being sick – what the fuck? Uptight…about Jack being sick? I can’t stress how shitty her face looks right now.
:11 – is Kevin sure he’s not gay – a viewer asks…Tim’s not entirely convinced. Footage is used to prove Kevin’s “prowess”…Jack, “you’re going to speak fluent gay by the time you leave…” Jack is nude apparently all the time. Crotch shot of Kevin. Jack and Kevin lurved each other…it’s kind of adorable.
Teaser – upset about something someone said…Carmen. Whatevs.

• COMMERCIAL BREAK – ugh, it’s a commercial for that stupid housewives in NY thing. Are all these women as useless as I think they are? I mean, they’re all pointy-faced wretches, right? This is so bad for women everywhere. Ugh. That show is useless.
• That Definitely, Maybe movie looks cute. Abigail Breslin = adorable.

:16 – We’re back – a question from BravoTV.com – who will win fan favorite? Everyone says, Chris. I love he.
:17 – Heidi says people always ask her if it’s as grueling as it appears…Christian answers – yes, it was. Elisa tells some awkward story about Kit losing weight – and I swear I can hear crickets as she winds through the story. Poor dear.
:18 – ELISA MONTAGE…awesome. The famous spit mark controversy. She thinks it’s hilarious…dude, she’s fucking nuts. “It’s a piñata…it’s a couture dress…”
:19 – SHE WRITE BACKWARDS IN HER JOURNAL?!?!?!?!
:20 – Oh, apparently there’s a blessing with the spitting. Oh well – that makes it better.
:21 – Ticpok Yawner is Project Runway backwards according to Elisa. SHE’S RIDICULOUS.
:21 – Question: Favorite challenge? Kevin says weight loss challenge. Christian liked Avant Garde challenge.
:22 –THE RICKY CRYING MONTAGE!!! This.is.awesome.
:22 – Question: To Ricky – Why do you cry so much? Ricky explains – “I didn’t realize I was going to cry like a woman.” Okay, honey.
:22 – Rami and Chris come to his defense. They’re awesome
:23 – Question: Who’s upset about shit talking? Carmen pipes up – I wasn’t missed they were just happy it wasn’t them. Uh, duh. WTF? Oh great…now she’s crying. Kit is a better man than I, Gunga Din – she’s comforting her. Everyone’s comforting her. For crissakes.
:24 – Tim moves it along. Love. He.
:25 – CHRIS LAUGH MONTAGE!!!! I’m kind of loving Christian during this episode.
Teaser – Busted up judges and worst single design. Yikes.

• COMMERCIAL BREAK – That Penelope movie makes me nervous. Reese Witherspoon playing a biker chick? Eeeeesh. I’m thinking Meg Ryan in French Kiss – remember that? Bad.
• Does Bravo TV hate women? The Millionaire Matchmaker? The Housewife Dumbasses of Various Cities? I know nary a woman that even remotely resembles these women. Ugh. What…why are they rewarding these women with television shows?

:30 – Welcome Back! Two empty chairs? Nina and Michael!!!! Woohooooo! Nina is wearing leggings…is Lindsay Lohan in the house?
:30 – One challenge broke poker faces of judges? The wrestling divas!! The swimsuit girl did a little move at the end? Like a little hip loop thing?
:31 - Michael Kors laughing is adorable.
:32 – Your Wrestler Names? Christian is Ferocia Couture – obvs. Tuffie? Aww, Jillian. Wonder Woman…Chris, echem…not a wrestler, she’s a superhero, duh? Rami’s signature move would be to drape fabric around his victims!!! Sweet P is Spread Eagle. Love. Ricky – The Mexican Jumping Bean. What about The Cry Baby? Just cry a flood of tears. Tim’s Diva name? Polly Syllabicus. No one laughs. Adorable.
:34 – Heidi was the toughest judge this year? Yeah…that’s about right. Nina has been dethroned. Nina Garzilla. Aw, she’s trying to answer seriously. Push your bangs to the side, Nina. Just…swoosh.
:35 – Question for Michael – why come you always dress in black? It’s easy, he says. Just throw it on and out the door. They show a picture of Michael Kors at eighteen – he looks like the Greatest American Hero. Believe it or not, I’m walking on airrrrr….
:37 – HEIDI MONTAGE!!!! Who’s going to eat the sausage? Priceless.
:38 – Up next: The designers question the judges and the fan favorite is announced.

