Top Chef: Episode 4 by Liza

Last week’s round-up was postponed by a very merry Thanksgiving. I had a Harvest Pie (so good…basically Fall in a pie) to make and didn’t actually sit down to watch last week’s episode until the weekend. Sad to see Richard go – he was a good guy, but what was up with those S’mores? And the whole sobbing proclamation of “kicks ass, baby girl. Kick ass” to Jamie seemed a bit …much. I mean, we’re not leaving Richard behind on the Mt. Everest here…

Plus, the entire episode was mostly me just staring at Dave Grohl and sighing, so…oh and the fact that people were putting metal into the microwaves!?! Did anyone else notice that?!?!?

On to this week’s episode!

Last Week’s Aftermath
• Jeff’s lifting weights on the balcony – you know, where everyone lifts weights in the morning, right?
• Ariane feels vindicated from her great turkey last week – which was awesome. How impossible was that?!?
• Richard left a note for Alex – he read it to Jamie and Carla. He’s adorable and weepy when he reads it aloud. Aww, man oh man. Super emotional. I am loving Carla more and more. She’s good people.
• Is all this Alex footage mean he’s packing his knives this week?!?!

QUICKFIRE

• Rocco DiSpirito is the guest chef
• Fabio disses him for doing fake Italian…gotta kind of give him that.
• Breakfast is on tap today
• Create a Breakfast Amuse Bouche
• Melissa – French toast, eggs in a nest.
• Stefan – huevos rancheros
• Radhika – potato cake, mini omelette
• Daniel – cornflake encrusted zucchini flower (huh?)
• Ariane – stuffed French toast
• Jamie – bacon, lettuce, tomato breakfast sandwich
• Leah – bacon, egg and cheese (hers is one bite and she makes a whole thing about pointing that out. She’s totally that kid in class who points out when people aren’t following the rules…)
• Fabio – brioche with banana and espresso cream
• Jeff – twice baked potato
• BOTTOM: Daniel (all corn flakes), Fabio (too rich)
• TOP: Stefan, Leah (sniff), Jamie
• WINNER: LEAH
• He gives her a copy of his book.
• Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.
• Jamie is pissed that she’s been close twice. She’s cool about it.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
• Padma talks about raising your profile and your identity as a chef equaling people knowing what you’re about.
• CREATE A DISH FOR A 2 ½ MINUTE DISH FOR A LIVE TELEVISION SEGMENT
• Winning this challenge has a major advantage, Padma says.
• Rocco says to keep it simple.
• The chefs go shopping at Whole Foods with $100.
• Fabio goes back and cuts his own tuna – hilarious.
• Eugene is going to do sushi, so is Hosea – they both go cut their own tuna, as well.
• Alex is doing a dessert – a crème brulée. I don’t know…this isn’t looking good for him. Eesh.
• They’ve set up a table there and each chef will go behind it and perform their little 2 ½ minute segment.
• Everyone’s freaking out.
• Ariane: Jersey Beefsteak Tomato Salad, Watermelon and Feta
• She’s doing really well – super homey
• Jamie Smugface: Salad with Duck egg, bacon and caviar
• Tom’s adorable. I’m just going to put that out there. I kind of love him.
• Gail asks how you know if the egg is ready. Hers isn’t. Rocco is all, “raw egg White. Ew.”
• Alex and his dessert: he’s nervous and he runs out of time. It hadn’t set. Aw man.
• Jeff: Malfouf roll with shrimp. He’s nervous and okay, but he gets through it.
• Fabio points out that these chefs are using ingredients that no one knows and it’s not a good idea (he’s totally right…duck egg??! Malfouf?!?)
• Fabio does a tuna, carrots and asparagus – Padma asks how soon he is from Italy, he says he’s fresh out of the boat.
• Daniel does great – I love it. I thought he was being all nerdy with his “I love everything tv”, but he does great.
• Stefan is wooden
• Hosea is fumbling
• Eugene is awesome…of course.
• Melissa does a spicy something…Tom is about to blow fire out of his mouth. Seriously. He runs out of the kitchen.
• Carla runs out of time.
• Radhika runs out of time.
• Leah runs out of time – she’s totally shaking and nervous.
• The judges talk.
• Disappointments: Jamie (bad cook), Leah (too nervous), Alex (bad choice), Carla (nervous energy, good dish).
• Good: Daniel (a lot of charm, bit of a mess, smoking out the studio, a ham), Stefan (smart to have a swap out, but he was wooden), Melissa (too spicy), Jeff (had a lot, but because he has that douchebag level of confidence he did great), Fabio was a dream, Ariane ‘hit it out of the park’.
• Bottom 3: Melissa, Alex and Jamie
• Top 3: Jeff, Fabio and Ariane
• Back at the house..
• Jamie sulks and ‘cries herself to sleep.’
• Alex gets all weird and bravado – he chose a dessert and he could have ‘pussied out’ and chose a salad. I’m not on board with this – Ariane was smart with her choice.