• COMMERCIAL BREAK - Top Chef, baby!!!! Dude, is anyone cute than Harold from Season One? I don’t think so.
• The new Amy Adams movie – is she in like 30 movies right now? Wasn’t she in Charlie Wilson’s War? How random was that? Philip Seymour Hoffman totally deserves the Oscar for that…stole the movie. Seeing Tom Hanks’ ass was a little traumatizing though…like seeing your Dad’s ass. Shudder.

:42 – Welcome Back! Memorable looks – Question from BravoTV.com – Judges, who had the worst single design? OUCH. Hardest challenge was the mens’ challenge with Tiki Barber. Carmen looks horrified, but then realizes that she can use this as an opportunity to act annoyed and slightly righteous. Ooh, yay! Carmen says, “Thank you, Heidi.” She’s ridiculous, right?
:43 – Favorite challenge? Hair challenge. Michael thought it brought the best out of the designers…Chris and Christian did great together. Worst design? The FemBot WWE Diva by Sweet P.
:44 – Question: Does Tim let the judges know what he thinks? Tim says no. He can’t be objective…Michael and Nina don’t want to know how shit goes down in the workroom.
:44 – Questions for judges: Chris asks what they write on the cards? Number system…Tim asks who felt they were sent home early – jack raises his hand. Adorable. Chris..but he was brought back. Marion says he was. Yeah, Pocahontas wasn’t in this year.
:45 – Question: How could you send Kevin home? The Prom challenge – Kevin wants to move on. Next question to Christian. Did he think he was going home during that challenge because of his “difficult” client? Uh yeah. Does Kevin think Christian should have gone home? Kevin says no, Christian has more potential. I love him.
:46 – Does Rami have any advice to future PR designers? It’s not easy and you have to have a passion for fashion. Tim adds that you have to have character…how you handle yourself. Exactly. Victorya says that who she was on the show isn’t who she is in the real world. Uh-huh.
:48 –FAN FAVORITE – DRUM ROLLLLLLLL – CHRISTIAN!!!!!! Really?!?!?!?!?!?! He won $10,000.
:50 - Special guest brings out check OH MY GOD IT’S MYCHAEL KNIGHT!!!! I LOVE YOU MYCHAEL!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! He won last year!! I love him!!!!!! The big check reminds me of The Office episode…oh, never mind.
What did Mychael do with the $10,000? He invested it….in a fragrance. Is he wearing braces? Cutest. Ever. Hey Victorya why don’t you tell Michael why come you stole his dress. He calls Christian fierce…
:50 – CHRISTIAN FIERCE MONTAGE!!!!! His hair: Blows it dry, flat irons…party, business and the money maker…oh.my.god.
:51 – Heidi thanks Mychael, Michael and Nina for coming. When they come back – who’s gonna win it??!!
Teaser – predictions? Surprise surprise – Elisa thinks everyone’s a winner. Sigh.

• COMMERCIAL BREAK - Make Me a Supermodel….ugh. Didn’t they do the whole underwater, snake thing on America’s Next Top Model? Copy cats.
• Oohh, The Other Boleyn Girl – Why did they not let Scarlett have any eyebrows? They did that in The Girl with the Pearl Earring…so, what – period piece + Scarlett = no eyebrows?

:55 – predictions? Sweet P says Rami….Steven says anyone…but maybe Christian, maybe Jillian…she’s delightful and charming – is that slightly condescending? Why do I feel it’s condescending? Carmen is for Rami. Elisa thinks Jillian...Kit is the most excited to see Jillian…Ricky agrees. Victorya wants Christian. Kevin for Christian or Jillian. Marion for Rami. Jack thinks Rami is a great technician. Chris can do amazing things. You never know, he says. Heidi can’t wait…

Who will be auffed and who will be the winner….

Teaser – Next week! Heidi: You’ll be creating a collection of 12 looks…
Rami in LA – Tim wants him to “pull it back”…Chris makes Tim gag…Christian and Jillian have a spat…They’re making Rami look more confused, sooo, I bet Rami totally shows at Bryant Park. They overplayed their hand.

My prediction for the winner? Christian.

• COMMERCIAL BREAK - Ugh – 10,000 BC…why do people keep making these kinds of movies? Didn’t anyone learn from Clan of the Cave Bear?

I had another video up here - I'll post it again later - but then I remembered this video - that I've been meaning to post for a long time.

You have to watch it - it's unexpected and mesmorizing.

Spike Jonze (who's currently working on Where the Wild Things Are) did this video. And at first blush you think it's just a skateboarding video - and then it breaks wide open at about 1.17. trust me. Keep watching it. The big "ending" at about 4.19 is spectacular. I've watched it pretty much non-stop since I first saw it. So.good.

Mid-Week Music and a Project Runway Announcement by Liza

2008-02-19T23:32:00.000-08:00

So, we're in the Woodranch. It's a chain-y BBQ place with passion fruit iced tea (my favorite) and booths and alarmingly awesome music being piped in. I was having lunch with my mom and sister and it was like the hits...they kept a-coming. But, not the usual hits - it was like this bizarre alterna-world where that one song that you kinda forgot about but totally had in the early 90's and kinda loved, but then overplayed...yeah, those songs.

We always hear John Mayer's Dreaming with a Broken Heart. They love 'em some of that song. Then came Seal's Love Divine. Awesome. Then came Maria by Blondie. Right?! Is that not the back to back line up of THOSE SONGS?! That's like the One-Two Punch of THOSE SONGS.

So, I come home and my sister emails me that she's downloaded a song. She was doing a little googling of Maria McKee (from Lone Justice...et al) and she's found out that she actually penned the following song.
It's 1985. And this...it's like...it's like lightning in a bottle this song. Magic.

Feargal Sharkey - A Good Heart.
(the "breakdown" at around 3.14ish = priceless)

Sigh. Doesn't Feargal look like a cross between Cedric Diggory and oddly...Orlando Bloom a little?

The other song - I'm driving up the coast with one Megan Crane some weeks back and she puts on this mix - one of those heartbreaking mixes. And this next song comes on. And while it's playing we're both talking about how the lyrics are actually kind of fucked up - and how it's supposed to be this Alpha Male-ish love song, but it's actually really scary (kinda like when Sting broke down Every Breath You Take as one of the scariest, stalkeriest songs he'd ever written). And then the conversation gets illustrative. Megan starts miming...god, what was the name she gave to this guy (fictional)...was it Dennis? Dennis from Accounting singing this song to you...all letchy and shit. And then she mimed a cape. And I knew it was a cape because it was a damn good mime. And yes, all of this is happening in a tiny car driving 50 miles an hour up PCH. And I imagined Dennis from Accounting to look like this. And then she mimed Dennis and all of his friends during the chorus. All with capes.

I've never been able to listen to this song the same. I forever think of Dennis from Accounting and his Pack O' Caped Geeks passionately serenading me with this. (the capes go up on I Alone Love You, I Alone Tempt You, etc....)

And now you will too.
Live - I Alone

What happened to Live, eh?

Tomorrow night I will be Live Blogging the damn Project Runway Reunion Episode. I figure this is the only way that I will not poke my eyes out.

Oh...and I'll be drunk. So, even if I attempt to poke my eyes out, chances are I'll miss and hit my cheek or something.

Karmic balance by Lauren

2008-02-17T08:14:00.001-08:00

The universe owed me big.

A week ago last Wednesday, I found a lump in my breast. I will save you the anxiety—the lump was benign. But I didn't know it for seven days. Seven very, very long days.

Those who follow this blog know breast cancer hits close to home for me. My mother died of it, and as a result of my higher-risk status I am watched like a hawk. I've had lots of lumps—so far, thankfully, all benign. I have my own personal breast doctor. Usually she sees me right away, but this time I couldn't get in for a week.

I did okay the first few days of waiting. I was pretty calm. My rational mind listed all the reasons why this was nothing. Alas, in the other corner, my genius imagination was whispering, "But what if it isn't nothing?" This was the biggest, scariest, hardest, didn't-feel-like-any-lump-I'd-ever-felt-before lump. My imagination, of course, compelled me to scour the Internet for descriptions of the worst-case scenario. Dear sisters, should you ever find yourselves in this situation, and I fervently hope you do not, NEVER SCOUR THE INTERNET FOR THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO.

By last Wednesday, I was a wreck. I walked into my appointment teary-eyed and shaking. It's remarkable the way we can torment ourselves, literally make ourselves sick. My doctor took one look at me and joked, "Would you stop? You're freaking me out!"

I'd expected instant relief but felt empty. The good news wasn't enough. I don't usually think the universe owes me anything, but this time it did. I'd lost an entire week of my life to relentless, paralyzing anguish. What was a lost week of life worth?