• Leah points out that Alex is getting married in under a month and that he’s over it. Good point. He jumps on that…ooh, a way out? To reject Top Chef before it rejects me?
• Tom peeps into the girl’s room, grabs Ariane. Then gets Fabio and Jeff at 2AM.
• Tom tells them – the hosts of the Today Show will be judging the top 3.
• They’re totally stoked, as they should be.
• I’m liking Fabio and Ariane more and more and Jeff less and less. But they’re all fine.
• Jeff declares that he’s going to be serving a middle eastern roll to a ‘bunch of unsophisticated ladies’ at 6:30 in the morning. UNSOPHISTICATED LADIES? I’m not following. HOW POMPOUS IS THIS MOTHERFUCKER?
• Ariane is adorable…just genuine and awesome.
• The Food Stylist comes down, has them set their stuff onto a cart to go up to the set – I hope she can take the wheat stalk out of her mouth long enough so Jeff can help her understand a “middle eastern roll.” What a tool.
• The chefs wake up – no Top 3, but the TV is set up.
• Ah, Meredith Viera – one of the Unsophisticated Ladies. Jeff. Is. Dead. To. Me.
• Winner will be chosen on the show…
• Taste Ariane’s – going over well, Meredith hates watermelon, but she forks around it.
• Fabio’s is next – “I have no idea what’s going on.” HE’S ADORABLE.
• Jeff’s is next – Kathy Lee Gifford spits it out. Yep.
• Jeff says, “then there’s a gagging sound.” Shit.
• The hosts huddle up…it’s obviously between Fabio and Ariane
• ARIANE WINS
• Meredith comes back and congratulates Ariane – that’s awesome.
• Fabio says that Ariane totally deserved it. Good for him.
• Rocco gives her about two dozen tools and she’ll presenting a dish on the today show the day after this episode airs. Ariane says that it will make a huge difference in her restaurant which is 30 minutes from NY.
JUDGES TABLE
• Melissa, Jamie and Alex are on the bottom.
• Melissa: shrimp too spicy...for some of you.
• Rocco says, bullshit. You couldn’t have tasted more than one bite of that dish, let alone inexperienced chefs working with habanero chiles.
• Jamie got frazzled. The judges give her some really creative criticism, like more on point than I’ve ever seen (Tom says she should have flipped the egg to make it cook faster, Gail says she should just roll with the punches…) it’s all very civil.
• Jamie cuts them off. WHY.
• Apparently, she’s fully aware of everything she did wrong and she knows everything there is to know about everything.
• Rocco points out that her body language was saying she was angry.
• She says she was angry at herself and that she should know better.
• What she ‘should know better’ is how to take criticism.
• Alex – he says he thought being different would get him into the top 3.
• Tom asks why he chose the crème brulée?
• Alex says that the whole point of this competition is to ‘push yourself’ Tom says, the point of this competition is to win.
• Snap.
• Tom says there was no way it could be finished. I mean, like impossible.
• Alex agrees, but then says that he should have done something ‘easy’…
• Anyone have anything else to say?
• Melissa says that SHE wants to be here more than anything and SHE really thinks she shouldn’t go home and that SHE, SHE, SHE.
• The judges pick up on it…uh, is there someone here who doesn’t want to be here?
• Shiiiiiit.
• Alex? He takes the high road, doesn’t take the bait and just says that he deserves to be here because he’s a good chef and that his performance was not a good one.
• What’s up with Melissa though!?!?
• Are all of their pants high waters?
• Rocco – all 3 were inedible.
• Execution: Jamie was a bitch, Melissa still defends her Dish o’Fire.
• And then in the back room, Melissa is still talking at people like SHE wants to be here and that there are definitely PEOPLE here who DON’T want to be here (look at Alex, look at Alex)
• To which he asks, “is she throwing me under the bus?”
• Jamie answers, “I think she wants to, but it’s too late.” Good answer. Okay…I will withhold further sniffs.
• Alex is like, “yeah, but that’s fucked up.”
• Gail points out that Alex’s dish was doomed. Impossible.
• Presentation? He would have been fine.
• Now Melissa is stooped over and crying…Hosea is comforting her. WTF?
• What’s with these little mini-dramadies of Leah/Hosea flirting? And it’s like gross teenagery flirting that makes me just roll my eyes over and over again?? Is this a new Bravo thing??
• Tom summarizes - Melissa: your dish was too spicy, Alex: you were doomed, Jamie: raw egg and then got weird.
• PACK YOUR KNIVES: ALEX
• Dude, I totally called it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Man.
• Carla’s the first to stand and hug him. Love her.
• Hosea tells Melissa Eyebrows that he’s glad she’s still here.
• What. A. Monkeyhander.
• Next week: Gail’s Bridal Shower?? Fabio tries to pick up on all of them.