Then I saw it on the sidewalk. The wind was blowing it around. It blew against some man's ankle, and the man shook it off and kept walking. I ran up to it and put my foot on it. I grabbed it, looked around. No one was there. I put it in my pocket. It was a $50 bill.

I feel bad for the loser of the $50. Maybe the universe is messing with that poor soul now, instead of with me. On the other hand, maybe its original owner had talked on his cell phone during a movie or been rude to a waiter. Maybe I, too, did something recently to upset the universe, which is why I had to spend the week panicking over a lump.

But now I know what a lost week of life is worth.

It is worth fifty bucks.

Weekend Music: Memory Lane by Liza

2008-02-15T19:06:00.000-08:00

This week - well, really today - I was hit by two songs that I had forgotten about. And it was one of those moments where you literally stop in your tracks and proclaim to everyone within ear shot, "Goddamn, this song is good." And then immediately come home and download it. How funny...downloading is so normal. It wasn't so long ago - that you had to drive to a record store and buy the entire album. Don't get me started on how we need to embrace listening to the whole album again (a practice I re-remembered thanks to Cease to Begin by Band of Horses)...and also, a practice which I don't follow in the two songs which follow.

The first - I was making a playlist (as I do) for my second edit of Book Three. I know the characters a little better, so it called for a more specific playlist. WHAT? DON'T JUDGE ME!! On top of really getting into the Transformers and Lady in the Water soundtracks, I re-found this song. And just tonight I walked home from a birthday party with it playing in my ears on this crisp California night. It was perfection. Love Cats was one of the first singles I ever bought (you know, after I bought Reunited by Peaches and Herb and Elvira by the Oak Ridge Boys...echem - those obviously HAD to come first)...And yes... I'm attaching a live version of the song, because the video they did for the cut is just too freaking weird. (this particular version has a lengthy open - stick with it...it breaks open at about 1.54. Even live this song as that ethereal clarity that just...it teleports you.

Pictures of You - The Cure

The other song...so I'm in the Famima (why come Famima so bad ass?!?!?) and this song comes on over the speakers. And the entire store just stops. Everyone in it. Everyone kind of looks around and there's this unspoken 'holy shit' moment where everyone has that thought....goddamn, this song is good. I think we forget how bananas this band was...what a breakthrough they were. Was. Were. Sigh.

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

Business trip blues by Kim

2008-02-14T19:05:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying that I haven't gone on a business trip in, oh, eight years. Seriously. And I can count the ones I went on on one hand. So I tend to idealize them. To me, sliding between crisp white sheets in Akron while nibbling a $24 Caesar salad and watching TNT sounds fantastic. I even visit the gym -- even if all they have is a 1982 Stairmaster and a mat with weird stains on it. 'Cause it's the hotel gym. I roam the empty hallways in my waffle-weave bathrobe -- the cheap-ass one they threaten to charge you $125 for if you steal it -- keeping an eye peeled for interesting happenings, like cougars snapping up fresh meat. Or a naked guy locked out of his room. You know, hotel stuff.

Well, last weekend I went on a business trip.

I know what you're thinking: cougar city! Grrrrr! Well, nah. I've got a husband and a couple of kids and a rack that looks like a bag of onions. And I haven't slept in a year.

But there were...moments.

The backstory: I stumbled into a copywriting gig for a big fancy creative agency with big fancy clients. The "team" was meeting with the client in San Diego. My learnings:

It is possible to use an iPhone, email, blog and other humans to converse simultaneously. (Caveat: You must be youngish, confidentish and have taken the ad world by storm when you were thirteenish.)
In an all-day meeting, no one looks at you funny if you go to the bathroom every 20 minutes. Just plunk down that liter of H2O and go nuts; everyone knows it's the only way to survive the boredom.
Expressing a healthy interest in others is lame. Latin gang-style tattooed forearms are cool. Being a mom of two is lame. Being a mom of a single newborn is cool, as long as you have 7am-7pm daycare and tattooed forearms.
Using the phrase "buried in snatch" with the right businesspeople will not automatically get you fired, and may even earn you some currency if you deliver the comment at the right moment through a mist of whiskey.

I did drink a lot of lovely beer though. And I didn't get fired (yet). Got to sleep six hours without being woken up by some asshole (read = family member). All in all, a nice entree into the world of fast-talking ad people.

Would love to hear your biz trip all-time highlights and lows.